Not just another brick in the wall
by KatarinaBlack17
Summary: This is the Sirius how I pictured him, not the one shown in other fictions, drama queen or womanizer. This one is rebellious and strong-willed, but scarred boy. Fic takes place after Marauder's time on Hogwarts, right in the Middle of the First Wizarding war and follows young man's struggles with newfound...love in the shape of that wicked girly creature? Pfft, yeah right, love:D
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Ok so this is my first fanfiction story and I have no idea what am I doing, but I hope someone will like it. Also, English is not my first language so you may be seeing some stupid grammar errors, sorry about those :D

 **A/N UPDATE:** Ok I just finished the whole story and I came back to edit this a little. It had pretty bad mistakes and I was a pretty lazy person. So yeah, I guess this version is better :D

 **Disclaimer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Today was 2 years anniversary. Maybe I should give it some importance, it still is the day when I had run away from 'the family'. That said and known, today I went back to that Most Ancient and Noble Hellhole because I just found out Reg had died.

It didn't matter anyway. They just never were what they supposed to be. I could never feel at home in that terrible prison with constant thinking who's gonna torture me next- my brother mentally or my parents physically and emotionally. I tried to bear it all.I tried and learned not to be too afraid and keep my sanity when I was a child and somehow, my already screwed up mind kept me in my already screwed up life and here I am, 18 years old, with scars and new wounds, with bloody lip and bloody palms,with my long hair forcefully cut off with some dark curse, all these ornaments left as memories and last regards from my mum and dad. Here I am in Prongsie's flat in Diagon Alley, my only sanctuary, touching my now spiky, too short, almost skins-like hair, lighting up a regular cigarette or maybe some weed- I don't even pay attention anymore, listening to the Smiths because Prongsie thinks for some reason that he has sense of humor today and helps me with whining songs and bad jokes about my looks.

''Pads, you know that when your fangirls see you, they will probably organise a pretty nice but creepy funeral for your lost hair? They may even go to Walburga and beg her to give them the corpse…'' At this, I had to laugh a little.

''You have to fall for that Pads, I mean it's the only common thing between you and those bimbos-your love for lost hair.'' Now I just started to scowl.

"Prongsie, really, is this your attempt to cheer me up? Do you now pretend not to know how many fucks I give for girls and looks and all that idiocy? Zero fucks, my deer.'' I made a little circle of smoke to present the latter number of fucks.

''Well, you should give some more because I know you just want to keep your badass reputation and all that crap, but for the love of god please wipe that blood out of your face, I'm having a dinner here.'' And then he started to ramble about some stupid everyday stuff, probably hoping to give my mind some ease. You know, Prongsie's everyday stuff-New grafitti we had yet to finish on a very new building in a very center of London, Lily not caring about his new Converse, Moony's new headache because of a full moon, Lily not caring about his apologies, some exspensive weed he bought from that jerk Fletcher, Lily not caring about his existence, new skateboard he found on sale in muggle London, Lily not… Wait wait wait.

''Prongsie? Remember when I was teaching you that new stuff with skate, on those skatepark stairs? I think it was about last year, when you had tripped over a lace of shoes and fallen directly on my board, with pieces of it sticking in your arse?'' You see, because of my bloody family, I began to develop some sort of riot. They hated everything that had relations with muggles and 'mudbloods', so as a very angry and aggressive young soul, I started to search for as many muggle stuff as I could find. I listened to the muggle punk and r'n'r, I started to wear jeans, combat boots and band shirts rather than wizard robes, I even learned how to use a skateboard-very interesting stuff, it gave a hell to Filch in our last year n Hogwarts. Moony , Prongs and Wormtail all supported me so they were looking and behaving very similar to me.

Prongsie started to shift uncomfortably in his chair, like he had felt the glorious pain of wood peiees in his arse again. He frowned at the memory when he answered me ''How could I fucking forget losing my arse virginity, which I hoped never to lose, to a fucking skateboard? What's your point?''

''Weeeell, my deer, my point is you broke my board and I left the rest of my favourite ones in that hellhole, so I want that new one you bought. You're spoiled brat, you can have every other skateboard in the whole world. Me on the other hand-just precious little snowflake, depressed and beaten up by his own family, desperate to give something a ride. How about that?''

''Okay, you git, but now you used your my-life-is-shit card for this month and today is first of July, ha!'' Prongsie said cheerfully while leaving the kitchen to find that bloody board.

Prongs was my brother. In these fucked up and hard times, I was more scared for him, Wormtail and Moony than for my own life. They are very brave souls, a true Gryffindors. Prongsie was dating Lily for about a year and despite their often arguments (like the one he was trying to talk about a few minutes ago), they were going to get married or something like that, I could see that. They were dreaming of starting a family and all that crap which is really nice even if they are too young, but I just couldn't not to dread for them. They were too good aurors, they even stood up to Voldemort once until now because he wanted us as his Death Eaters. Their love was something very pure and looking at them I caught myself thinking several times-Do I really don't need this? The answer is still no. I can't be that emotionally stable, lovesick fool when I had some arses to kick. And even if Moony shared my relationship status, he didn't share my opinion. He wanted love but was too afraid to hurt some innocent girl in 'that time of the month'. So I was this misunderstood little cloud, all scarred and wounded and just wanted to buy a motorcycle and go somewhere and get sloshed. Even if my motorcycle wish had yet to be satisfied, I still could get out of here, go to that muggle skatepark, fall and severely scratch myself several times, get bored, go to the Leaky, get drunk, go to the Nocturn Alley, get in some fight with some dark wankers and wake up sore with a mother of all hangovers. Yuuup, sounds like a good plan to me.

''Here you go Pads, and remember-if you break your spine let me know, make my day. I could use some good laugh'' the git snickered.

''har har, hilarious child, really I can't see why is Lily not talking to you'' I took my new skateboard and apparated to the random street in muggle London. I just loved to travel on this little wooden thing, so I started to wander around and search for that park.

After some yelling oldies about dirty rude punks on their useless boards, some triping and a few pushes into random people, I was finally there, in bare, grafitti covered, dirty, but not so old park. I started to roll around, flip, fall, get up , bruise knees, but I didn't feel any of it-my anger was finally surfacing. I didn't hear anything- just rolling little wheels on hard cold cement, and some buzzing, probably my rage saying how much it loved me. It was ok, it was good enough to keep me on one place for some time.

And then I did something really stupid even for my standards, I went to those bloody stairs and tried that bloody trick that resulted with Prongsie's injured arse, my foot somehow got trapped in a bloody railway and I stumbled forward, down the bloody stairs, trying to regain my balance. Trust Sirius to handle even worse situation, some bloody girl was standing on the end of the stairs, watching me amused, like it was some spectacular view, 6 foot 18 year old king of clumsy gits falling down the stairs. My beautiful gracious act finished directly before her feet and I heard laughing, pretty un-ladylike, for the record. She didn't even give me a hand when I started struggling to get up with my really badly scratched and bruised knees, even my jeans had ripped in the process. Oh well, this pair was the only one without holes on knees, I should expect that. When I finally straightened up I saw what kind of rude irritating thing was standing before me with a mocking smirk. Well, this kind of rude irritating thing was somehow pretty interesting (not hot not not not I don't think she's hot) looking. She was pretty tall, a couple of inches lower than me, with those big blue eyes, long legs in those converse all stars, fishnet leggins and ripped shorts (which I DON'T find hot), with long dark purple hair (ok what's with her, she's probably some stupid punk obsessed muggle) and some flanel shirt too big for her. She didn't have a skateboard with her so what the fuck was she doing here? Okay, I maybe accidentaly said the last part outloud.

''What, do you own this place? Your dad bought it for you?'' she scowled, all trails of smirking disappearing, but mirth still burning quietly in those creepy eyes of hers. I had to laugh on the irony in mentioning of my dad and buying something for me in the same sentence.

''No, but see those pawprint graffitti? Well, I marked my territory with it, so I own exactly this patch of skatepark''

"Well, in human world marking a territory doesen't count, are you having some identity crisis or something? Or you are some kind of a dog I'm not familiar with?'' Smirk was coming back and she was looking at me mock-worried.

''Oh, you have no idea.'' I muttered. I really didn't like the way she was treating me. No, scratch that, I hadn't got used to the way she was treating me. It wasn't flirting or ogling me. She was looking at me like I was her equal, not larger and more important. She had this annoyed and amused look, in the same time uninterested, like I was some weird boring kid.

''Sorry I stepped on your patch of the park, I just stopped to see that marvelous fall. It was worth every second of this stupid, unnecessary conversation, you know.'' She had that sweet but at the same time sinister smile on her face. And then she just turned around and walked away smoothly, with those legs moving and hips swaying and hair trailing behind her. Wait wait wait- did I just checked her out? Waaait, did she just said she had stupid and unnecassary conversation with me? Well, this is the first one. I usually don't even talk to girls, and even if I do it ends with them looking at me like I said the wisest thing in the world. It was just plain annoying, how could they be so shallow and dull.

Suddenly, I lost my will to break someone's nose and wake up in my own vomit. I smirked to myself on a thought of that wicked smile of hers and headed to Prongsie's flat. Merlin, if I only knew then in how tall load of shit I got myself into…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I'm so glad someone actually reads this stuff, thank you kate3110 on your review, I really appreciate it! Some constructive criticism is always welcome, too! Okay, so here's the second chapter, I still don't know what the hell I am doing with this story... :D

 **Disclamer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 2

A month passed very quickly and I slowly forgot about that fiasco of the day when I lost my hair before my parents, nerves before Prongs and dignity before that troublesome girl. You can get quite used to shit happening when it happens nearly every day, I approve, so I really didn't care anymore neither for my nerves, dignity or hair which wouldn't grow not even an inch (stupid old bitch and her dark magic). In the last ten days we dealt with Death Eathers four times, two of that I nearly got myself killed by that psychopath of my cousin. I know we are crazy brave lot, but we weren't exactly trained Aurors-we didn't have time for that. As soon as we finished school we joined the Order, learning literally on the street how to fight and survive.

So after this mess of a month I finally got a free weekend and of course I would use it for great and productive purposes. I'm half-sitting, half-lying on the floor with my back propped on the couch, drinking butterbeer and singing along some Led Zeppelin songs Moony put on the gramophone. We were in Prongsie's apartment, Marauders without Peter who was with his ill mom or something and Prongs and Moony thought that it was just great deal to listen to the song Black Dog because ''Heyyy Padfoot it's called _Black Dog_ is this like _your_ song or what? HA HA'' Okay, so maybe we were a little bored without a thing to do and a little tiny bit stoned of that Fletcher's weed we didn't have the time to try earlier. Prongs was lying on the couch right above me with his glasses standing at the very tip on his nose, eating chocolate frogs and daydreaming about picking flowers with Lily or something girly like that, while Moony rummaged through kitchen probably looking for some real food. Just a normal peaceful Friday afternoon, just how I liked it.

And just as I thought that, something or specifically _someone_ had to ruin it. We heard knocking and ''James, it's Lily, open up'', and we instantly knew we had to hide evidence of our great and productive purposes. My peaceful Friday afternoon turned in a few seconds into a quick tidying up, windows opening and frantic looking for our wands to vanish snacks leftovers and spilled butterbeer off the coffee table, and all of that trouble just to save ourselves from a redheaded fury.

''Moony, get your arse over here and put that ashtray away! Padfoot, for fuck's sake, put some clothes on!'' could be heard at the same time with my panicked screeching ''Where's my shirt?! This is not my wand! Accio shirt! NOT _THIS_ SHIRT, WHOSE SHIRT IS THIS? BLOODY HELL!'' and Moony's ''Calm down, she can hear us! _Ouch,_ why is this chandelier so bloody low?! Prongs, open the bloody window! Padfoot, give me my wand back, what are you doing?! _Fuck!_ '' I didn't notice until now how clumsy Moony became in his panic attack mode.

''Guys? What's going on? Are you okay?'' Lily's muffled voice quieted our frantic shouting.

''Yeah Lily, don't worr-EW'' Prongs tried to sound normal, but failed miserably with his panting voice. It didn't help when he stepped into the poop of his newly arrived owl Lenard.

''Okay, something's going on in there. _Alohomora_!'' Lily barged in worried when she caught us frozen, in the literally most weird situation ever. Prongs was standing with empty butterbeer bottles in his hands, one foot in Lenard's shit while Lenard was trying to get his attention because he just came through the open window with a letter from Prongs' mom. I was trying to get my head through the sleeve of my shirt instead of a collar, while holding my hurting rib because Moony had hit me demanding his wand back. Moony was standing with the ashtray in one hand and some… explicit... magazines in the other, probably trying to get rid of them by throwing them through the open window, with crumbles of toast on his sweater.

''…you know what? I can't even…Don't tell me, I don't want to know.'' Lily sighed, defeated.

* * *

After some awkward hours with us pretending nothing really happened, and I suppose Lily pretending that she is not disappointed with what she fell in love, all of us agreed that we need to go somewhere and enjoy ourselves, because tomorrow all of us could sleep in some hangovers. Because of the intense and unsafe situation in the Wizarding world, we decided it would be the best to go to that one Muggle pub we all liked because of the music and nice beer. We casually strolled into the pub and easily fit into the atmosphere-we were all dressed like proper Muggles, Prongs in some flannel shirt and jeans, Lily in some black dress, Moony in some sweater and trousers. Pretty normal, huh? Except me of course, I looked like bloody nazi obsessed skinhead because of my stupid haircut. Ok, so maybe I wasn't quite over my lost hair. Leather jacket, The Clash shirt, ripped jeans and combat boots didn't do much help, either.

We fortunately found one free table in a very crowded pub and succumbed to a nice conversation and soft blues in the background.

And then came that…thing to remind me why my left calf still hurts when the weather is changing. That thing with long purple hair and those old Converse all stars and that un-ladylike voice of hers, was sitting for the table next to ours and really needed a lighter because her friend over there lost hers and was too shy to ask strangers for little help. She didn't even see me while she was trying not to trip over some stool. Somehow bored, chewing her gum loudly and too annoyingly, she was rambling about her friend when she finally caught my gaze. That bloody smirk started to form on her face as the recognition and sweet memory of my pain washed over her. At that point, I knew I was screwed.

''Well, isn't it the marvelous-falling, territory-marking dogboy?'' She asked humored. _No, no it isn't. Oh crap._ And again, trust Sirius to make himself even a bigger fool before her, for some reason, unknown to me or to God for that matter, I stood up. Then I realized that I had stood up and that everyone was watching me oddly, I tried to think of something good to say, not to embarrass myself and just be normal guy, for once. It even crossed my mind that I should be all not caring-cool-badass sod like I was the most of the time.

''Er…I… Um…Yeah.'' It came out somehow squeaky, like someone just hit me in the gut. _Smooth, you not caring-cool-badass sod, you._

She laughed and her blue eyes laughed and are those freckles? Those laughed too.

''Well, it's nice to see you can stand after all.'' She said amused and then she suddenly widened her eyes, made a worried expression and started to talk hushed and mock-knowingly, like I was some kid who needed a good lecture ''Be careful though, look! I can see stairs over there! Watch out, first you go with the left foot, then with the right one! Got it? You should practice, just in case.''

''Oh no I was…'' c'mon brain, why do you have to do this to me _now_ of all times _?_ ''It was…an accident'' Excellent Sirius, you said a little and it was stupid. Way to go in showing how eloquent you are.

I heard a very loud snort from that git I call my best friend, my brother and all that crap. Casually sliding my hand around my back, I showed him my middle finger. ''Are you stalking me now or what? This is the second time you're appearing from nowhere just to talk to me. I'm starting to worry you're as crazy as you look.'' In my head this sounded confident, but with my still squeaky voice and those jerks openly laughing at me it just sounds pathetic now.

''Oh yeah, absolutely, I'm just waiting in some bushes for you to come around so I can madly fall in love in your clumsy skinhead arse. Having a little too high opinion of ourselves, are we? Just can't see why.'' She was so sarcastic that her smirk disappeared and she was wearing a little nasty look. She quickly changed it and covered up her little anger attack with a naughty grin, then turned around and went back to her table, with Prongsie's lighter. _God,_ how much she could jump on my nerves with a little conversation, I never met someone that irritating in my whole life.

'' _What?_ '' I barked at my now ex-best friends with the annoyed scoff. Merlin, how petty could I become with my ego ruined forever. Ok, so maybe I wasn't quite over my dignity either.

''Nothing, mate, just your turn to pay this round'' Moony said clearly amused with my childish sulk.

''Yeah. Right. Fine.'' I went to order another round, thinking on my way how I'm gonna need plenty of those to calm down.

Fuck it, it would be nice to get out of here.

''You know what guys? I just remembered I didn't finish my part of that graffiti we started painting in the Muggle way. And I really want to do that now. So, see ya later.'' They were watching me like I was mad again. Oh well, I probably was, it wasn't really important to me what people say and certainly I was offended on much worse ways in my life. I was really going crazy. No, it had nothing to do with that bloody girl. Seriously it hadn't. Oh screw graffiti, I'm just gonna become Padfoot for a while, at least like a dog I didn't have a single worry on the world. Why can't it stay that way when I'm sodding Sirius? Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Here's the third chapter, it was finished pretty quickly...Oh well, writing while I have free time, which is a lot now. :D kate3110, do I have to write about Peteeer? Kidding, I listened to your very helpful advice so I'm not going to avoid writing about little rat. I solemnly swear this story will have it's plot and proper end, just figuring out how to do it. :D

For the other precious snowflakes who actually bother to read this, leave some helpful review if you want to, it's making me really happy :D

 **Disclamer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 3

Some girls were annoying and loud because '' _Oh my God_ look at that dog! It's going straight for me!'' No, I'm not going straight for you, you silly weird afro-disco-tacky blonde, so I decided to become Sirius again after a couple of hours. It was around 4am already, just before sunrise. I was still wondering should I just go back to Prongs' when I caught myself standing before that graffiti of ours. We weren't really imaginative, it presented us in our Animagus forms, but everyone had a job to draw someone else. For example, I was drawing Moony, Moony was drawing Prongs, Prongs-Wormtail and Wormtail-me. Honestly, it looked like some nine year olds used sprays for the first time in their life. But right now it had dawned to me that the rule was not to use magic, so of course we had to break it-even if it's our rule, it was still _the rule_. I was just thinking what could I do to fix those awful legs of Moony's I tried to draw, when I saw the source of my foul mood approaching. Seriously, again? But, she didn't see me yet…And she wasn't alone. I started to panic for some reason so I quickly ran to hide just between some bush and the wall of the building and cast Disillusionment charm, so I could be creepy stalker in a full mode. What's wrong with me, why am I so interested in what they are talking about? Fortunately for this creepy stalker, they sat on the bench in front of _my_ bush and kept talking. She didn't look too cheerful, _not that I cared_ , and this wanker was giving her some lecture. He looked like some smartass with that smug expression and well-kept short haircut, and that ugly white shirt. So what if I had the similar one? It suited me better. Oh Merlin, I'm such a girl.

''Just tell me for once, just tell me where are you going. You keep showing up and disappearing like nothing happened, and you won't tell me anything and I'm worried and just…'' The wanker really looked worried. _Boohoo, my girl won't tell me where she is every second, poor me._

''…You know what Joe, I think we should break up. This is clearly not going well and I just can't afford to be so dependant.'' She interrupted him with sharp tone but some pity in her eyes.

''You see, this is your problem. When it becomes deeper and more meaningful, you just run away. Christ, it's like you're the guy in this…..semi-relationship thing!'' Joe The Wanker grew more and more irritated with Purple Pest's behaviour. ''You're right, we should break up. I hope you'll find some independent peace with someone exactly like you, just to see how it is when you fall in love with someone who has no idea what emotions mean!'' With the end of his little speech, Joe The Wanker left Purple Pest sitting on that bench, looking not hurt but somehow humiliated. I know that look, I was major in feeling humiliated.

So here I am, hiding in bushes, accidentally witnessing post-breakup humiliation of some girl I saw third time in my life tonight. What to do now? Should I just walk away? _No, Sherlock, go in there and console her explaining how you were spying on her in the bushes for the last 15 minutes._

''Come out from that bushes, look uncomfortable and just plain weird, Dogboy'' Mother Earth, open up, swallow me whole and spit me out somewhere in Ghana. _How_ could she see me, for fuck's sake?

''You can see me from there?'' I asked in innocent, I-don't-know-what's-going-on voice, still standing behind the bushes.

''Well, considering you're standing in front of the wall and bush isn't the wall, yeah, I guess so.'' She was still looking a little off, but that wicked smile of hers was threatening to break out on her face.

Well, crap. My Disillusionment charm probably wore off while I wasn't paying attention. I really should start to get used to my shitty life and go live in some cottage with goats, far away from civilization.

''Sorry for eavesdropping, I was just… Honestly, I have no fucking idea why I did that.'' I really was honest. What in the world crawled up my arse to do something like that? I sat next to her on that bench thinking if maybe Walburga dropped me on my head when I was little. When I realized how actually awkward this is, I felt some blush creeping up my face. _Great, this is what I need now._

''Hah, it's a little creepy, but not too creepy, so it's okay. You're honest, at least'' She smiled a little and it was somehow soft and how can those eyes smile and be soft? Eyes don't have their own temper, as far as I know. ''C'mon, don't be so awkward, it's me who should feel ashamed here, _you_ were witnessing _my_ nasty breakup'' she punched me lightly on the upper arm, still smiling.

''Yeah, but I was hiding in bushes like some maniac, so we're equal. Let's not talk about this to anyone?'' I turned my head to her and gave her one of my sincere smiles.

She laughed for real now and it was deep and hoarse and un-ladylike and…nice.

''You're right, that was quite a show, you were like a deer trapped in headlights when I saw you. Ok, not mentioning this again.''

I turned my head to look at that horrible graffiti and took out a pack of cigarettes. ''Want one? They help me in fucked up times.''

''Really? I don't smoke usually…Yeah, why not?'' She accepted my generous offer reluctantly.

''That's some horrible graffiti. I mean, the deer and the dog look okay, but the rat and…Is this another dog? Terrible,'' She grinned while squinting her eyes to see properly our peace of art.

''Why thank you for your compliments, that's a wolf and I painted it.'' I grinned, not even pretending to be offended. ''Although I will forward to Remus and Peter that you liked the dog and the deer, they will be ecstatic to find out that me and James suck at painting…Not that they didn't know that in the first place, but now they will pester us forever.''

''Well, you should practice with this too, not just with going down the stairs.'' She kept smiling and I really didn't know why her teasing didn't annoy me as much as before.

''Oh you just keep recalling my fails, this is what I need in my life. Just _great_.'' I scoffed.

''On your service, sir.'' She tried to bow while sitting so it looked rather funny. Even if she looked silly, in the same time she still looked foul and distressed, so I had to ask her did she love him. No, I didn't have to but I wanted to. But I didn't know how because I was terrible with anything that had any relation with emotions and feelings. But she did look hurt, so I was thinking it was probably because of a breakup.

''Was it like...love or some crap like that?'' I coughed realizing I sounded like an idiot ''Was it love?'' I corrected myself, hoping that she would understand my jumping off the topic and cryptic question.

She looked puzzled for a moment, and then she realized what I was talking about. ''No. No, it wasn't.'' She said quietly.

We fell in really comfortable silence, still looking at our peace of art. This was actually pretty normal, like I was sitting with one of my three best friends. No need for breaking the silence, no need for trying to be interesting and keep some stupid and unnecessary conversation, as she put it.

Soon it started to dawn and this was the first time I saw her clearly, not with dim light or in dark. I was right the first time, she _was_ interesting looking. I must have been staring for some time because she looked at me awkwardly ''What? Something on my face?''

''No, nothing. Nevermind.'' I smiled again and threw a butt of probably the hundredth cigarette for that night on the ground. This was like a signal for her to get up. She stepped on it looking at me while I was looking at her foot, then her legs, then her…upper body and finally her face. She _was_ tall for a girl, those _were_ some long legs.

''Well, I should probably go now. Remember, not even a word about our little situation.'' She smirked and added a little more seriously ''I guess this is a goodbye then. Shouldn't say see ya, probably won't happen.'' I swear she said that somehow sadly. No, not sadly but… Melancholically? Is that even a word?

''Hah, I solemnly swear that nobody shall know. Bye, Purple.'' I said quietly. She smiled for the last time and walked away. How many times I watched her go away until now? I closed my eyes, lighting my last cigarette for this odd but pleasant night.

* * *

Tiredness caught up with me on my way to Prongsie's flat, but somehow, I don't know why, I was in a good mood. Even if I wasn't drunk making some trouble or fighting some Death Eaters, I was happy. I was also content, and perfectly fine and at ease. This was almost unfamiliar feeling for me, I wasn't feeling like that since the start of the War. I know it's weird, but I wasn't sad because I would probably never see this girl again. She was some good company for that moment, but she still was irritating thing most of the time, like all of the girls were.

When I came into the flat I wasn't surprised to see Wormtail alone sitting in his chair, drinking coffee and reading Daily Prophet. You see, even if this was Prongsie's apartment, we were coming here whenever we liked it, and since it was Saturday and Wormtail was usually up early, he came in his second home to lose his free time.

''Hey Pete, what's up? Didn't see you since Wednesday''. I grinned sleepily.

''Oh you know, mom, Order, mom again, same as always. Where were you?'' He grinned back.

''Out, walking, resting my head.''

''Well, this is something new. Padfoot I know would be sleeping in there'' he pointed to the guest room which was called Padfoot's room for the last couple of months, ''or hating himself while throwing his insides up in there.'' He pointed to the bathroom.

''Don't get used to it, it's one in a lifetime sight.'' I answered mischievously. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone about my one-night friendship. ''Going to sleep now, see ya later, mate''

''See ya'', Wormtail answered absent-mindedly, looking back at the newsletter.

 _This is going to be a nice day_ , I thought looking through the window while taking my clothes off and climbing into bed. I smiled inwardly. _Nothing will break my peace today_.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** kate3110, totally understanding you for seeing HP references everywhere, same trouble here... Purple Pest explanation-Sirius doesn't know her name so he makes up a nickname, Purple because of her hair, Pest because she annoys him to hell :D So, chapter 4 here, I'm not really satisfied with it but right now can't do better, tired and shit :D

 **Disclamer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 4

…And I was right. Saturday was as pleasant as one free day can be. The evening won, though. While Wormtail and Moony played chess, Prongs and I were trying to make some dinner. Just as we started thinking about giving up because we threw away too much ruined food, angel the savior in the shape of red-hair-green-eyes-my-favorite-girl Lily came.

''James! Open up! Is Sirius in there? I've got something for him!'' She sounded excited. Like really, I was worried a little bit is there a chance for her to have a stroke in the hallway. James went to take off protecting wards with raised eyebrows and confused expression. She didn't even comment on his stained shirt and sweating face (we were _really_ trying to make something edible), when she barged in with some little jar in her hands.

''Sirius where are you?! You won't believe what I have here with me!'' She was literally screaming her lungs out.

''For the love of God stop yelling, I'm standing right next to you.'' I answered wryly.

''Right, didn't see you there. Hah, sorry.'' She smiled sheepishly. ''Anyway, check this out! I've got a recipe from Madam Pomfrey, and I shall present you, my dear friend, a crème which helps growing your hair back, the cause of losing it doesn't matter! _Ta-da_!''

Really, if Prongs doesn't marry this girl, I will, even if I have the whole philosophy against marriage and relationships.

''Lily! I owe you one! You have no idea how much I needed this!'' And now I was yelling too. And jumping a little. Ok, a lot. Let me get this straight, I really didn't care much about my looks. It's just that every time I looked myself in the mirror, I saw just another thing 'my family' took away from me, just to show me how miserable, pathetic and helpless human being I really am. Just to show me how they can have control even over the small and insignificant things in my life. Well, not anymore. External scars decorated with tattoos, internal scars hidden, and a couple of months later, hair growing back. And no one could see that I had issues.

* * *

Eventful summer soon changed into a very eventful fall, the second one since we got out of school. And I was still trying not to get jealous when I see children running through Diagon Alley in the search for books or cloaks or owls or quills to prepare themselves for Hogwarts. Oh well, I'm supposed to be the responsible one now.

So here I am, being all responsible and shit, leaning in my chair and balancing on its two hind legs. We're on the Order meeting, waiting for our leaders, Dumbledore and Moody to arrive. You see, most of us were working for the Ministry, even if some of us didn't have our official Auror trainings, so Order meetings could be almost always held in the Ministry conference rooms, disguised as regular business meetings. Just as Moony prepared to smack me because I was smoking and blowing smoke circles in his direction, Dumbledore and Moody came. And they weren't alone. And I recognized their companion and wanted to let Moony smack me until, if I'm lucky, death.

''Good morning. I'm glad you came and don't worry, today we don't have any terrible news. We just wanted to discuss some Order reforms which, I hope, will satisfy all of us. But before that, I want to introduce our new member to you. She just finished her Auror training and because of her natural talent, I naturally invited her to join us.'' Dumbledore announced in cheery tone.

Purple Pest? Witch? Auror? What the fuck is going on here and why isn't she wearing some robes? She still looks like a freaking Muggle which I was convinced she was, until now. Waaait, does that mean I will be seeing her on regular basis? And how can she be trained Auror when I'm not one? And why I don't remember her from Hogwarts? And how-

''This is Vivian White. Vivian, you will have an opportunity to meet your comrades a little later, when we finish this meeting'' Dumbledore smiled politely and she returned it. She sat on the free spot next to Lily who introduced herself immediately, being all happy and loud and Lily-ish. Vivian. _Vivian._ It sounds so classy and soft and elegant, all of which this girl definitely lacks. She didn't change at all from that night we shared some cigarettes, awkward moments and a couple of words. Still that purple hair and height and Converse All Stars, but now with jeans and sweater. And those freckles, I could see those from my spot. And those blue eyes were traveling now down the table, absorbing all new faces with amused expression. Her gaze shifted from Moony's face to mine, and for a moment there I wanted to do something stupid like wave, but she didn't give any clue of recognition. What, she forgot about our little situation? Why the fuck do I sound so hurt to myself? Merlin, I'm like those two-personality persons. That, or a PMSing girl. I wish I could just-

Aaand I just realized that Dumbledore started talking again. _Great, Sirius, just keep arguing with yourself, don't listen to the leader and get yourself killed within 24 hours._

''…But more of that will tell us Alastor, because he came up with the whole idea.'' More of what? Oh please God don't let it be related to me like 'let's sacrifice Sirius to Voldemort personally because he's being a stupid git for the last 15 minutes'. I started to search for some answers on my mates' faces. They looked determined but not too worried. Okay so probably they won't sacrifice me… Or will they? I was pretty annoying half of my life, maybe they just can't put up with my shit anymore.

Moody cleaned his throat and thank goodness woke me up from my paranoia.

''Okay, about those two-man squads. I think it's the safest to go in groups wherever you go, but the number of missions is awfully increasing. So, when you have opportunity, be free to make a group and stay safe, but we will today give you your…Let's call that 'Partners' when you have things for Order to get done. Of course, those of you who go on solo missions will keep going alone, I know it's fucked up but it's the only way.'' Oh, this is about two-man squads! That's so easy, they have to put me with Prongs. I turned my head to face him and grin in confirmation, but he was already gazing reassuringly…At Lily. Well, crap. Okay, so Moony it is! But he had his solo fucking mission with werewolves' pack. Wormy? Please be available please please please-

''Peter, you will also have a solo mission which involves a lot of working from home, so you can stay close to your mother.'' _Oh c'mon now._

Moody started to read from parchment who will go on missions with whom and I just kept balancing on my chair, hoping that maybe I will also go on some solo mission and die.

''Black, your partner will b-Black! Look alive or I will kick your lazy uninterested arse, I swear to God!'' Moody growled irritated. I don't know what's with that man, he's always up my arse yelling and ordering and yelling again when I don't listen to his orders. It may or may have not some relations with the fact that Prongs, Wormtail and I pulled one prank that resulted with his wooden leg catching fire. Accidentally, of course. Believe me.

I stopped balancing on my chair, sat normally and took my hands off my face, with a little shaken expression. I admit, the lad scares the shit out of me sometimes.

''So, Black, your partner will be this new lass, White is it?'' She nodded with serious expression and I just wanted to hide under the table. I can't go on missions _with this new lass,_ that shit requires trust and friendship and all that crap when you save each other's lives constantly! And I know that I can't be friends with some random person _, annoying girl no less!_

''Your mission will be to find, save and guard one girl who is in mortal danger. You will get more information tomorrow, when we gather more.'' Another girl? But I don't like talking to girls! Or spend time with them! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?!

After some more of my self-pitying, the meeting was finally over. Those gits I call my best friends surrounded me, snickering and being all happy because of my trouble.

''Oh c'mon Pads, don't be such a wuss. _Oh no, I have to work with a pretty girl. What if I become her crush? What if she wants to be with me and/or sleep with me?! My life is so ruined_!'' Prongs tried to imitate me-didn't work. But those two other gits started to laugh hysterically.

''Har har, hilarious. I'm not…You don't…Oh shut up!'' I tried to find some good comeback but it didn't exactly go well, so I just scoffed, and then…

''Black?'' hoarse, un-ladylike voice called. I turned around to see Purple P- _Vivian_ standing in front of me, firstly relaxed. When she took a better look of me she looked confused and in the end truly enlightened.

''You! You're Sirius Black? Merlin, I'm such an idiot! And you looked familiar!'' she exclaimed. So she _didn't_ recognize me on the meeting.

''Yeah…Uhm…Hi.'' _Smooth_. ''And why didn't you recognize me, again?'' I asked sheepishly.

''Because of the hair, of course! Stopped being a skinhead, got back to being fabulous heartbreaker with long, silky haircut again, huh?'' She smirked.

''I'm not…I wasn't going to…Oh, screw it. Yeah, that's right. Wanna tell me we met when I had long hair?'' I barked, annoyed.

''Well we didn't exactly meet, but every girl in a freaking school knew who you are, badass, I-don't-give-a-damn-about-girls-or-grades Marauder. I was in Ravenclaw, a year older, had short black hair then. You probably don't remember me and I understand, someone _that_ conceited doesn't really care about anyone around him, so don't worry.'' She gave me one of those sweet but sinister smiles which gave me goose bumps. _This is not going to be pleasant._

''Well I really don't. Please don't tell me you had a crush on me then?'' I asked tiredly. Really, she doesn't look like one of those girls, she didn't behave like them. Although... She didn't really know that I'm Sirius Black, she probably thought of me like some random skinhead Muggle.

''Again starting with I'm-better-than-you crap, are we? No, I did not have a crush on you, because if I did, that creepy sexist avoidance of girls you have would disappear. You would find girls' company much nicer. Actually, you would find _one girl's_ company much nicer, I assure you.'' She smiled naughtily, winked, turned around and walked away with those hips swaying _again,_ leaving me gaping, with head totally blank.

Prongs snorted, Wormtail whistled and Moony patted me on the shoulder, with the one sentence that was so true it was painful: ''Pads, _you're fucked_.''


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** : Okay, here's another chapter, and this one has a little description of Sirius' personality, so you could understand why is he so emotionally handicapped.  
kate3110, I just had to name her Vivian, just wanting to make her walking contradiction, she has to match our Sirius of course ;) You're welcome, be free to ask if you don't understand something else, English is not my native either so I may be making some mistakes. :D

 **Disclamer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 5

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Fucking. Do it. Put me in woods, to freeze on January morning air just so I could spy on some trolls with constant risk of them seeing me and making some Dog Soup of me-fine by me. Put me in the middle of the battle, with Death Eaters surrounding me, while I have only my wand and Prongs against my back-peace of cake. Put me under a Cruciatus curse by my favorite cousin Bella, and I would freaking survive it. But I couldn't, just _couldn't_ handle this girly thing. She was unbelievable. The rest of that doomed day when I found out that she's a witch and my partner, no less, she didn't want to shut up. Like literally. And she didn't want to detach herself from us because a certain redhead didn't want her to, because "Hey, I finally have some girl friend, like seriously I'm surrounded by men for the last two years! Except for Alice of course, but she's just so busy right now!'' _For fuck's sake Lily, take her home, make her your pet if you like her that much._

The following day I woke up already in a bad mood. I had those creepy mood swings every now and then, like Moony in his time of the month but I tried to hide them, I often misplaced people's help for bad intentions, didn't really know how to develop a deeper connection with anyone besides Prongs, Moony, Wormy and Lily, and had some kind of depression from time to time, with often nightmares and without a will to live. What to say-ruined childhood, lack of parents' love and all that crap. I am fucked up person and I'm aware of that, but I couldn't really change it so I presented myself to the other people the truest I could-all of my depression, sadness and inferiority complexes mixed up in things I could and knew how to show-with rebel bursts and immature pranks.

So I set off to the Ministry hoping I would calm myself down to the presentable level along the way. And really, when I arrived to Auror's office I thought I could bear to be all calm and zen, even if today was my bad day. But that's the problem-I just _thought_ I could.

I was late for good 15 minutes because I accidentally woke up late. Really, can this morning be any crappier? I ran down the hallway, nearly knocking down Arthur Weasley, and just when I was about to burst into Moody's office, I changed my mind. I waited for a couple of seconds to learn how to breathe again and when I felt normal enough, I casually strolled into office.

''Not gonna apologize for being late, didn't want to come in the first place.'' I said in cheerful tone. Vivian was already here, looking at me with raised eyebrows and how-can-you-be-so-obnoxious question in her eyes.

''Shut up and sit down, Black, we're already running out of time. When you hear what I have to say you will not look so full of yourself, trust me.'' Moody growled, scowling at me.

''Yeah yeah, who's the girl and when can we pick her up?'' I asked bemused, waving my hand dismissively.

''It's your cousin, Black. The daughter of Andromeda, little Nymphadora Tonks.'' Moody said frowning. ''She's just six years old and they want her because of her abilities. You know how rare Metamorphaguses are. They want to make some experiments on her or something that sick and twisted. Andromeda and Ted just can't protect her enough now, so they asked us for little help, just until we somehow clean the coast for Nymphadora. So don't worry, this little mission of yours will last just a couple of days, considering it's your first as partners.'' His voice was dark and full of wariness.

My false calmness just disappeared. ''She's just a child, how can they…? They just can't…'' And I realized it's time to shut up and eat myself from inside quietly, because they _could and would because we're dealing with fucking Voldemort here._ And this wasn't really professional from me, considering we're in the middle of the war with thousands of children in constant danger. But this was Andromeda's kid, the only part of my sick family I actually cared for.

I breathed deeply to steady myself, ignoring Vivian's questioning look. ''Ok, when and where should we pick her up?''

''You should go tomorrow in the dawn, to their home in Bristol. Apparate there, they will expect you at six.'' Moody said in hurry. ''Now, get these papers and fill them in, and come back for more when you finish. Get out now, I have things to get done.''

We got out, hands full with stupid stocks of papers and started off to our little box-offices. We weren't talking, but this isn't at all comfortable silence like the one before. She was looking at me oddly. What the f-

''What?'' I barked, irritated merely with her presence.

''Nothing. Sorry about your little cousin.'' She said sharply, like she wasn't sorry at all. Well at least she didn't go all sympathetic and sad on me.

''It's not like she's dead. Shit happens, we have to deal with it.'' I put on a blank face. It's not like Vivian was my friend, so she couldn't know about my struggles.

''Riiight. That's what your earlier behaviour also said.'' She raised her eyebrow.

''Hey, my behaviour didn't say a thing to you! Just stop… Stop talking with my behaviour!'' I all but shouted and stomped to my little office, annoyed. _Stop talking with my behaviour? What the bloody hell, Sirius?_

And later that day, when I went God knows which time back to my office with another stock of papers in my hands, I was talking to Frank Longbottom and wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings. He was going in the other direction so I turned my head to answer some of his questions, when I hit into something. And that something started to fall and tried to retain balance holding onto me, so I dropped my stock of papers and grabbed onto her. Yup, of course that something was _her._ Oh, this would be so sappy- romantic- romance movie- scene if it wasn't us. And if I wasn't accidentally grabbing her arse while helping her steady herself.

''Oh sorry, I wasn't…'' And then she looked at me with those big blue eyes and I swear something weird happened to my stomach, and it felt like it was going on for a couple of hours…But then she dropped her look. On my hands. On her arse.

''Oi! Get your hands off my arse, you weirdo!'' She yelled, seemingly annoyed.

''Oh no, it was an accident! Sorry!'' I quickly moved my hands away from her, blushing. Blushing like some little healthy girl living on Alps, running on some pasture, picking flowers. _Man, I was so feminine_.

''Sirius? Is that blush I see there? Aw, you're embarrassed, so cute! I thought I'll never see you being that…human!'' Unfortunately, Lily was standing next to Vivian and decided to harass me some more. _Thanks, mate._ And when she saw my glare, She thought it was cool to keep going because nothing says 'Lily, please disgrace me some more' like a deadly glare.

''You see, Vivian, Sirius has a little problem with showing normal human emotions, so this is something very odd and rare. You must be really affecting him deeply! Oh my God, maybe he's-''

''THANK YOU, LILY, that's enough.'' I cut off her rambling, seeing where this goes, trying to keep my blush under control.

Vivian was smiling mock-innocently, Lily was smiling wickedly, I wanted to cry.

''Anyway, we came to tell you that you can't go anywhere tonight, we're having a guest at James'. I'm making a dinner, so don't worry.'' Lily butted in before I could say anything in protest. I of course understood who the guest was, and after numerous awkward moments we shared and working with her against my will, I really wasn't happy about it.

* * *

When I came home that day, I went straight to my room and took some 4-hour nap. The previous night was a little wild with me and the rest of the Marauders in Leaky. Long story short, I'm carrying a huge hangover whole day because I was trying to drown my misery of working with troublesome purple girl, and all of this was cause of my ultimate bad mood today. And then, after 4 hours of curing my hangover, I heard some laughing and cheerful talking, but I shut it all off, pretending it wasn't happening. But then Prongs barged in, yelling how I was rude git and our guest is here for good half an hour and I should put some clothes on because everyone was waiting for me so they could start eating. Oh crap, I totally forgot about Vivian coming. I sneaked to the bathroom, put on some clean shirt and tried to make my hair look presentable enough. Why was I doing this, again? _I have no fucking clue_.

''Oh hi Dogboy, didn't knew you live here too.'' Vivian smiled mischievously, crossing her legs. Ok, those were rather tight trousers she was wearing.

''Padfoot, why does she call you Dogboy? Does she know-'' Moony started, being all suspicious and stuff.

''It's because some stupid inside joke, never mind.'' I cut him off quickly.

''Oh, they don't know we met before? Well, I shall start talking, then.'' Vivian smirked.

''Remember that evening in the pub when I came asking you for a lighter?'' She said casually. No. No no no we agreed we are not going to talk about our incident. I tried to tell her with my eyes to zip it. I probably looked very handsome and bright with my weird grimace because she chuckled.

''Well, we met even before that…'' Vivian looked at me amused because I sighed relieved. She is not going to talk about that night. Thank goodness, I probably wouldn't live to hear end of it if those three gits found out about my little spying escapade. She talked about my fall down the stairs, then my 'friends' made bad jokes about it, but it wasn't unpleasant. Certainly it was very normal evening, she fit into our little group nicely.

Topics varied from our Hogwarts days to us getting used to the living in war and finally, to our missions. Wormtail just finished talking about his solo mission when Vivian turned to Moony.

''Remus, what's your mission about?'' She asked with mildly curious expression. I started to shift uncomfortably on my spot on the floor. Does Moony want her to know about his furry little problem? All people from the Order knew already, and they accepted it very nicely. I think that exactly this time of Moony's life was the happiest one, even if it was terrible on the big picture. He felt like he belonged somewhere, for the first time.

''Okay, I will tell you, but you will probably freak out. People usually have prejudice about it, but the whole lot from the Order accepted it, so… I have a 'furry little problem' as my friends call it. I am a werewolf.'' Moony said, looking uneasy, waiting for her to run away. We were all waiting for that, actually.

''…Okay…? So your mission will be…? To kill little children werewolves or something awful like that?'' She asked perplexed.

''Christ, no! I'm just spying Greyback's pack! Not killing anyone!'' Moony said disgusted.

''So where's the part I freak out?'' Vivian was looking plainly confused.

''Vivian, you see, the most of people freak out because they see werewolves as beasts. So we were thinking…'' James started explaining, but Vivian cut him off.

''So you're thinking I'm some shallow conceited jerk who doesn't really care about other people and their problems? I don't see any difference except I feel a little sorry for such a nice bloke, not because you're a werewolf but because of a stupid wizarding world and their ignorance.'' Vivian finished fiercely, blue eyes burning and deep voice rising. Merlin, she was something else. No, I don't think she's something good. No, I don't find her less irritating than before. _Ok, maybe a little less._ That's not the point. Shut up, inner Sirius!

''Merlin, you are something else.'' That was Prongs. Oh good, I wasn't the only one thinking that. Which means I'm normal Sirius! Ha!

She smiled sweetly at him and Wormtail started a new topic, to go back on lighter mood.

* * *

After many stories about us ruining professors' lives for seven years, much laughter and some bickers between Vivian and me, she announced that she had to go home because of our early morning mission.

And of course, with that girl and me in the same room it never could end smoothly, without me being a git or her being annoying or some awkwardness.

''I'm glad you came, hoping this could become ordinary thing. I knew you were special, since our little Pads chose you of all those girls.'' Said Prongs, snickering. _Thanks a lot, mate._

''Chose me? Oh no, it's nothing like that, trust me.'' Vivian smiled, and flushed a little. _That thing could flush?_

In the same time I was frowning and scoffing and mumbling ''Shut up git, you know I'm not doing that…'' and couldn't finish my thought because Vivian turned to me.

''You're not doing that what? Are you gay? Or you wanted to say you're not doing me?'' She grinned, while others chuckled and Wormy mock-gasped. _See? See what happens when I think she could be at least a little tolerable?_

''It's just your luck I'm not gay. But on the second thought not much, because I'm not doing that _things called relationships and crap_. By the way, I would do you, if I wanted to.''

Now everybody watched me confused because yes, I was confident bloke, but in the different branches of life, like school and battles and drinking and managing mischief. I've never shown any Casanova-like confidence, because as you already know I wasn't a fuckboy and didn't really care for girls. This was something new, but I really had to pay her back so it was her turn to gape with blank head when I winked and smirked naughtily.

''Oh, maybe in your wet dreams, Black.'' She covered up her blush with her own smirk, greeted everyone else and apparated home. _She was most definitely something else._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** What to say, I'm a fast little cloud :D I really want to finish this and I'm afraid I will not have that much time with my school starting on 1st September, so I will keep updating quickly for this couple of days. kate3110, I gave you a small information in this chapter, but more will be revealed later. So glad you like my Sirius, I really see him as a precious character :D So this chapter is at first funny (but there's a reason why this is M rated) and later it's...how do they call it... a little bit fluffy? :D

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 6

I fucking overslept. Trust Sirius to be responsible this once in his life and he blows it, of course. I was supposed to meet Vivian at 5:45, but I didn't, of course, because I was sleeping.

And I would probably continue it if I didn't hear sickly sweet voice waking me up, coming from the person who was flicking her wand at the blinds to let cold and weak sunrays through my room.

''Rise and shine, little star, we have some work to do!'' _Oh my God, not her, not now._

I rolled myself even more in my blanket and covered my head. But that madwoman came and literally, physically tried to peel the blanket off me. And I was usually sleeping just in boxers. And you know guys' biggest problem in the morning, with their _whole_ body (cough) waking up with them? Well, I had it too. So I was holding onto my blanket like it could save my dear life.

''C'mon, you can't be that hard this early in the morning! Get up!'' She was talking about my personality. I didn't have exactly that on my mind.

''Of course I can be that hard! I'm a guy for crying out loud! Get out of my room!'' I almost yelled, but then I remembered Prongs and probably Lily were still sleeping.

Vivian looked at me baffled. And then she started to laugh so hard that she was wiping tears away from her face.

''Oh…My…God….'' She was trying to catch her breath.

''I wasn't talking about…that! C'mon, just stop being such a princess, I'm not Mother Marry, you know! I know how male anatomy works, I woke up next to that several times, for crying out loud!'' She pulled my blanket again and I was so shocked that I had let it slip away. _She woke up next to that several times?_ I started to blink rapidly, probably looking like some innocent lamb. _Of course she did, she's not living in celibacy, you jerk._ And then my mind wandered to places where it shouldn't wander (like the fact that she knew a lot of …things probably, and the fact that she had to be naked to do them) so I slapped myself inwardly. And just then I saw the way she was looking at me… And it flattered me, for real. And all of that didn't do much help with my morning problem. It made it worse, actually. I groaned inwardly, this was just plain troublesome.

''I understand that you like what you see, but you're staring. You're creepy.'' I just couldn't let my opportunity to taunt her slip away.

On the sound of my voice, damaged by cigarette consuming and still raspy and terribly hoarse with the lack of use, she quickly looked from my naked chest to my face, then to my messy hair, then to my…problem, then again to my chest, and finally back to my face.

''You have tattoos.'' She deadpanned, not even a little disturbed by the fact that I caught her ogling me.

''No shit, Sherlock.'' I murmured, still too sleepy.

She was now staring at the Leo Constellation tattoo below my collarbone, next to that one scar Reg left there when I was running away from home.

''Right. Go get dressed, we're terribly late.'' She snapped herself and tried to sound harsh, but with that blush on her cheeks it just looked…cute. _Oh no. Oh fuck._

She was wearing some big faded ripped jeans, some black sweater, leather jacket and combat boots. Ok, that means it's cold, but not terribly. So I just picked up the same outfit except band shirt instead of a sweater and went to get dressed.

''Oh Black, you're such a copycat.'' She was teasing me when we set off, like the awkward moment didn't happen at all.

* * *

''Thank you, Sirius, for not being like the rest of Blacks. You're such a wonderful boy, for helping us in this crisis. And I have my full trust in you, Vivian, you look like a very nice girl. I know my little Nymphadora will be in good hands'' Andromeda was thanking us while hugging her daughter for the last time before our departure and wiping her eyes. Nymphadora was holding hands with both of us so we apparated with her, firstly to the Ministry to notify Moody that everything's fine. The relieving circumstance was that this little kid could change her looks all the time, so as long we kept her on different places, she would be safe.

She was terribly clumsy, but merry child. She kept talking to Vivian how she has the most beautiful hair Nymphadora had ever seen, and begged us to call her Dora because she hated her name and daddy called her Dora. Really, sweet child was my cousin.

When we had finished with Moody, little Dora wanted to wander around the Ministry for a while, so we were just being bodyguards/nannies for this mission. And then, on the entrance of the Ministry, we stumbled upon Moony.

''Hey you two, how's the mission going?'' Remus asked with tired smile on his face. He was looking rather pale and weak. Oh well, it was the full moon tonight.

''So far so good, and how are you, Remus?" Vivian smiled pleasantly.

''Oh you know, my head feels like it's going to fall off, like usual.'' He opened his mouth to say something more, but childish chuckle cut him off. He looked down at Dora and smiled.

''What's so funny?'' he crouched before her.

''Your hair is very pretty! What's that on your face?'' Little Dora asked him intrigued.

''Why thank you. This is a scar one bad wolf left on me.'' Remus kept smiling and Dora's eyes widened.

''Did you kill him? Is he a bad wolf?''

''Oh he's a terrible wolf and I kill him every month, but he keeps coming back.'' I started to chuckle at Remus' gentle tone and Dora's awed look.

''You're a very brave wizard! I'm going to cousin Sirius' home, are you coming to tell me a story about that wolf?'' Dora beamed.

"Of course he will come, now let's go get some breakfast and leave Remus and his courageous head so he could go finish his job.'' Vivian smiled and said softly. How could that thing from obnoxious annoying un-elegant girl become all gentle and caring and soft in a few seconds, it was beyond me.

''C'mon Black, let's go to the Muggle London, I know one great little restaurant there. It would be safer certainly.'' Vivian got back her hoarse, sharp voice while talking to me.

''But I don't have any Muggle money with me now!'' I protested.

''Stop being an idiot, I'm a Muggleborn or Mudblood, how you Purebloods like to call me. I always have Muggle money with me.'' She said dismissively.

''I would never… Don't joke with that, that's just stupid of you!'' I was getting annoyed again.

''Relax, Dogboy, I don't really care how you call me, as long as I'm sure I could kick your arse.'' She grinned and then remembered something.

''Wait, you said you don't have Muggle money with you _now_. So, you're like carrying around Muggle money with you most of the time?'' She was plainly confused.

''Yeah, of course. I like to go there from time to time and buy some records, comics, sometimes clothes…You know, the usual stuff.'' I said casually. _What, now I am some weirdo?_

''You are such a Pureblood weirdo, Black.'' She smiled, and it was genuine. I really wasn't used to see that directed to me.

''C'mooon, I'm hungryyy!'' Little Dora whined.

* * *

The meal in the restaurant was, actually, very nice. Dora had a little problem with eating her pizza so Vivian helped her and went to bring some more napkins to wipe all of that ketchup and cheese from Dora's face. Really, she would be a good mother one day. _What the fuck Sirius, stop being mother hippogriff!_

Then we went to the park and bought some ice cream, and just as we stopped by a little fountain so Vivian could help Dora wash her hands and I was waiting, holding what was left of our ice creams, some old lady came.

''Oh you have such a lovely family. So young and already parents, that's right, just beautiful!'' She beamed.

''Oh no, we're not…'' I started to protest, all startled and flushed and Vivian stepped on my foot. _Hard_. And it had hit me why. _Really Sirius, and people consider you smart_. ''…that young. We just look like that.'' I smiled politely, but it was very fake because _ouch, my foot_.

''Well, congratulations, you have a lovely daughter here. Good luck, darlings!'' She smiled sweetly again and walked away.

''You never know who is Death Eater in disguise'' Vivian said it in sing-song voice, I rolled my eyes and took us to the Prongs'.

* * *

While Lily and Vivian were making some dinner with Dora sitting on the counter and giggling when they flicked their wands so dishes were flying around the kitchen, Prongs and I were getting ready for our monthly visit to Moony's.

''We've got some lovely future wives there, don't you think?'' Prongs grinned while taking his coat and watching them.

''Maybe you have, mate, me-never.'' I scoffed, pretending Vivian wasn't looking…nice with apron, laughing while chasing Dora to get some flour on her face. Okay so maybe I wasn't that good with pretending because

''Uh-uh, then stop staring like a proud husband, you little rebellious punk, you'' Prongs chuckled and slapped me on my shoulder. ''C'mon, let's go, Moony needs us.''

* * *

When we got back we were exhausted, dirty with mud and blood, with painful muscles and random cuts. But we got used to it and we certainly had worse nights in our lives. I went to my room and was plainly surprised with the sight. Vivian and Dora, sleeping in my bed, Dora with the hair in the same color as Vivian's, covered with Vivian's jacket. I smiled to myself, found some clean blanket and draped it on them, and then I went to the living room and tried to make myself comfortable on the couch. It wasn't that bad. Even if my left leg hurt like devil himself came to take it away from me, it wasn't that bad at all.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Here's another one, this is the longest one yet :D Here we can see a little bit of Vivian too, woohoo :D aaand I know that that song from the Smiths is from 80s, but I had to put it in here because I always think of Sirius when I listen to it :D

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 7

Vivian's POV (just had to do this, you have to meet her, she's awesome)

I woke up, and didn't quite open my eyes yet, but I was already familiar with the smell. I knew where I was before officially waking up. The pillow smelled on cypress, mint, tobacco and leather. Black's smell. And I don't find it attractive at all. Seriously. Me sniffing on the pillowcase has nothing to do with that. This was just some healthy sexual energy I needed to spend on someone, not on that conceited jerk of course. When I finally found the will to get out of his bed, suppressing all images of me naked waking up here next to him naked, I sneaked out. Dora and Sirius were still sleeping; Dora in Sirius' bed, Sirius uncomfortably sprawled on the couch in the living room, still in last night's clothes and with some cuts and bruises on his hands and face. It's been a long night for Marauders, I guess. I left a note 'Dogboy, if something happens to Dora while I'm gone, I'm gonna kill you and resurrect you so I can kill you again. Gone to check up on my home, be back in a couple of hours. V' I was really just going to shower and change clothes, but I was planning on buying some snacks and candies for Dora on my way back to James'.

I didn't really have anyone to visit. My parents were killed when I was in fifth year. They were staying at Hogsmeade because they came to visit me and see what's Wizarding world like, and Death Eaters attacked the village just an hour before I came to see them. I didn't have any siblings, so after my fifth year I stayed with my grandma, who unfortunately had died two years ago, just when I had finished school. I was furious and confused and angry and so… _alone_. And it terrified me. And I didn't like being terrified. So I bought a flat in Muggle London, just to feel safer, and started my Auror trainings. The only image I had in my mind while applying for Auror job was my parents' empty, dead eyes, and their helplessness against those terrible monsters. And they died just because they were in a wrong place at the wrong time. I fought with deep depression for a year and now I'm trying not to show it. When life fucks you so much, you can either drown yourself in self-pity or keep fighting. Well, I kept fighting. I realized that I really don't have any relations and responsibilities to other people, so I started to hug my freedom and live boldly. Someone would think I am very immature but I don't care. And now, for the first time after very long period, I made some new friends. Of course I'm talking about Lily, James, Remus and Peter, not that git who annoyed me to no end with those creepy stormy grey eyes and that long soft hair and those tattoos and that well-built chest and that bark-like laugh and bark-like voice, and that endless sarcasm. I guess he would become my friend after I get used to his irritating, conceited behavior, but definitely not yet. After all, it's not like we could ever be more than friends, because he _doesn't do that things called relationships and crap._ Why do I sound so bitter about it? I'm not so bitter about it. Not bitter at all. Seriously. Trust me.

* * *

As I planned, couple of hours later I found myself in front of James' flat with bags full of snacks in my arms. Just as I wanted to knock, James opened the door.

''What's up, Viv? I'm going to Lily's. Sirius and little menace are in Sirius' room.'' James grinned and strolled down the hallway hurriedly, before I could properly greet him. Shaking my head I was leaving those bags in the kitchen, when I heard some noise. It was actually singing and playing the guitar and I sneaked, hiding behind the wall to see Sirius singing to Dora. The door was fortunately open and I saw Dora's wide grin and Sirius' concentrated expression, while he touched those strings gently with his long, slender fingers. _He could sing? And play guitar?_ This git was just full of surprises. And it sounded like…velvet. Husky, deep and a little hoarse, but peaceful and soft and I shivered watching and listening to him.

'' _Take me out tonight, because I want to see people and I_

 _Want to see life. Driving in your car,_

 _Oh, please, don't drop me home, because it's not my home,_

 _It's their home and I'm welcome no more''_

He sounded so…true. And sincere. And I remembered all those rumors from school about his twisted family, him being the only one of them sorted into Gryffindor, and finally, him running away from them in his sixth year. And just then, hiding behind the wall and hoping that he won't stop singing, I realized that he was one tortured soul, too. And that he was all jerky and annoying because he didn't know for different. And I realized how much of tortured beauty this boy…no, this young man was. Just look at him, how much he enjoys himself and how much he finds himself in this song.

But then some stupid awful fly had to find its' way around my nose and I was trying with all of my force not to sneeze. But then…

'' _To die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is m-_ What the fuck are you doing? How long were you standing there?'' Black was blushing furiously and glaring at me all embarrassed.

''Enough to hear you poisoning this poor child with those whiny songs.'' I tried to be witty and would probably succeed if I wasn't still standing behind the wall, with only my head popping through the entry of the room. He was frowning and started to pack his guitar in the bag. _Oh, no you don't._

''What are you doing? I didn't tell you it was bad, I told you the song wasn't good enough. Play something else, like…Pink Floyd!''

''What do you think I am, some wandering musician just waiting for your music wishes?'' He was still pretty annoyed. Oh well, so was I.

I came into his bedroom, stood right above him with hands on my hips and with the most scary smirk I could manage said ''Do you want me to snoop around your room while you're not here, find your porn stash and glue it on your walls with that permanent-sticking charm? I know you have one, and you're hiding it here somewhere.'' And I did it, he was literally frightened, with his mouth open forming one little 'o' and eyes widened.

''What's porn stash?'' asked Dora curiously. _Oh fuck._

''C'mon, Sirius, tell her.'' I smiled wickedly.

''Uh…That's…Never you mind that, it's not for kids.'' Sirius now resembled tomato, still glaring at me. I smiled innocently.

''So when I grow up, I will have porn stash?'' Dora continued her unconscious harassment of poor lad. Really, I would feel sorry for him if this wasn't so hilarious.

''Er…No, you probably won't… Uhm.. It's something guys usually have'' I think he couldn't be more uncomfortable. Oh, let's test that.

''What, why are you so sexist? Why can't girls have their porn stash?'' I asked with the same expression and tone like Dora, all childish innocence radiating from me.

''Well… I suppose they can… Oh fuck it, shut up, sit down and stop being such a pest.'' He barked, seemingly trying to fight his flush, and started to play the tune of 'Wish you were here'. _Ha, I won! But Merlin, his music sounds just fine_.

* * *

Back to Sirius' POV (because it's his story and he's a precious snowflake):

She was behaving civilized. She-devil was being civilized, quiet, with eyes closed and content smile on her face, while hugging Dora and listening to _me_. Of course, this was after she harassed me to the utter and lowest line of annoyance. Anyway, right now I was confused. Someone besides Marauders and Lily was seeing one part of me nobody knew about and I didn't feel scared. I know, it's not such a big deal, but still I loved music and when I played I couldn't show anger instead of sadness or rebel instead of loneliness. I was bare and naked emotionally in front of her and just hoped that she didn't understand what's going on with me. And I felt wary and safe in the same time, all of that while she hummed quietly next to me.

That next day was the coziest one since Hogwarts' falls, I guess. The weather was awful, it was raining and it was cold outside and we were all sitting in living room. Prongs and Wormtail were playing Explosive Snaps and Prongs was losing terribly, Moony was reading some Muggle fairy tale to Dora, Lily and Vivian were talking about some new gossip about people from school and I was looking for some good record to put on. After some beautiful, eloquent curses coming from Prongs, some taunting and sniggering from Wormtail, and many 'I love you Remus, I'm gonna marry you when I grow up' from Dora, we heard

''James? Sirius? Are you in there? It's Marlene.'' coming from behind the door.

''Ohhhh Marley! Wait a second, shut up guys, I have to ask her a question to check if she's an impostor!'' Lily ran to the door.

''Ready? Yeah? This is gonna be easy. Who had the honour to be the first and only kiss _ever_ for our famous Sirius Black, when and where?'' _Mother of God, why am I friends with these people?_

''Haha, Lils, we were drunk, it doesn't really count! Okay, it was me, obviously, it was the end of seventh year, we were in common room celebrating because Gryffindor won the cup in quidditch and I don't know what got into me, but he didn't have any objections really.'' Her laugh ringed through the hallway and everybody else joined her.

''Well, it certainly helped that you were the prettiest and most popular girl in school.'' Lily said opening the door, and Marlene came in, in some blue robes with long blonde hair freely falling down her spine. She was beautiful… But I didn't really like her that way. Well not since Hogwarts, anyway. And I don't know why, all the time I just kept glancing at Vivian, waiting for her reaction. _Her reaction on what, exactly_?

And Vivian had a smile plastered on her face, polite but somehow cold. Her eyes had that ability to give the kindest looks I have ever seen (usually to Dora, sometimes to Lily or Remus) and the coldest, sternest ones (to Marlene, now). But Marlene didn't probably catch that, because she kept being cheerful bubbly self.

''Oh hi Vivian, you're here too! Great, I don't have to owl you! I'm in a little bit hurry, so I came just to invite you on my birthday party in Leaky in two days, just a small gathering, thirty persons at least. Hope you can come! Oh, bring the little one too, don't worry about it'' She smiled happily, and when we all agreed to come she went away, in hurry. She was such a nice and clever girl, she really was one of the few I actually enjoyed talking to. We weren't so close, but she was a good acquaintance.

Oh well, looks like Vivian didn't think much so.

* * *

When the day of Marlene's birthday came, I was trying to fix stupid sink in kitchen, Dora was sitting on the counter with legs dangling, singing some children's song and Vivian was talking to the others in living room. Because our kitchen and living room were actually one big room divided with the counter, I was technically in that conversation.

''So Vivian, when will you pass by tonight? I suppose all of us are going together?'' asked Moony pleasantly.

''Actually, I'm coming with someone else, so I'll meet you there.'' She answered casually.

And then one loud crash of the impact of my head hitting fucking sink because I tried to sit up too quick could be heard.

''Ow, motherf-'' I was cursing loudly; I don't know was it from pain or from the fact that _she's coming with someone else._ Don't get me wrong, I don't really care, I'm just shocked that someone would voluntarily go out with her.

''Are you alive down there Black? If Dora is a problem I will take her with me.'' Vivian said with raised brows.

''No, we'll take Dora, everything's fine.'' I tried to smile but winced when I felt my head still throbbing. Prongs looked at me knowingly, but said nothing.

* * *

I was frantically looking for some clean shirt. My favourite one had some pink stain on it, suspiciously looking like Dora's strawberry ice cream.

''What are you doing, running around half naked like some lunatic?'' Prongs was leaning on the doorway, seemingly amused.

''Ouch! Stop sneaking around, you startled me, git!'' And now I hit my head on the shelf while I rummaged through the chaos on the floor.

''Since when do your dog traits betray you? And why are you so flustered? It's just a party.'' Prongs looked mock-confused. Just when I wanted to answer him, he raised his hand.

''Oh, wait, I know, maybe it's because of a certain purple-haired beauty and her mystery date, hm?'' He asked mock-thoughtfully. I rolled my eyes.

''Yeah, sure, like I care.'' I answered lamely.

''Well of course you care when you luuurve her.'' He grinned with that glint in his eyes which always meant 'I'm gonna push you to drown into a load of crap'. _My best friend and brother, ladies and gentlemen._

''Oh sod off and stop imagining things. Come on, let's go.'' I was wearing pretty much my everyday attire, ripped jeans, Led Zeppelin shirt, leather jacket and combat boots. Ha, I'm gonna show them I don't really care! Them, whom? _You're an idiot, Sirius._

* * *

When we arrived into the Leaky, I was searching for her with my eyes. Why? I don't freaking know. I was giving Dora a piggy back ride and was surrounded by Marauders and Lily. Wormtail was saying something to me but I didn't listen to him because I spotted her. She saw us, smiled and started towards us. She was wearing some very tight and short black dress and black heels, with her hair picked up. I gulped.

I didn't hear anything except some soft buzzing and her voice, but my head didn't really made up coherent sentences. She was probably talking to me and I concentrated on her bare neck and collarbone and then her eyes. They were smiling. To me. And they were all glinting and warm. And my stomach was warm.

''You look…'' she stopped talking, her eyes widened and she smiled even wider with the blush starting to rise on her cheeks, waiting for me to finish the first compliment I ever gave her.

But I didn't because I spotted that butthead, her 'date'. It was freaking Amos Diggory, the major jerk of Hufflepuff.

''Hey guys'' he smiled and put a hand around her waist. And I felt something awful burning inside me. It was like my nerves were blindly stretching to the breaking point. Like when Padfoot knew that someone's on his territory and really wanted to bite his head off. It's just that I wanted to break his arm, that one around her waist, bone by bone. It was a terrible feeling, really, pure rage. I probably wouldn't even control myself if I didn't hear childish squeaky voice next to my ear.

''Siriuuuus, put me down nooow.'' I blinked. A couple of times. Then I put down Dora and stared blankly around myself. They were all talking now, except Vivian who was smiling forcefully, like she was uncomfortable, and occasionally glancing in my direction, and Prongs who had his hand on my shoulder. He caught my look of pure hatred to that guy, slipped a little bag of weed inside my hand and said

''Just go outside for a while, ok?''

That birthday was awful and I spent the majority of time outside, smoking and trying to calm down. Then I just gave up, went inside, picked up Dora, apologized to Marlene for not staying longer and went home, alone with my cousin, to play some stupid children games, sing some peaceful songs and entertain her, trying to entertain myself and forget all of that fiasco.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Another long-ish one, this one has a little bit action and some pretty fluffy moments with Viv and Sirius (these moments are my favourite, now) kate3110, we hope for them to stop being so stubborn :D Oh, I had to put Dora in story, I just love her and Remus' relationship! Sorry about reminding you about school, I'm trying not to think about it, either :/

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 8

I didn't really want to do anything next day, but Moody sent Patronus which announced that they made a good hideout for Tonks'. Our first mission was officially over. I owled Vivian to inform her, packed Dora's stuff and apparated us to the Ministry.

Vivian, of course, waited for us there. And my insides flipped weirdly at the sight of her. She was wearing Muggle flannel shirt and black pants which fitted her very nicely. And I had a weird, huge need to touch her, just to feel her skin on my fingers. _Great_ , after that hiding behind bushes, creepy anger attack and now this, I could as well follow her home every day and watch her, peeking from under her window.

She hugged Dora and smiled at me first genuinely and then she quickly turned it into a smirk.

''Where did you disappear last night, Dogboy?'' Why did this simple sentence make my insides do even more stupid things? _Because she noticed you left, even if Diggory was next to her. And you're glad._ Nope, not because of that.

''You missed me, didn't you?'' I gave her one of my smirks.

''Yeah, right, you wish. It was just odd to see that you're not on your girlfriend's birthday party.'' She snarled viciously, her smirk disappearing in glare.

And I stopped smirking. She thought Marlene was my girlfriend? Is she like…jealous? No, probably not that. I mean she would do something which would not consist snogging Diggory or even talking to Diggory for that matter.

''Let me make you happy-she's not my girlfriend. Actually, she has a boyfriend, pretty nice bloke. Now you can stop that jealous thing you do.''

She was smirking again and shaking her head. ''Ah, Black, if your head was any bigger, your neck would snap. Keep dreaming, but not too much, it's not healthy.''

''Ah, White, you should be careful not to cut yourself on that tongue of yours.'' I answered in the same tone. She looked at me earnestly. I thought she would hit me. But then she started to laugh. And watching her like that, while she clutched her stomach and giggled hysterically, I started to laugh too.

''Guuuys, what's so funny?'' Dora was looking at us baffled. But we couldn't answer her even if we wanted-we were laughing too hard and didn't exactly know why.

And then the door of Moody's office flew open and he looked at us like we were mental. Which we probably were.

''What the hell are you two doing here? Get inside for Christ's sake, people are waiting for their child!'' he growled.

* * *

After best wishes, goodbyes and many promises that we would visit Dora, we got out of office, happy that we would have the rest of the day free, even if mission was very easy. And I don't know why, but I didn't find my free day too much interesting if there wasn't a certain someone to piss me off. Really, I was a masochist.

''So, you coming to the Prongsie's? Lily will make something to eat'' I tried to sound casual, like it wasn't big deal. But it was. I wasn't inviting anyone, anywhere, _ever_ _ **.**_

Thank God she wasn't some breathy squeaky girl, so she just grinned easily ''Sure, why not. Just wait for me for a bit, just going to say hi to Amos.''

Just as my anger decided to resurface and I wanted to say something and embarrass myself, I heard the voice which would soon become my _favourite_.

''No need for that, babe, I'm right behind you'' Babe? _Babe_? Vivian flushed and I looked at her with raised brows. She shrugged and went to greet her _babe_. He kissed her and probably would snog her senseless, in the middle of hallway, at fucking 10 o'clock in the morning, if Vivian wasn't so uncomfortable and moved aside. Just when I started hoping that we could go away, that moron decided to address me. If I didn't strangle him with my bare hands there, I will never do it.

''Hey Black, why'd you go away so early last night?'' _Oh you know why and I can see it on your smug, ugly face. Just didn't want to rot in Azkaban for killing the biggest imbecile alive._

''Oh, you know, too many jerks on one place, and I have low tolerance for jerks.'' I smiled mock-politely.

''Of course, famous Sirius Black, hexing people just because you don't like their looks or voice or way of breathing.'' Diggory grinned. _Oh, you just wait, smug jerk._

''Oh that's not true, because if it was I'd be hexing you right now.'' I continued smiling, but I knew my eyes were blizzard-like. And Vivian saw it, too.

''Okay enough bickering. Black, I'll come tonight, I just remembered I promised Amos we'll have lunch today, okay?''

 _Of course it's not okay, do you see who is your boyfriend, you blind, naïve lass?_

''Whatever.'' I scoffed and casually strolled towards the exit of the Ministry.

* * *

I really didn't want to go home yet, so I started wandering. First through Diagon Alley, because I decided to kill time with buying some necessary and unnecessary crap, then to Leaky, then to Muggle London, also to shop a little. After buying some really good records and comics and shrinking them so I could put them in my pocket, I found myself in front of that building with our graffiti on it. Really, for some reason this place is perfect for sitting, smoking and watching sunset. It was very cold but cloudless October day, so I kinda enjoyed it, of course after casting a Heating spell on my clothes. And then I heard that hoarse voice.

''Shouldn't you be behind those bushes, you know, so you could keep a tradition?'' She grinned.

''Har har, hilarious. I thought we made a deal not to mention that?'' I was glad to see her. Why was I glad to see her? We've seen each other this freaking morning.

''Not to mention that in front of other people. But I can screw with you whenever I want.'' Oh you bet you can. _Wait, what_? _She thinks about reminding me of my spying escapade, not literally screwing, don't get your hopes up, you jerk._

''Riiight. What are you doing here anyway?'' Really, why was she always around here somewhere?

''Because I live here, duh! _I_ should ask _you_ that question.'' She seemed amused. Probably because now she also thought I am a psychopath. Well, she's not the only one. I'm sure that I'm a psychopath.

''Nothing much, chilling, smoking, thinking about those records I bought'' I grinned.

''Of course, should I be surprised? You think of those more than of girls or friends or yourself.'' She rolled her eyes, but kept smiling.

 _Not quite sure 'bout that since I met a certain Purple Pest._ ''Why of course, that is love by my definition. Anyway, I'm starving. Wanna go ravish Prongs' kitchen?''

''Of course I do. Hey, why do you have those weird nicknames?'' Vivian looked at me interested.

''It's a secret I'm not telling yet, you curious little child, you.'' I grinned cheekily.

''Yet? So you're gonna tell me someday? Right? Right? Right?"' She kept being annoying all the way to the Diagon Alley.

But then she grew speechless. Her eyes widened in horror and she paled. I looked to see what was happening and I almost passed out. Sparks were flying and people wee screaming and bleeding and dying. And just before Prongs' building, a bunch of Death Eaters were fighting with Aurors. And Prongs' flat was one big ruin. I started to search my surroundings frantically, when I finally saw all of my friends, battling with all of their force. And Vivian joined in the second she realized what was going on. She looked… literally frightening. And powerful, too. With strands falling out of her ponytail and bruised lip, she was yelling hexes and curses, dueling with some Death Eater next to Lily and radiating with courage. And in that moment I felt some curse flying right next to my ear. Crap, I had to help them and defend myself.

''Black, what the fuck- _Protego_ \- is the matter with you? Move your arse and start killing! Didn't think those- _Expelliarmus!_ -rumors about most talented Black were lies!" She was teasing me. We were in mortal danger and she was teasing me. But I knew she was right, but I couldn't fucking find my wand. How can these things happen only to me?

''I lost my fucking wand!'' I shouted, ducking so that nasty curse could miss me.

''Oh my God, are you retarded!? What kind of wizard loses his- _Stupefy_ -wand?!

''Padfoot lost his wand? Merlin, you are the clumsiest git I have ever seen! Hey! Moony! Padfoot lost his wand!'' James was sending curses while talking to me. Talented guy, what to say. I heard Moony's loud laugh behind me.

''Hey! It happens even to the best of us!'' I defended myself, running to Prongs and trying to protect myself in the same time.

''Then why didn't it- _Stupefy_!-ever happen to me!?'' Vivian was shouting and cursing and kicking some Death Eater. _Kicking?_

''Oh shut up! And I thought here you're my friends!'' I grabbed the closest masked git from behind, turned him forcefully around and smacked him so hard with my fist that my knuckles bruised and I heard his nose cracking. ''Ha! I can manage without magic!'' I started to laugh and just as I started to kick some other guy, I heard _''Sectumsempra!''_ somewhere in front of me, and felt huge gash forming on my stomach. Then another one, on my chest. And on my left bicep _. Oh no this is not good._ And then Moody's voice

"Retreat! More of them are coming!'' My vision was already blurred probably because of blood loss and I felt an arm grabbing me and apparating with me.

* * *

I was convinced that I was starting to be sick and would probably puke, but then my surroundings stopped spinning and I found myself on a little balcony with my arm around Vivian's shoulder and her arm attached to my lower back.

''Don't you dare pass out on me now! Do you hear me?'' Her eyes were panicked but voice was stern. I just nodded and smiled weakly. She was such a badass all the time, better than me. When she took protecting wards off, she dragged me inside and put me to sit on a couch.

''You're still conscious? Good, I'm terrible with medical spells but I have some potions, they will help you to at least get rid of dizziness.'' She then brought a couple of vials and I drank them. They had terrible taste, of course, but I recognized one of them; it was to increase the blood supply. And all of them instantly worked. Now I was just feeling a terrible pain coming from my chest, arm and leg.

''Wait, I just remembered something! Summon my wand with yours, it will come around sometime, probably. It's raining, nobody will pay attention.'' I tried to give her puppy eyes and she scoffed.

''Fine, now shut up. _Accio Sirius' wand_! Now, I'm going to clean and bandage your wounds on a muggle way, if that's okay with you? They will probably leave some scars, so I can apparate you to St Mungo's but I'm afraid that you will lose more blood and-'' I raised my healthy hand to stop her rambling. She was now showing her panic and I didn't like it.

''Just bring those bandages, I don't give a fuck about scars. Calm down, you'll do fine.'' I really couldn't look at her all fussed about me.

''R-right. Okay, let's start.'' She summoned muggle first aid kit and ordered me to take off my jacket and shirt. Then she slowly proceeded to clean the cut on my bicep, all careful and gentle while I was wincing. That one cleaning potion was a hell to bear, really.

''Sorry, I didn't-Oops, sorry again'' She was sounding calmer but still a little bit flushed. I tried to give her a reassuring grin but that was bloody painful. And she was so bloody close, I could smell lavender and orchid. Then she started to wrap a bandage around my arm slowly, and when she finished she traced the tattoo on my shoulder with her fingers. She looked mesmerized and curious, now touching the scar next to that little lion tattoo and my muscles involuntarily flexed. I gulped watching her movements and she gave me a half-smile.

''Lion like Gryffindor, huh?'' She asked quietly.

''Of course. The scar next to it is the reward of my parents, when I was sorted into Gryffindor. It was some nasty spell when you feel like you are scourged.'' I said softly. I didn't tell anyone about my rule to do a tattoo right next to a scar. And nobody knew stories about all of them.

Vivian pursed her lips, nodded and started to treat wounds on my chest and stomach. She put gauzes on them, but when finished, didn't move. She was now tracing the tattoo on my collar bone. And I was fighting my urges to gasp or sigh or grab her and kiss her right there, but I didn't move either. I was frozen looking at her while she was sitting so close.

''And this one? This is constellation, right?''

''Yup. Leo constellation, the major star is Regulus. And that scar next to it is my brother's last regard, before I had run away from Blacks in my sixth year. That's my newest tattoo, I made it when my brother had died, a couple of months ago.'' She was now looking depressed, if I didn't know better I'd think she would start crying. So I reached for her hand and guided her towards tattoos and a scar they circled, just below my heart, the biggest one I had. Her hand was soft and warm and those long fingers kept touching my skin and I gritted my teeth, took a breath and kept talking.

''That scar is from Remus, when he transformed in our fifth year. Me, Prongs and Wormy were out there to help him for the first time. Those paw prints are for me, Padfoot. Those deer antlers are for Prongs, that little rat is Wormtail and that moon is Moony. Don't ask me why, just look at them like some sort of code we have. I'll explain to you someday.'' She was now smiling mildly. Good, I took her out of the foul mood. Vivian moved her hand right in the middle of my abdomen, between my ribs and above my navel, waiting for another story.

''Ah, Lily gave me that one when I turned all her robes pink, and with blue letters was written I LOVE JAMES POTTER all over them. Even Madam Pomfrey couldn't help much with the damage she caused. That's why you can see lily flower there. Oh well, it was definitely worth it.'' I grinned and Vivian started to chuckle, and moved her hand to the last scar and tattoo, half invisible because of my pants, right on my hip, so I moved my pants a little so she could see it.

''Ah, that is my favourite one, probably. Canis Major constellation, Big Dog. The major star is Sirius. That one scar is self-inflicted, I burned myself with my wand to resist Imperius curse Mulciber had cast on me. It was in my first battle against Death Eaters, ever.''

''Sirius, I had no idea…'' She was looking at me in awe, but not like those other girls. She was looking at me with newly found respect and apprehension. Not pity, apprehension. And all of my doubts that I maybe shouldn't tell her about all this stuff disappeared, with that look.

''Okay, I have nothing to say and that's seldom seen.'' She was still looking at me and I smiled. And I really really wanted to kiss her. On her lips or nose or cheek or whole body, just wanted to _feel_ her. And that new obsession of mine was stretching through my whole body, and I started leaning in, like just one inch. But then something buzzed and flied through the open window and hit me in the head. _Hard_.

''Motherfu-Hey! My wand is here!'' I really was disappointed for ruined moment, but glad in the same time because what if she didn't want to do that in the first place? Maybe I was just being stupid. Maybe she just saw some huge zit on my face and leaned in to check it out. _Oh no, that's disgusting._ Aaaand now I was frantically touching my face to check.

Vivian was still confused with wand-coming when she glanced at me. Then she blinked a couple of times.

''What are you doing?'' She was looking at me like I had a seizure.

''Do I have something on my face?'' I put my hands down and looked at her carefully.

''Nope, you're fine.'' She was frowning slightly now. ''Although, nothing is necessary when your normally looking face looks so ugly.'' She smirked. And I punched her playfully. And she started to laugh and tickle me and we somehow, couple of minutes later finished lying on our backs on the floor, next to each other. And then I remembered something.

''Is it love? I mean, with Diggory.'' Does she remember? She'll understand if she remembers.

She just smiled, somehow hollowly. ''No. No, it isn't.'' She said quietly.

 _Oh,_ _so she does remember_.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** kate3110, I'm glad you liked it! There will be some more action later, and some more Dora maybe :D Oh there will be some more opportunities for them for sure, if Sirius learns how to use them :D So here we are, chapter 9 :D

 **Disclamer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 9

'If it isn't, why are you with him?'' I was genuinely puzzled. We kept lazing around and trying not to think about whether our friends got themselves out of that shit or not, so we kept talking about everything and nothing.

She was looking at me from the corner of her eyes, mirth glinting and smirk threatening to break on that face.

''Well, a girl has some needs which shall be satisfied, if you know what I mean.'' She winked and started to chuckle at my bewilderment. ''Just kidding, relax. It's stupid but… I have to be with someone at this time of the year. I don't want to…'' She cleared her throat awkwardly, like she was trying to think of a way to express herself. ''It's not that I don't want to, it's that I'm frightened to be… _alone_.'' She was looking at the ceiling and then she glanced to me again, nervous and uneasy, with blush rising on her cheeks, I could even see it in the dark. And then she slowly started to talk about her life, her parents and their last trip to Hogsmeade, and her determination to become helpful and meaningful to this society, rather than just to a couple of people. I wasn't aware how much I actually didn't know about this girl. Vivian was lonely and lost but managed tough demeanor so she could simply survive, just like the rest of us. _Just like me_. I was admiring her courage to say it all out loud. I knew I couldn't do it. I was admiring her determined look while she talked, even if she didn't look at me. I was admiring all the pretty ways shadows and lights from the outside were dancing on her skin and how her violet hair smelled like lavender and orchid and how it was sprawled around her. I was admiring her voice wavering with emotion and her hands fidgeting with her shirt and she was so present, so true and more honest than ever before. And she was more stunning than ever before.

''And besides all, I don't really have other options except Amos, do I?'' She said it in light, playful tone. Is this my chance? _What chance, are you out of your mind?_ Well probably, since I'm talking to myself in my head.

She was now looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something. Right. What do I say, now? _Oh crap_. I just shrugged and grinned easily _. Yup, simple and not something that could embarrass you._ I couldn't understand her expression; she was looking at me somehow glumly, but then quickly recovered and chuckled.

We fell into comfortable silence and after a couple of minutes I heard her breathing steadying. I glanced at her to see she fell asleep. Oh well, this is nice, even if we are still on the floor, with no information about our friends. I was just lying beside her, staring at the ceiling and shuddering with dread and worry, and imagining the worst scenarios for my friends right now. _Stupid, stupid brain._ And then I felt her breathing quickening and when I looked at her, she was already looking at me, with sleepy but gentle eyes. And she knew. How could she always know? She closed her eyes again and sighed tiredly.

''Don't worry; they can take care of themselves. Sleep, rest your head a little'' Vivian all but whispered, smiled with her eyes still shut and moved her hand next to mine. She touched my knuckles with hers firstly, and it felt like electricity and fire and it was simply _intimate_. Then she intertwined our fingers and I didn't want her to pull away, so I squeezed her hand a little. She smiled again and continued her sleep. A couple of minutes later, I fell into some peaceful slumber.

* * *

I was up very early-My slumber couldn't hold me in peace for a long time and cold rays of rising sun were going directly in my eyes. I was aching and my muscles were screaming probably something along 'don't move, you git, when you were that intelligent to think it's a good idea to sleep on the floor'. So I was now pacing through the living room and wincing with every step, while trying to stretch my arms and don't break my sore bones in the same time, ignoring that dull pain coming from my wounds, yawning and occasionally glancing at Vivian who was still asleep.

And then, thank Merlin and his pants, appeared a stag Patronus with Prongs' voice.

''Mate! Lily told me she saw you and Vivian apparating, so we assume that you're at hers. We're all alive, at Moony's, with some cuts and bruises and a couple of broken ankles, but fine! Don't worry about us and please send back some message, those were some bad cuts on your chest!'' They're okay. _All of them_. I grinned and prepared to cast a Patronus.

''See, told you they'll be okay. Although that Patronus scared the shit out of me. Thought that I died, seeing white light and all that crap'' Vivian was standing behind me, mirroring my grin. I sent my dog Patronus to tell them that I'm fine and Vivian went to make some breakfast.

While we were eating, she turned on the radio, catching some muggle music. It was very nice since I listened mostly to that.

And then started some song and was just like two seconds in, when Vivian screamed with excitement. ''Oooh, I love this one'' She turned it up and started jumping and singing along, still sleepy and groggy but cheerful, still in that flannel shirt too big for her, but without her trousers so I had proper look on her long, bare legs. Her hair was messy and flying around her while she was dancing and she didn't have any makeup on. _Beautiful_.

''C'mon, I know you know this one, you have this record, I saw it! Stop being such an old man!'' She yelled pulling me with her, and I was just happy because we're all alive and fine so I started being my annoying, weird self again, playing imaginary guitar and singing along with Vivian and radio.

'' _Oh, my little pretty one, my pretty one_

 _When you're gonna give me some TIME, SHARONA''_ We were literally screaming our lungs out and it was awesome. We were laughing and jumping and really just being idiots for some time. Then the song finished and some commercials started, and that unfortunately broke our fun.

''Well. That was something'' I chuckled. ''I suppose I should go now.'' I started to gather my things.

''No! Wait! Stay!'' She sounded urgently, and then realized it because I was looking at her puzzled, with raised brows. She cleared her throat and said much more casually.

''I mean, why don't you stay a bit, then I'm going to meet with Amos so we can go together?'' Of course she's going to meet with _Amos, the babe_. Ignoring my pang of jealousy and feigning indifference, I shrugged and sat back on the couch. Vivian then asked me to show her all the stuff I bought the day before, so we ended up sprawled in her cozy little living room, reading comics and occasionally bickering. We weren't even aware that the day flew by us. We were having some deep philosophical conversation where I was trying to explain to her that Ramones were the best muggle band _ever,_ and she wouldn't listen to me while claiming that Led Zeppelin was classic and classic is always the best. So we of course started fighting, but then she glanced on a watch.

''Oh crap, look at the time! Gonna be late!'' She quickly ran to her bedroom, leaving the door ajar so I could hear her singing to Whole Lotta Love, awfully loud of course. She couldn't sing for her dear life, but I somehow got used to it and didn't find it irritating. Okay, maybe it was a little annoying.

''Oh my God just stop yelling, someone will think I'm slaughtering you here!'' I started to snicker when I heard some profanities directed to me, but then she emerged out of the bedroom and again that urge to strangle Amos Diggory came back to its father and protector, Sirius. She wore knee-length green dress with pretty revealing part on her cleavage, with her hair down, just washed and dried.

''Sooo, c'mon, be my girl friend. What do you think, is it too inviting?'' Vivian gave me wide grin and wink. I was aware how much of a fish I resembled in that moment, with my eyes wide and mouth opening and closing from time to time. I gulped, cleared my throat and desperately searched for some good words in my mind. But my mind was blank. _Puff, just like that._ And now I felt blush rising on my cheeks. I quickly ducked my head, suddenly very interested in the pattern of the carpet.

''Uhm…Er…It-it depends what are you aiming for.'' I spluttered, feeling like standing in front of McGonagall, waiting for some punishment.

''Hah, you never know what might happen.'' _And_ _here comes my punishment._ She winked again still gazing at me so I figured I should at least try to look at her.

''Well then, it's fine, you look-'' I grimaced trying to smile and gave her half-hearted crooked grin. ''You look just fine.'' Vivian was now looking at me with a little raised brows, but didn't comment on my eloquence. And then, to prolong my misery I blurted out the most stupid thing I could manage to say in my pathetic little life.

''Whyithadn'tbeenme?'' Then I realized what the fuck I was doing so I frowned trying to cover up my fright.

''What...'me'...? Excuse me? Didn't quite catch that.'' Vivian was baffled, probably wondering why she let some awkward git in her flat at all.

''What? Oh no, just saying to myself.'' I smiled and really hoped that I didn't look like some maniac.

''Did you take something while I was out there? You're being weird. It's been a stressful night, not my place to judge'' Great, now she was thinking I'm some junky or stoned jerk.

''Nope, just tired. Let's go.'' I stopped smiling because maybe I _was_ looking like some maniac.

* * *

After some discussions at Moony's is it safe to renovate our apartment or to move out on some other place, when we finally agreed that now everywhere is the same and nobody is safe enough, so we would renovate, I started to be restless. We were chilling like always, lazing around and being useful to the world, but I just couldn't sit on one place for too long. I was nervous and anxious. What if she understood what I meant, what if I fucked up the friendship before it even developed? What if she kept thinking that I'm the same jerk I was/was pretending to be in school? What if I actually accomplish something with her, but fuck it up because I have zero experience with girls and relationships? What if she actually falls in love with that git? _Or what, you pathetic hedgehog, if she realizes how much of a whiny little bitch you are being because of her?_

''Padfoot, what's wrong with you? Did you smoke some shit at Vivian's?'' This was Wormtail. _Why did everybody keep saying that?_

''Yeah, you seem kinda off today. Like a baby cow or something.'' Moony tried to make some good comparison, but _baby cow_? And we call him the normal one.

''Nah guys, he's just in luuurve and probably hurting because his luuurve is on a date with Diggory.'' Prongs snickered, Wormtail gasped in disbelief, Moony's eyes widened and I glared.

''Shut up, you git, it's nothing like that!'' I barked and kicked him in the shin.

''Oh Merlin, so it is true! You're in denial! Look at you going all crazy for little taunting.'' Now Moony started snickering too. And Wormtail joined.

* * *

After I got really bored of their stupid jokes about me going emotional so they could get me back for all the times I toasted them, I transformed into Padfoot. It's so easy when you are Animagi-when shit happens just transform and chase some birds, you'll still have your mind but your emotions will be simple, all black and white, just like your sight. _Perfect_.

I don't know what I was doing wandering around that valley where her flat was, but I could smell her. And I was ecstatic to find out she was alone.

I stalked to the bench she was sitting on and she looked at me in bewilderment. Oh no, maybe she's afraid of dogs. Well, maybe of dogs of the bear-wolf size. But then she smiled mildly and held her hand for me to sniff and lick. Oh, Padfoot was thrilled and happy around her and could show it proudly, unlike Sirius. So he did, he snuggled close to her and let her scratch his back, while waving tail cheerfully.

''You are one very nice dog, you know?'' Vivian cooed. _Vivian cooed_? Wow, never saw that coming.

''Can I tell you a secret? I am a little sad, because I am such an idiot,I push away other people who want just good for me, and even if I know that, I do nothing to improve myself. I see my problem, but just ignore it. That's so stupid, right? But shhh, don't tell one guy called Sirius, he will not let me live it down if he finds out that I think so lowly of myself! He would tease me forever!'' She talked to me and my eyes sparkled and my tail started waggling very fast. I didn't know if this was a result of having some argument with Diggory or something like that, but I knew I was happy because she remembered me even in a little unimportant chat.

''Hah, it's like you understand me. See, I'm having a very good conversation with a dog. Told you I'm an idiot.'' Vivian laughed and I pushed her knee with my nose. We stayed that way very long and I could just imagine how would it be to snuggle up next to her in a human form. Oh well, we'll never know.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** This started as easy one, but turned out veeery angsty. Oh well, I wanted to try something like that too :D

 **Disclaimer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 10

It's been two weeks since that battle with Death Eaters, and our first free weekend so we used it to renovate Prongs' apartment. It shouldn't have been too hard with magic, but still we had a lot of work to do and we really weren't very good with domestic spells… So we improvised. Right now Lily was arguing with James which color to use for walls in living room, Moony was trying to vanish all trails of burning, Wormtail was troubled trying to put floor like it's been before and I was looking at this huge burnt substance, deciding was it counter or part of the kitchen shelves. Let's pretend I wasn't staring blankly for the last 15 minutes. Let's pretend I knew what I was doing when I transfigured burned pile of… I don't even know what that material was, into a new shelf. I was satisfied with my work and walked to the living room (which was painted in peach color, so we can see Lily won this one) all gracious and smug, like I did some great work for starving children or something like that. But of course, since it was something Marauders were doing together, it had to become a disaster. The door slammed open, with pissed off Vivian standing on doorstep and startled me, so my gracious, smug walk of fame finished abruptly when I had tripped onto something soft (that would be Peter lying on the floor and giving up on making it look normal), tried to regain my balance, pulled Moony while he was still vanishing burned shit and he accidentally vanished Lily's shirt. Lily screamed, Moony's eyes widened with shock, Prongs jumped in front of her simultaneously kicking Moony in the shin and yelling I was being clumsy prick. Wormtail was trying to push me off him, Moony was yelping in pain and I was cursing because Wormtail had smacked me on the back.

''Lily, girls' talk, fast! I can't believe what an arse Am-'' Vivian abruptly stopped her ranting when she saw what was going on in front of her.

''Black, why are you always in the middle of something which consists you being an injured idiot and everyone else being victims of your lack of intelligence?'' After that battle and her somehow saving my life, Vivian and I finally became friends…in a way. We were still annoying each other to no end, purposefully, of course, and bickering at the every chance we had.

''Well, maybe if you weren't so civilized and ladylike when you barged in, I wouldn't think that Satan, or even worse my mother came to punish me for my sins.'' I panted, trying to untangle myself from Wormtail.

''Yeah, like I had time for that.'' She dismissed me, trying to act indifferent but failing miserably because I saw her lip twitched upwards.

''Sorry Vivian, let's go outside. What did he do this time?'' Lily cut our little argument off and took Vivian in the hallway. Looks like someone had troubles in paradise. Can't say I was entirely sad about it, although I was still pondering why anyone would want that wanker around.

Well, I soon found out what was going on. Apparently I was being annoying dog pretending to work something around the door _which I really was, by the way, I thought I saw a huge caterpillar,_ so as soon as Lily was back, luckily without Vivian, Prongs and Moony started their interrogation to save what was left of my dignity after Lily had caught me sneaking around eavesdropping.

''It's nothing guys, Amos is being jealous clingy jerk, wanting from her to spend all of her free time with him. He also mentioned Padfoot, something along the 'it looks like he is more of your boyfriend than I am'. Then Vivian raged a little, trying to explain to him that he was talking nonsense so they kinda ended up shouting. But he just came and picked her up so I think they're making up right now…'' I didn't know what I was thinking about this. _Yup, thinking, not feeling_. The major part of my brain was irritated with mere existence of this guy, bat one part was a little _proud_ because he was mad she was spending so much time with me. _But you really just hang out with her like the rest of the guys, so you're an idiot anyway._ Oh screw this, I don't care what happens in someone else's love drama!

* * *

Vivian's POV:

November started off with terrible rains but good news- it was Sirius' birthday the next day, Marauders wanted to throw some big party in the evening and I really needed something like that. So here I was, sitting in my office in the Ministry, pretending I was doing some paperwork but really just thinking of some creative present to find for him. What did he even like, except to fight with me and make some trouble?

''White, wake up, we're going to Gringotts to pick some shit for that old grumpy sod.'' I heard his husky voice and just as I turned around, I saw him casting _Aguamenti_ spell. I quickly shielded myself, already used to his sudden attacks. I had really good reflexes. He thought so too, apparently, because he was giving me that authentic crooked grin of his. I ignored my insides churning and twisting and tried not to look at his handsome face, at least until this stomach thing stops. _Stupid sheep, falling for some hot badass guy like so many of them._

But the problem was, he wasn't just that. He was very clever and witty and knew how to rile me up. He had also that confident but dark look, looking around the Ministry all haughty and bored, like he owned the place. But I enjoyed to watch him the most when he was working hard. He would put that solemn and serious expression on his face, suddenly looking like a real mature grown-up, all trails of mirth and mischief disappearing from his eyes. And that was just when he was looking at documents and maps, consulting Moody and other aurors and making plans. He had that nervous habit to spin his wand or quill or cigarette around his fingers, so even if he was looking mature, the little boy had to show himself somewhere. Right now he was walking before me, unconsciously running his hand through shaggy hair, not wearing ministry robes of course, _because who could order him to wear uniform?_ I was deep in thought looking at his broad back when he suddenly stopped and I nearly knocked into him. I strolled carefully next to him, confused. Sirius took one deep breath, made a little pause like he was trying to calm himself, closed his eyes and cringed, like he was waiting for some smack or shout.

''Viv, babe, whatcha doing?" Amos was standing right in front of me and I didn't even notice he was there. _Merlin, I was in some deep shit._

''Oh…hey, didn't see you there. We're going to Gringotts to pick something up for Moody.'' I smiled hopefully sweetly, and hopefully he would think I blushed because of him, not because I was having fantasies far away from his liking. He came and pulled me into a big kiss, which I really didn't like because I was so opposed of PDAs. I finished it quickly, now blushing with awkwardness at Sirius' scowl and Amos' smirk.

''We kinda hurry, you know what Moody is li-'' and he kissed me again and I had terrible urge to smack him. What's wrong with me? He's my boyfriend! But then I heard annoyed exhale behind me.

''Diggory. We're in a hurry. Does she have to draw it to you?'' It was dangerously low and threatening. Sirius had a terrible sneer on his face and for a moment I understood why everyone was feeling like the lower class next to Black aristocracy.

Amos pulled away from me and I can bet I saw something like a tinge of fear in his eyes. But then he just scoffed and told me he would see me today. _Great. Can't wait._ Shut up, don't think like that!

Sirius then crossed the whole atrium in literally 5 steps, waiting for me on entrance. His mood quickly changed once we were outside, he wasn't looking so intimidating anymore. He was oddly cheerful, making a small talk with me.

* * *

''…Oh no, I had worse ones. Once I've got into detention for telling Flitwick he wasn't a half man I was because he yelled at me for forgetting my homework again. But he wasn't angry for too long, I _am_ exceptionally good at charms and honestly, he is aware of his height…'' I literally couldn't walk of laughing. This guy was mad. He was trying to remember all of his worst detentions, and causes for them were just hilarious. We were leaving Gringotts with our job finished and just as I wanted to say how much of a git he is, he stopped abruptly again. But now fear and rage and fright washed over his face and he clenched his fists, knuckles turning white. His eyes were first wide, but then he narrowed them and took the similar sneer from before, but now it was terrifying. I was perplexed and a little bit afraid, I have to admit. But then I saw a woman, tall and with proud sneer approaching us, all in black satin robes. The sneer exactly the same as his own, with grey eyes, much colder and more hateful.

''Blood traitor! Useless scum of the Earth!'' She growled.

''Why hello to you too, mum.'' Sirius smiled mock-sweetly, but his eyes resembled blizzard. If looks could kill, this woman (his mum?) would be frozen to death right now.

''Don't you ever call me that! I had one son and he is gone because of you! And now your father! You didn't even know that, did you? A man who tried to make you a proud pureblood wizard, a Black heir! Your foolishness and stupidity killed your brother and father!''

Sirius' face softened for a moment, shock washing over him, but he quickly recovered.

''So I was doing a good job, if I'm lucky you're next.'' He said calmly and that scared me the most. He wasn't the one to talk calmly when annoyed.

''Filth! You think I didn't hear about you, drinking every night, getting in fights and trying to get yourself killed! You couldn't even make that a success? You're no good alive! Nobody will ever need you or love you! Why didn't I strangle you in your cradle? Oh poor Regulus, even God loves him more than you so he took him instead!''

She then stomped away, to Gringotts, while Sirius was standing frozen. Oh my God, it was so much worse than I thought. This woman was a monster! And clearly he didn't know about his father's death. And the he started to run. Like, really fast, pushing through the crowd. Oh no, is he going to do something stupid? I bolted after him, trying to keep him on my eye which wasn't easy. Why is he leaving Diagon Alley? Where is he going? What? Why are we in Muggle London? The scenery stayed familiar to me, since he was sitting on that bench we were talking a couple of times before, in front of my flat. I panted and tried not to choke because of my lack of shape when I caught a look of him. Sirius was struggling to light up a cigarette because his hands were shaking so much. He was trying for a couple of seconds, then he threw a lighter with one 'Fuck!' and put shaking hands on his face, with cigarette still loosely hanging from his mouth. I've never seen him so weak before. And something hurt me to watch him like that. I could feel actual physical pain right now, because of one person. And all of my careful, years of building apathy fell crumpling down when he looked directly at me, with hollow, dead and haunted eyes. How many traumas did he keep just for himself? I sat next to him and lit his cigarette.

''Did you know-?'' I tried weakly, but he cut me off with his bark.

''No! How could I fucking know? I don't even care if he died, the world is better without him!'' I knew he wanted to reassure himself more than he wanted to reassure me.

''But still, he _was_ your father. I know you aren't that emotionless, I mean-'' he cut me off again, raising his voice with every sentence. But I wasn't afraid anymore. He was broken now, and truth to be told, he was managing through it very bravely.

''Yes, my father who locked me in a basement and got me to know what it feels like to be under a _Cruciatus_ curse when I was eleven! My father who was so obsessed with pureblood crap that he sent his own son into death! You know nothing, Vivian, and don't you dare to ever try to lecture me about family things!'' He was yelling now. And pissing me off a little, but not enough to leave him there. So I sat there looking him directly in eyes, not with pity, just with sternness. He had to get it out, he didn't need my sympathy.

''YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!'' he finished and then shut up, still looking in my eyes, now with pained expression, looking like he was dizzy or sick of so much anger. His eyes changed from emotionless to the hurricane of feels, he bit his mouth hard and cringed, like he was feeling physical pain. And then he literally collapsed on me. I was afraid he passed out but then he…hugged me. He squeezed me, holding onto me like for dear life and his head was directly on my chest. Really, now this was inappropriate. I wanted to push him off but then I felt something wet on my shirt. And he was shaking. Merlin, he was crying. This was probably one of the rarest moments in his life, when he actually showed this much weakness.

''You don't know how it is when you're fucking fifteen years old and afraid that maybe this time _Cruciatus_ curse will kill you, or that you'll stay so dead inside that you can't recover.'' He choked out quietly and I shuddered. I felt something warm in my eyes and my throat was tingling. Then he pressed his ear next to my heart.

''You're so much…alive. And real with real emotions and real laughter, totally different from them and I can pretend that I forgot about…'' He whispered, and now I was openly crying too. And hugging him. Really, if this wasn't happening to me I would think it's pathetic. But this way I was afraid to let him go, because what if he keeps breaking? I can't let him break anymore. _Never._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** kate3110, you, my friend, have a very, very good taste in music. Like seriously, I'm glad someone appreciates my music references! Oh I agree with you, Sirius and Vivian are so similar and so confused, wouldn't it be nice if they ended up together? :D

 **Disclaimer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 11

Mother of God, what was I doing? Was I really crying on Vivian's shoulder? I didn't cry like for ten years! I just didn't like showing emotions and bothering others by wallowing in self-pity. Okay, that and I was really having the worst enemies, my own family, so I wasn't the one to show I was scared of them or that they had affected me in any way. That said, I was hoping again against all odds for Earth to swallow me. I just had a massive nervous breakdown in front of (or literally on) a girl who kinda was the only female that sparked my attention. But why was she crying? Oh Merlin, she's feeling sorry for me. I'm just pathetic. I really didn't want to face her right now. And I had just realized that my head was on her chest. Okay, better face her and humiliate yourself then stay enjoying company of her boobs. Better for her, not for me. I took a deep breath, calming myself, counting to ten and hoping I wasn't looking like teenage girl who just broke up with boyfriend. Who am I kidding, I'm already left with zero dignity before Vivian.

''I'm just gonna... er... Gonna go now.'' And now I was humiliated mumbling idiot. She was looking at me all red eyes-blotchy cheeks-pouting lips, but didn't say anything. So I turned around and apparated myself to Diagon Alley, leaving her there crushed and worried because of my shit. What kind of person I'm becoming? _Crap._

I apparated back to her place, hoping that she's still out there. It was really just a couple of seconds, maybe she became some slow walker in the meantime. Aaand there she is, still sitting looking like I was feeling-crappy, to say at least. And I had apparated right in front of her and startled her. I was really good at scaring her off, wasn't I?

''Uhm... I'm sorry for ruining your shirt, I'll try to clean it or buy you a new one or something like that.'' She was still recovering from my sudden comeback, so she was getting more and more confused with my rambling. She squinted at me, as if checking if I was on some drugs or just being retarded.

''I'm going now.'' I decided not to apparate again, just in case I decide to come back again. Vivian was gaping and I could feel her look on my retreating back. Screw it, I really couldn't leave her there with my deep and cryptic speeches about her stained shirt. So I came back again.

''Look, White, I'm..'' What to say, _what to say_? Aaand I'm hyperventilating now. One second passed. Two. Three. Vivian sighed and she didn't even cut me off when she spoke up.

''Stop being weird, Black.'' She sighed again and then made mock-content expression and her eyes lit up. ''Hey, what are you doing here? Didn't see you all day. Sit, let's chat. What were you up to today?'' She grinned for real and winked. Oh, she saw how miserable I am and wanted to pretend that today never happened. _Merlin, I love h-hhhhippogriffs?_

''Oh didn't see you at work today, so I just came by to check did some Voldy's pals come to visit you or something.'' I grinned too, and sat down on the same spot where I was sobbing earlier today.

''Hah, you and I both know I would kick their arses, probably yours too if you keep being annoying.'' And our conversation had run smoothly after that.

We didn't even realize how much time passed when I looked at my watch and saw it was nearly midnight.

''Uh...White? We kinda spent here all afternoon and evening. It's midnight already.'' I said casually when she jumped with her eyes wide, like something burned her.

"Midnight?! Oh Merlin, no no no it wasn't supposed to be like this!" She was now frantically pacing and smacking herself on forehead. _What the hell is she talking about?_

"What the hell are you talking about?" I was baffled for real.

"Oh never you mind that, just sit here and wait for me, I'm going to my apartment for a moment." She snapped and apparated. What in the world crawled up her arse?

* * *

Vivian's POV:

How stupid could I get on a scale from one to usual Vivian? I've totally forgot about his birthday! I didn't even have the time to buy him a present because of the eventful day! What to do now? I was running around my flat, looking for something to give to him. Maybe I should make something, like express my creativity? _Hah yeah right, that would be nice...If you were in kindergarten_. Maybe I could bake him some cake? _Hah yeah right, that would be nice... If you knew how to not burn down the house using the oven_. Oh, this is a disaster and I really wanted to do this right for him. Because he is a good comrade. That's all. Really.

Okay, what does he like, really now? Comics...But he has a big collection, and I have just a couple of them accidentally lying here and there. Cigarettes... Nope, that would be plain stupid. Alcohol? That would make him happy but it didn't really say 'you are a very special person'. To all of us. Not just to me. Even if he is annoying me to no end, he is a cool guy. What do I have which can give cool impression? Ah, of course! I'm so stupid! He was pining over my Led Zeppelin IV special edition record for the longest, just because he didn't have it, and he had tried to cover it up because that was my favorite album and he just had to contradict me. But Remus told me that Sirius had pulling him through all of the record stores in London to find it. And I heard him singing When The Levee Breaks in the shower. Oh this is great! I found it and ran to the door but then I remembered I should at least wrap it. Oh crap. Maybe put some card in it? Yeah, that's fine. Even if I knew he would realize I forgot all about it and that this all was improvisation, it still could look like a well-thought present.

After I had showed my creativity and artistic tastes with the old newspaper I wrapped record in, and put piece of parchment in my terrible handwriting in it, I remembered something else. There was a bakery behind my building and they were still open.

I ran to the bakery, then back to Sirius realizing that I had dwelled longer than just a moment. Oh well, he would forgive me. He was looking at me suspiciously while I was carrying his present like a tray and one single muffin with a little candle on top of it. When he saw what's going on he gave me bewildered look, almost like horrified. Oh no, did I do something wrong?

''I'm so sorry I forgot and I had to improvise a little and here I am it isn't big and it should be better but I'm born procrastinator and I remembered it this morning but then all of that crap happened an-'' I was in my full panic-trying-to-fix-my-shit mode when he tried to cut me off.

''White I'm...''

''and it just went in the back of my mind-''

''White just-''

''And I really don't know what do you really like and I wanted to give you something-''

''Vivian! Shut up!'' He barked. Wait, did Sirius just call me by my first name? I was so stunned I had really shut up.

''I'm just surprised. I mean this is so nice, you're the only one besides those three to know it's my birthday without someone to remind you.'' He was fidgeting with his shirt while speaking with hoarse and raspy voice. _Oh_.

''Oh. Well then. Happy birthday, make a wiiish!'' I sing-songed and he smiled sincerely, with his eyes glinting and my stomach churning, and blew a candle. I gave him his present and he squinted at it.

''Ah, newspaper. So creative. Couldn't find that sparkly paper people use for presents?'' He gave me crooked grin.

''Oh shut up and just open it!'' And he did, he tore the newspaper when his eyes widened and his mouth formed an 'o'.

''Is this your... Are you sure you want...'' He was getting emotional. Over one record. Really, now. His hands were shaking and he had the most loving look in his eyes. Almost lust-like. Directed to...a record. And I was almost getting jealous.

''Wow, your look is priceless. It's like you fell in love. Most girls would kill for that one from you, haha.'' _Like me._

He didn't answer me and then he pulled the record out of it's cover, when a little parchment flew out. And it said 'Unique record for unique Black star. Happy 19th, Dogboy.' I wrote it as a joke. Really, I did. But then he smiled again and looked at me like he had been looking in that record. Nope, probably imagining it. He made a movement like he wanted to hug me, and I tensed and my heart started racing and I really wanted him to hug me again and to feel his arms around me. But he didn't, he just kept smiling. And I just grinned and winked.

* * *

Sirius' POV:

My birthday was, all in all, the best day in the last three years or something. I was pretending I didn't know they were throwing a party for me and when it finally started it was very good, like the all parties they made for the people I know were around me, dancing and drinking a lot. They were all around me and over me, laughing, screaming, falling down and something like that. Prongs and Lily were snogging in some corner, Remus was yelling something to me, a little bit tipsy, Wormtail was trying to flirt under too much of alcohol and tiny bit of weed. And I was, yet again, searching for that one face in a crowd. Why did I keep doing that? And I assumed she would take her _babe_ with her. So I was a little too much cheerful when I saw her coming alone, with purple hair down, The Doors T-shirt, ripped shorts and those fishnet tights which will be the death of me, really. Suppressing all unwanted and inappropriate thoughts from my mind, I strolled directly to her, ignoring now sloshed Moony calling me and some Marlene's friend trying to get my attention.

''Late just to play it cool, I guess?'' I smirked.

''Shhh, keep it down until I find some good excuse... Hm, got it! Sorry I'm late, I was busy being a muse for a guitarist of Weird Sisters.'' She winked and smiled mischievously. God, I like that smile. It does weird things to me. Why do I allow that?

''So, what are you waiting for, take me where some booze is!'' She shouted and I pulled her to the counter. I found two glasses and a bottle of Ogden's Finest Firewhiskey.

''Okay, let's do it then.'' I was already tipsy when she came, but that didn't prevent me to keep going. One shot. Two shots. Three shots. Four shots. We were sloshed within next twenty minutes. I heard just some soft buzzing, my mind was blurry and I felt really peaceful. Familiar feeling of firewhiskey hitting. The only thing I was seeing clearly was that girly being, all purple and blue and pretty. I really wanted to touch her. And she seemed to read my mind.

''Black! Dance, let's dance! Haha!'' She was laughing really hard, pulling me to the middle of the room. And we started to dance, without any sense of rhythm and people around us. I was tripping on her feet, she was falling onto me and we looked probably just plainly stupid. Then, when I felt I might be sick, I slowed down a little, properly (as properly as I could in that state) looking at her face. Her eyes were covered with some black makeup stuff and they really looked bright. And then I saw those freckles.

''You have those freckles, I like them they're nice'' I ducked my head to mumble in her ear and heard her chuckling. And she raised her head to meet my eyes and we were suddenly really close. There were mere inches between us. And I wanted them to disappear. And she somehow knew that too, so she pulled herself even closer and put her hands on my lower back, and all I felt was her body pressing against mine. My head was spinning terribly and my heart wasn't really okay and I looked at her lips and they looked _so kissable_ and I bent down and counted her freckles and she started to close her eyes and I realized how much I wanted to see her like this since I first met her... Did I mention how much my head was spinning? I thought I might be a little bit sick... A lot actually. _Crap_.

''Excuse me, have to go to throw up a little.'' I untangled myself from her quickly and ran down to the bathroom, not seeing her hurt and humiliated gaze following me.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** kate3110, I don't mind you praising my little story, believe me ^_^ Oh, in this one some confusion is put in, just to build some more tension between those two. But they'll use their chance, trust me :D It's the longest update, sorry about waiting (stupid school and final year and university preparations)

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 12

I was feeling like an awful, terrible, plain piece of shit. My head was throbbing and I felt cold floor of bathroom under my cheek. Is it morning already? Oh crap. The inside of my mouth still tasted like vomit and I struggled to move just an inch of my body, or at least open my eyes. I heard some muffled noises outside and really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. And then, just when I finally encouraged myself to move my arse or at least face off the bathroom tiles, one flashback came. Then another. And another one. I could hear Vivian's drunken giggle and count all of her freckles again. And then I remembered my glorious journey to the bathroom right before our little intimate moment should happen, so I sighed with relief. Nothing happened. I didn't ruin anything, I didn't show my hidden...attraction to that girly thing and I could always make an excuse I was just drunk. And just then, one huge wave of fright struck me. _I wanted something to happen. I wanted to kiss her, to feel her body with my hands and honestly, on the end of the night, to shag her._ And that, by definition normal need for every guy, scared me the most. I am not the normal guy. I am the rebel in the middle of the war and I mustn't develop bonds with girls, specifically not with this one. Why did I allow this thoughts to even cross my mind? I am an idiot and nothing will ever happen nor she wants it to happen nor I want it to happen. Okay? Okay.

When I finally got up, with muscles sore, migraine in slight increase and every noise to noisy, I showered quickly and got out in the living room. My friends were all sitting with their faces like someone had died. Oh well, typical hangover. Only Lily was normal, bright and cheerful self, doing final touches of cleaning up. _Well, Lily, fuck you for being all clever and responsible grown-up_. When I sat down, Wormtail groaned instead of greeting, Prongs blinked twice in my direction and Moony just ignored me. We would probably stay that way the whole day, depressed, sick and quiet, lying on the couch (Wormtail), sprawled on the chair with eyes closed like sunbathing (Prongs), curled on an ottoman with head on his knees (Moony), or sitting on the floor frowning (me), if Lily didn't emerge from kitchen to tell us to get our arses to eat some breakfast.

"Merlin, Lily, keep it down!" Moony growled with hoarse voice and terrible scowl.

"Keep it down? _Keep it down?_ It's not my fault you're being hungover pricks, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, REMUS?" She yelled the last part and smirked at our cringing faces.

"Now, I'm going to Vivian's, she looked a little annoyed last night when she left." Lily strolled casually through apartment, kicking me in the stomach while going.

"Motherfu- Hey, what was that about?" I was yelping and being genuinely confused. Really, my mind was slow enough without some alcohol consuming.

"Oh, you are such an ignorant prat!" She scoffed and apparated.

"What crawled up her arse this morning?" I asked perplexed, others just shrugged indifferently. Oh well, nothing important probably.

* * *

I was, like always, late for work. And Moody wasn't happy about that. Even Vivian gave me a look like I was some dirt on her Converse All Stars. And I was familiar with that look, I just wasn't so used to it. She stopped giving me those after us becoming sort of friends. Okay, what's with people today? Aaand now I realized Moody was talking about our new mission. Oh crap, if I keep ignoring him and Dumbledore I am really going to end up dead in some cottage, probably because I accidentally agreed to be some lure.

"...You have to develop a really good plan for action. If Death Eaters get a hang on these dragon eggs, we'll be damned and you two will hope for death, if they discover you. I will give you the map of their movings and you have to attack when you see it is possible enough. Constant vigilance!'' And then he kicked me with his wooden leg, I startled, stopped in mid-yawning and choked. Vivian smirked evilly and I groaned. _Troublesome day, troublesome girl._

When we started towards our offices which were now one across the other so we could work more efficiently as a team, I had to jog a little to keep up with Vivian. What's wrong with her? Maybe she's PMSing.

''Hold on, woman, I'm having a seizure here'' I was panting and choking on my saliva. Seriously, she's going to be my death, even if I die running after her around hallways like some abandoned puppy.

''What, Black? You do your job, I'll do mine, we'll meet again when we finish it. Okay?'' She was glaring. And her voice was ice-cold. Like I offended her grandma.

''...Or we could go to eat something and then pretend we're doing our assignments while pranking Wormtail and that girl he's trying to woo?'' I grinned, hopefully with charm. I knew girls loved that so I stopped doing it. But this case called for different measures.

''Going with Amos.'' She dismissed me with bored expression. And I was getting annoyed with her and her childish behaviour and her saying her boyfriend's name. Why did she have to even mention him?

And then, just like someone fucking called him, Diggory appeared before us. Vivian hadn't even spared me a glance when she literally jumped on him. He wasn't even surprised, so he started to snog her senseless. And I was standing there watching them, wishing I had some stick like Moody's wooden leg and kick this wanker in his lower parts, so he could never reproduce. He was now kissing her neck. And I was praying to Merlin and his forces to give me patience and will not to hex him into oblivion. She was giggling. _Fucking giggling._ And after one glance at me, she gave him the most loving look I have ever seen on her face. I couldn't stand it anymore so I just strolled past them, with famous Black sneer on my face, like I really didn't care. And then, when I got into my office and kicked my desk with so much force it broke, I realized _I did _ care. I actually cared so much for that girl, that I let her hurt me. And the worst part was, she was hurting me probably unintentionally, because she didn't see me in any other way than a friend.

* * *

I was furious even when I got home. Okay, I was hurt and pathetic loser, but I covered it up with anger, like always. It's just that Marauders and Lily knew me too well, so just when I stepped into a flat, they started their interrogation. And I was so embarrassed to tell them what crawled up my arse, but they were very, _very_ persistent.

''C'mon Pads, spit it out. You can't really hide anything from us and you know it.'' Prongs was eyeing me worried.

I sighed, defeated. ''Okay, fine. But don't laugh or I will become Padfoot, bite you and give you some awful infection.'' When they all agreed not to laugh, I opened my mind several times to try to say it outloud.

''...I don't... I don't know what's with White.'' I started to rant about today and her terrible behaviour, when Lily cut me off.

''Sirius, do you even remember last night?'' She asked me incredulously. I looked at her with scrunched eyebrows and squint.

''Well, I remember a party, and then White came and we drank and danced a little and after that I was sick and I woke up in the bathroom. Why, did something happen?'' I was seriously worried now. I remember our little moment when I almost kissed her, but I didn't. Right? _Right_? Oh my God, I really scared her off.

''Do you remember your little almost kissing moment?'' Oh my God that was it. I wanted to kill myself. I just groaned, nodded and put my head in my hands.

''I scared her, didn't I? But I was so drunk, I didn't know what I was doing!'' My voice was muffled with my palms and I was so embarrassed I couldn't look at my friends.

And then Lily started to chuckle. She's the mental one, really. ''No, you ignorant prat, you offended her! She told me you literally looked sick when she tried to kiss you and you had run off, with the line 'going to throw up a little'. She thinks you are disgusted with her!'' And then I looked at them with my eyes wide and mind literally blank.

''Padfoot, you should really just go and live like a dog forever. Hahaha, you are literally the most tactless idiot I have ever seen!'' Prongs was snickering now. And the other two gits, too. But I didn't see them. I was looking at that one spot on the wall when I killed a huge spider and accidentally plastered his corpse there. She thought _I_ was sick of _her_? But why didn't she just break up with Diggory and told me she fancied me? Of course. She didn't fancy me. One drunken night would be probably enough for her, so she didn't want to ruin her relationship. And I hurt her pride when I pushed her off, nothing else. Jealousy, rage, fury, hurt and all kinds of emotions I never felt before mixed inside of me. I was literally shaking and all the other saw my terrible state, so they backed off.

''Excuse me. Going to White's, I have some unfinished business there.'' I said it so quietly I was surprised they even heard me. Oh White, now we'll have some really honest little chat.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** kate3110, I was literally thinking the same, when I had read all of this. I tried to describe their inner war, forgetting about the real one :D ah well, I'm planning some big things in next few chapters. Oh, they are on the verge of killing each other, really :D Now one little warning, this chapter has some (khm) explicit content... Well it had to happen sometime, right?

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 13

I apparated directly in front of Vivian's building and took a couple of breaths to calm myself down a little. Oh, screw it, she will feel my rage radiating anyhow. When I climbed up stupid stairs cursing myself for my stress-induced lack of shape, I knocked harshly. With a fist. Like some maniac. And I didn't care.

''Who is it?'' I heard her hoarse voice and some excitement, adrenalin, fury and discomfort shot through my body, all in the same time.

''Just open the door, White.'' I barked. I heard her muttering some spells and the door unlocked. I literally barged in, with scowl and fire spitting from my eyes. Vivian firstly looked genuinely confused, but she quickly recovered and gave me a glare of her own, trying to act cold but her blue eyes were burning, too. _Oh with that look you're just asking for it, acting like a little war hero who became victim of evil Black._

''What do you want, Black? I have people to see.'' She said venomously.

''Oh, you mean people to _do_? Excuse me for interrupting your screwing routine with your dear _babe,_ I just thought, you know, just a silly idea of mine, that you could actually spare me a couple of seconds.'' I was speaking with terrible sneer on my face, like I spoke to my 'family'.

''Well, excuse me for being normal 20 year old and having a relationship, what a dirty whore I am! We can't be all brooding rebels trying to make difference to the world doing absolutely nothing!'' Her voice was slowly rising, simultaneously with angry flush on her cheeks.

''Well, excuse me for being 'broody rebel', because every fucking girl I ever spoke to turned to be a fucking bitch! Recognizing yourself there somewhere? Good! You should!'' My voice became growl. Terrible look crossed her face, something akin hurt. And why was I feeling bad? No. I wasn't. Not going there again.

''Why the fuck do you act like a hurt little snowflake?! It is _me_ who is offended! _I_ tried to kiss _you_ , you moved away! And to think I can understand you! You are a major fuck up, Black!'' She was shouting and I don't know why, I took a step towards her, blinded with rage. Like literally, colors started to fade around me.

''I'm not a fuck up! Stop pretending you are the victim! I am the one feeling stupid here! You have a boyfriend, what do you fucking want from me? Want me to shag you because your _babe_ isn't capable of doing it right?!'' I started to yell too. So the yelling match began officially. I was never pissed at anyone this much until now..

''And you think you aren't jealous? Just listen to you, you're being ridiculous!'' Now she took a step towards me and we were foot apart. She kept her head high, glaring directly in my eyes.

''I'm not fucking jealous, you're just stupid! Don't you see how much of a jerk that guy is?'' Now we really just went far off the topic, but I really didn't care. I could literally hear my blood flowing through my veins, to my brain.

She took another step towards me and now several inches were separating us. And when she started to talk, her voice was dangerously low, still battling my glare with hers. I was fighting my urge to slap her or scream at her.

''Stop acting like a 6 year old. Suck it up, be a man for once in your life instead a brat and fucking tell me. Tell me one good reason, just one, and I will go right now and break up with Amos. _I dare you_.''

That was it. Rush of adrenalin shot through me, my senses completely abandoned me, everything was fading except her, right before me, being ridiculously angry and _daring me_. I heard my own heart but my ears were buzzing, I heard her labored breathing, I saw her glare mixing up with surprise when I literally crashed my lips with hers. It wasn't soft and loveable like I imagined first kiss with someone you like would be. It was lip biting and teeth crushing and tongues fighting for dominance. It was hatred, annoyance, pure rage and fiery passion. It was her hands yanking my hair and my hands traveling her body, squeezing and holding and leaving red marks. And I didn't care I wasn't experienced one. And I didn't care how forceful was it. It wasn't lovers' kiss, for sure. But it drove me crazy. I pulled myself away as forcefully as I started it, panting to bring oxygen back to my brain. But my hands didn't leave her body. And my glare didn't leave her glare. And then I looked at her red and swollen lips and already bruising neck and felt all of blood bolting from my brain straight to my crotch. With the last conscious part of my mind I realized how hard was to restrain myself from her now. And I realized how _hard I was._ So I attacked her lips again and she literally jumped on me with her legs hugging my behind. Now I was feeling her body against mine and I had barely enough mind to barge into her bedroom with her holding onto me, trip a few times, smack against some lamp, hear her hoarse chuckle and finally, kick the door closed behind us.

* * *

Vivian's POV:

I haven't seen him this feral, this predatory and this animal-like ever until now. He was looking at me with those stormy grey eyes, now almost black with lust, like some wolf looked at its prey. Only I wasn't his prey. I was far from it. Prey would surrender if caught. When we finally made it to my bed, he tossed me on it and started to kiss and bite my neck. It was Oh. So. Good. But I wanted more. I needed more from him and his scent and his hands and his other parts (khm) so badly it hurt. So I quickly switched our positions, straddled him and took off my shirt. Then I motioned to him to take off his clothes and he did it. After that, it was all about my hands tracing his scars and tattoos and lean back, scratching him in the process, kissing it better and listening to his moans. But Sirius wouldn't be the wild, furious and fiery self if he didn't fight for dominance. He was on top again and it was my turn to moan and sigh. It was like his hands were doing the sweet and dirty talking and his lips did stroking. I was fighting with all of my forces not to beg him to take me right at that moment, because I couldn't wait anymore. So instead I pushed my hips against his and caught his eyes. He gulped and I saw something like fear glinting in his eyes and then I remembered this was his first time, so he was probably panicking a little. But he was obviously so eager to do it. So I kissed on his collar bone, right next to Leo constellation tattoo, looked at him again and nodded to him. I was okay, he was okay and he couldn't fuck it up in any way. I pushed my hips against his again and heard one soft moan, then one husky ''Wait, what are you doing?''. I groaned. _Not the time for stroking your ego, Sirius, I wish to stroke something else._

''Not doing _you_ , obviously. And why is that?'' I asked him and he chuckled.

''Okay, just checking are you sure.'' And we carried on like nothing interrupted. And when I finally felt bliss of him being inside of me, I realized-there is no man in the world who could this much irritate me, this good fight with me and this brilliant fuck me.

* * *

Back to Sirius' POV:

I woke up with a feeling of some peaceful, heavy daze. I felt some musky smell around this room. Wait, this isn't my room. And this creature in my arms smells like orchid and lavender. Then flashes of our terrible fight came back, then the part of the night where we were… Expressing our annoyance in pretty interesting ways. As the details started to come back to me my arousal started to build up again. _No, bad Sirius! Bad other Sirius!_ And except for feeling physically naked, I felt terrible emotional nakedness. The biggest one around any other human being. Watching her chest rising and falling with every steady breath, I started to panic. I couldn't do this. I couldn't fall for her. She had just plain opposite of every one of mine opinions. She was loud and annoying and incapable of hiding her emotions no matter how much she tried. But she was one beautiful soul, one beautiful loyal friend I managed to fuck and ruin just in one night. This was just huge mistake and I felt so ashamed. If I stay, I'll have to deal with consequences of our stupidity. She probably didn't even like it, but was too good of a friend to say so. Great, I would face another humiliation. And we will fight and I will lose her for real. But if I leave, I'll offend her again. And potentially lose her for real. And just when I decided to be a biggest coward and run away, she woke up. She caught me just in my boxers, looking for my jeans which had got lost somewhere in action. When she saw panicked look on my face, she understood it all. How did she manage to understand me without speaking, it will never dawn to me. And she looked so beautiful with her hair waving around her, with traces of my lips and hands all over her body, naked and unashamed, it literally hurt me to watch her.

''Dogboy, relax. Want it to be casual shagging? It was just that. Now go, I have some cleaning up to do.'' Her voice had its morning huskiness and she turned her face away from me, hiding something. I hope it was hurt. Because I was hurt. She had to feel it like I did, to understand. My panic and confusion. My fear of ruining our friendship. My fear of bonding with someone and falling in love. My fear that I was already shitty deep, painfully in love with her. So I found my stuff and went away, feeling even worse than the day before.


	14. Chapter 14

kate 3110, I agree with you since I'm putting a little bit of myself here, so I'm trying to describe that feeling of confusion the best I can :D Sorry for delay, still stupid school and chores and tomorrow some of my relatives are coming to visit so I just hope I'll have the time to write at least a little. Anyway, enough of my rambling, here's the new one. Enjoy! :*

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 14

I hadn't seen her the next day. Or the day after. We somehow managed to pass over each other while on work, and I was grateful for that. Few days turned into a week and my gratefulness turned into annoyance. Why? I don't know. I probably just missed her irritating presence. Oh well, it's not like I could actually talk normally to her now. What could I even say to her?

''Oh hi Vivian, didn't see you for a while… You know, after I shagged you and left you because I'm a brainless oaf and I got a little scared. You know, classic Gryffindor behaviour…'' Yup, that would sound bloody terrific.

Now I was growing restless. It was already December and all I knew about Vivian is that she is alive and well, talking to Lily, but shutting me and the rest of the Marauders off completely. And they were, of course, very supportive loyal friends.

''Haven't seen Vivian for a while… What crawled up her arse? Is she like mad at us?'' We were currently sitting in Prongs' living room in our usual positions, listening to Wormtail's whining.

''Yeah, I was thinking the same… But why would she get mad _at us_? The last time we talked was when she and Padfoot fought-'' Prongs stopped in mid-air with his hand full of chocolate pie on the way to his mouth. They were all now looking at me, sitting quietly on the floor, fidgeting with my shirt and looking innocently to the ceiling.

''Paaaadfoot? What'd you done?'' Moony was looking at me with narrowed eyes, closing his book and examining its weight.

''Why do you think it has to be me?'' I sulked.

''Well maybe because you stormed off to 'do unfinished business' with her, and then she never passed by again.'' Prongs was having a point there. With chocolate all over his hands, shirt, and face, up to his nose. But still he had a point. When other two gits nodded he was trying to look at me smugly but failed miserably because he was licking his wrist. _Yup, wrist_.

''Or that you were the last one of us to talk to her. How much of your stupidity sparkled on moonlight now?'' Moony was giving James disgusted look but then he remembered he had to be in his mom-teacher-McGonagall mode, so he kept glancing between me and that huge book. And why would he do that? Oh, he was probably trying to calculate the chance of missing my head with it. Realizing I had to tell them and as a consequence probably have a broken nose and chocolate all over me, probably catching fire because Wormtail was delighted with muggle lighter, I took a deep breath. After all they were my best friends and if I don't tell anyone I'll explode. It's been 20 days, 8 hours and 13 minutes, for fuck's sake! Not that I count.

''Er… Well I went to her place and… Uhm…'' This was harder than I thought. And I realized how stupid I looked and how awkward this all was.

''Merlin, did you try to kill her? Spit it out, you're scaring the shit out of us!'' Wormtail yelled with left hand dangerously close to the right one, with burning lighter in it. And he'd seen it too, after he burned his finger, yelped and started to suck it. But his expecting look was back on me as soon as he tossed the lighter away from him.

I gulped. Then I cleared my throat. ''Okay. The thing is, we got in a huge fight and she was yelling and then I was yelling-'' I started to talk as memories from that day flew to me. It wasn't really hard recalling them, I was thinking about it more than often. Especially alone. In the shower. _Oh don't start being all judgmental on me, I'm a regular 19-year-old guy!_

''Oh my God you _did_ try to kill her!'' Prongs was yelling, pointing sticky brown finger at me.

''No well… It went in a different… I mean she was…'' I took another breath, feeling my cheeks burning. ''She dared me to be a man and in the next momentwekindastartedshagging.'' I mumbled incoherently the last part and groaned, putting my hands on my face. Maybe it will be easier if I talk not looking directly at them.

''I left in the morning because I was terrified.'' I added lamely.

''Be kind to repeat.'' I heard Moony's voice with the anxious edge in it.

''I shagged Vivian!'' I exclaimed, lifting my head and looking at my friends' faces. This was it, I passed the worst part. And their expressions were… Simply priceless. Really, if I wasn't feeling like some terrible shitty bastard I would laugh at them. Wormtail's eyes were huge with burned finger forgotten in his mouth. He was looking like a terrified hamster. Prongs blinked once. Then a couple of times more. Then he started to blink rapidly, tried to shift to a more comfortable position on the couch and I cringed when he left chocolate trails behind him. And then his glasses fell off his nose but he didn't comprehend that, still blinking, looking dizzy. Moony was just bewildered, loose book hanging off his hand, with his mouth slowly opening like he wanted to say something. Some weird sound came out, like a screech mixed with a gasp.

''You did _what_!?'' Wormtail was first to regain his power of speech, but he sounded like seven years old girl on helium.

I sighed. Really, I was surprised too when it happened, but I got over it. It probably had some relations with the fact I was horny virgin, late teenager with beautiful girl I was kinda fantasying about exactly in that position groping me, but that wasn't the point. And then I saw Moony throwing that bloody book, aiming directly for my head and it was so quick (bloody werewolf reflexes) that I couldn't even duck my head or dodge it. And somehow, in the same time it looked like in slow-motion, book flying, me screeching even before it had hit me, book hitting me, me listening to the slow death of my nasal bone.

''Ouch! Motherfucker! I didn't rape her, you gits! And I know how stupid I am already!'' I was trying to find my wand and fix my nose at least a little.

''Fix that shit and come here, we have to do _the punishment_. Then we can talk.'' Prongs announced earnestly. Oh no. Oh crap. Well, I probably deserved it. You see, we had Marauder's code of behaviour, with one part being the most important one: when someone does something stupid, we do _the punishment_. It consisted us hexing the unfortunate one with hexes of our choice and he had to stay like that for ten minutes. Then he would have to buy all the booze for a month and to wash the dishes, even in Moony's and Wormtail's apartments.

* * *

And here I was, minute 9, jumping on my left leg, throwing up slugs in one big bucket and laughing uncontrollably in the same time, while the others discussed my stupidity.

''Did you even try to talk to her after that?'' Moony was being mom again. Did he expect me to answer him, what?

''Oh sorry mate, here you go.'' Prongs cast counter-spells and I stopped feeling sick, stopped my hysterical laughter and fell on the floor closing my eyes, with terrible soreness in my left calf.

''Well? Did you?'' Moony pestered.

''He didn't, if you're asking did he stop being chicken.'' That was Lily's voice and it was pissed. Oh, Vivian told her. _Of course she did, you toerag, they're best friends._

''And where were you?'' Prongs all but forgot about me and Vivian on the sight of his love. Seriously, people would think his obsession will calm down when they got together.

''At Vivian's, just chilling, you know, like always. I reckon Sirius told you lot about his little adventure?'' Lily was scary little redhead. Really, right now she resembled a raging dragon.

When I heard her name something stung me and I closed my eyes and scrunched up my face. And Prongs, my brother with creepy telepathy thing knew what was on my mind.

''And how's she? Is she still like…raging? Did she ask about Padfoot? Why aren't we seeing her?'' James asked literally all the things I wanted to know.

''You're not seeing her because she's working from home on that plan for Death Eaters and those dragon eggs. She didn't ask about Sirius, not even one word after she told me what happened. And she works from home because she doesn't feel very well...'' Lily lifted her hand to stop me before I started to ramble my worry out. '…because she doesn't want to admit how much you hurt her. I think her stress and keeping all the things bottled up had to resurface somehow, so she is tired and somehow ill. And it's not my place to tell her how much she's hurting you with shutting you off, I'm not an owl. Sirius, you really have to talk to her. You two are just so stubborn and you don't see how similar you are! You are the only one that doesn't see how much you care about her!'' Her words struck me like a thunder. I felt something tighten up in my stomach and I felt some dull pain in my temple.

''Lily, you don't understand. I can't afford to… It's so hard. I just can't do this.'' I stood up and walked to my room, feeling their understanding gazes on my retreating back. I knew they understood me. And I appreciated that they left me to sort this out alone. I put a record she gave me on the gramophone and closed my eyes. Even if we start to talk, it can't be the same. Maybe she didn't even want to see me ever again, she didn't seem so eager to contact me from Lily's talk. And I was still too fucking scared to _care, to feel._ And the worst part was, for the first time in my life I didn't really care about myself and my hurting insides. I was pained just thinking _she_ was hurting because of _me._ Maybe I should really stay away from her and save her from my fucked up ways. _Yes, that's the smartest thing to do_ , I pondered while falling into a slumber.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** kate3110, Sirius has to remain stupid about her, because when he stops being stupid we know this story will be close to its end. :D So here you go, the long-ish one, I've got some goddamn flu so now I finally have some time between my social life and school.

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 15

It was just two days before Christmas and I was behaving like a woman in menopause for a whole month. Since I was not communicating with White at all and somehow got used to it, I've got back my old life. Except this stupid mission was developing so fucking slowly and it required trust, us being comrades or at least talking. We were usually passing our plans, maps, strategies and important documents to each other through Lily or the rest of the Marauders (she was at least talking to them after their pestering). All in all, the last time I had seen her was when I had run away from her flat, a month ago. At first, I missed her, but now I didn't really give a fuck. If she was worth it, she wouldn't avoid me. And holy crap, she was good at avoiding. I was sending her some owls with apologies on Lily's initiative, because at first I really wanted her at least as a friend, and I knew how much I screwed up. I was even trying to bump into her at work, then around her flat, but she really didn't want to see me. She was being childish and cruel for not giving me a chance to at least explain myself, so I didn't really care anymore. I still had my pals and my old life, the one from before meeting her. And it was okay, I was back at being emotionally handicapped, weird self, just how I loved me… Or I was just lying to myself.

The day of Christmas came and we all agreed not to give each other presents this year, because of the lack of time, places to buy a good gift or the lack of money in some cases (Moony and Wormy). So, we satisfied ourselves with agreeing to celebrate it together and spend whole day in the house, eating, laughing and just having fun. Right now, early in the morning (Lily made us to get up at 7am, screaming like a banshee 'IT'S CHRISTMAS!'), after some good breakfast and waking up we were decorating our living room. Lily went to her place to leave some food for her cat, and for the first time in our lives, something good came out of Marauders gathered together. It had to be Christmas miracle, seriously now. Everything was going just fine, we were listening to the radio, dancing, drinking butter beer and smacking each other with ornaments, of course. I was using one of those shiny long bands as a lasso, tripping Wormy a couple of times (I magically strengthened it so it wouldn't snap). Moony was trying to reach with a star to the top of the tree without magic, because he was the tallest one and never losing patience and Prongs was trying to untangle some other bands, while Wormy was sneakily casting spells to tangle them again. Of course we had a little pause because decorating could be so tiresome, with ornaments dangling from our ears and hands and bands around our necks or in Moony's case, hips. Oh well maybe people were right calling us a bunch of kids.

But, my Christmas spirit was violently crushed when a certain someone whose existence I was trying to forget knocked on the door.

''Guys, it's Vivian.'' My insides started some weird dance, my pulse quickened a lot and I was feeling like I could throw up a little from… excitement? Discomfort? But on the outside I was frozen, unable to move my limbs and get those goddamn ornaments off me, so I wouldn't look like a classic idiot the first time we saw each other after all this time.

But, others were kinda surprised too, because why would Vivian come here after a month of avoiding me?

''Sorry Vivian, gotta ask you some question to check if you're an impostor.'' Prongs said with a frown and confusion written over his face. We heard her approval on the other side while Prongs was trying to make up some good question. He was looking around the room when his eyes landed on my attempt to move at least one muscle, when notorious, mischievous look replaced confusion. Oh no, I know that look. It was the one which said 'you're going to drown in some shit right now'.

''What does that parchment you used as a card for Padfoot's birthday say?'' He was smirking and I was embarrassed as flashes of that day, of my beaming and giggling like a little girl with red cheeks and blonde braids at the note came back to me. Prongs caught me reading it, and long story short, he was convinced I was in love with her even more since then.

''Why would you even know that existed?'' I could hear a new beginning of hatred. Really, I was drowning deeper and deeper. And Prongs heard it too, because now I was seeing a flick of a panic in his eyes as he was trying to pull me out of this shit he kicked me in.

''…Um… He didn't tell me! I mean I caught him gigllmhmmhm'' I finally got back a feeling of owning a body when I quickly jumped to shut Prongs up. If some more burying my pride won't get back the memory of moving my muscles, what else will? As I was wrestling on the floor with that git, I almost heard laughter in her voice. _Almost_.

''…Well okay…'' She could hear something was going on in here, while Wormtail was trying to separate us and Moony was just ignoring all of it.

''Answer the question so we can let you in.'' He said calmly, a little amused with our behavior. Really, that guy couldn't just let the awkwardness slip away. Nooo, he had to bring up stupid question again. While I was feeling Prongs' fingers around my neck (in the most masculine way, believe me) trying to choke me or something and while I was elbowing him to get free, I also felt a pang of discomfort with the fact they brought up the most precious stupid parchment I ever had. And I was afraid of her answer. And I was afraid of her voice, quiet and somehow hoarse, like she was so sad that she was numb.

''…Unique record for unique Black star.'' She said it so hollowly I could literally touch hurt. Except I was touching Prongs' face. With my whole hand. Grabbing and clawing to get stupid git off me.

Moony muttered unlocking spell giving me an exasperated look and Vivian walked in, greeting him and stopping dead on her tracks when she saw Prongs' and mine beautiful encounter. I froze once again with my hand still grabbing Prongs' face and he quickly let go of my neck, crawling and trying to untangle his legs from mine, pushing me away so he could get up (I ended up laying on top of him in some point. On the most masculine way possible. Believe me.). I felt blush rising on my cheeks, but my hair was covering my face so I was kinda crawling to get up with my head down, looking like one of those really hairy dogs (those which remind me of mops). When I finally stood up and realized I had to face this girl sometime, better sooner than later, she was greeting Prongs wishing him Merry Christmas. When he pulled away I found myself a couple feet away from her, frozen yet again and trying not to meet her eyes. But I accidentally caught her look and you know that crap about time standing still? Well, exactly that happened. She was just the same as a month before, but somehow paler. Wearing some big sweater and jeans she just had to remind me how much I liked her for not being the same as the rest of our world. Purple hair slightly darker and freckles on her nose not too visible, probably because of the lack of sunshine. And those stupid big eyes I hated so much, with that blue color changing with her thoughts and emotions and I found myself staring and remembering every single moment I looked at her in my life. What a sappy bastard I'm turning into.

But, I wasn't the only awkward one. She was staring too, and I saw surprise, shock, amusement, anger and I swear to Merlin-joy. I saw a little flick of joy on her face, because she saw me, because she missed me, because _she cared_. _Wooow, easy, tiger, stop being such a wuss. You're not living in a romance novel for fucks' sake. It was just a play of light so you imagined what you were hoping to see._ Whatever that was she quickly recovered and gave me indifferent look. And that started to annoy me for some reason, because I wasn't used to be looked at with indifference. Annoyance, even fury- I could manage. But no emotions at all? Okay, I definitely made up that flick of joy. I scowled and Moony coughed, probably trying to urge me to say something. And just as I convinced myself to at least say one pathetic 'hi' and opened my mouth, I heard tapping on the window. Vivian's attention was now on the Lily's owl and Prongs went to take the note. I wasn't very worried for Lily sending an owl, if something bad happened she would send a Patronus or something, but I was certainly confused, as the rest of the people in the room. Prongs was reading the note with scrunched up face, then he raised his eyebrows and finally he looked somehow exasperated.

''Lily's cat….died…Her parents found it on the street and she wants us to…'' I could see he was trying to look earnest and solemn, but failing miserably because of ridiculousness of the situation. ''…to make a little funeral. Now.'' I blinked a couple of times, Vivian was almost cringing with her expression saying one big 'what the fuck', Peter was frowning trying to realize what connection did he ever have with Lily's pet and Moony just nodded, leading us outside, casting protective wards on apartment and trying to act like good, concerned friend. For Lily's dead cat. Which, by the way, I didn't know even existed until now. And I was going on funeral _of the cat_ on this awful mix of snow and rain falling onto me telling me with sickly sweet voice 'Sirius, your Christmas is officially ruined…Why? Just because. Good luck with that purple thing and dead cats, son'. I could hear its voice telling me something along that.

* * *

We apparated in some random street near Lily's family home, in case her neighbors were outside. We were having a casual quiet walk, everyone in their own thoughts, when Wormtail spoke up.

''So, Vivian, what were you doing in Prongs' flat? Not that it bothers us, it's just been a while.'' He smiled pleasantly and I was trying to be invisible, so I could hear the answer without looking too eager. So I was acting all casual and macho-like, with blank face, like I didn't give a single fuck to the world.

''Well, Lily begged me to come and celebrate Christmas with you guys and I didn't want to be alone…'' She trailed off, realizing she gave too much information. And then my blank face disappeared and I looked at her and she looked at me and I quickly looked away. _Bravo, Sirius. Bra-vo. Now pull her hair and run away like the rest of six-year-olds, you macho man, you._

She, of course caught all of my crap because she knew me so fucking well, and almost scoffed. But she too had to stay in her indifferent mode. It didn't look like she was having trouble with that, really.

''Amos is in Morocco with the Ministry, so I said to myself why the heck not.'' She smiled at the three of them and ignored me completely, and all I could feel was slight increase of irritancy. I yelled in my head my new mantra 'you don't care; you don't care; you don't care' and when we finally made it to Lily's, I was perfectly calm and composed. _Numb is the word you are looking for._

''Thanks for coming, guys. Let's go to the backyard. I want to do this without magic.'' Lily greeted us with red eyes and splotchy face, with a little box in her hands. In a box was some kind of brown sack, and in that was, obviously, the corpse of the cat I have never seen before. And now I was expected to dig its grave. On this weather. Without magic. _Did you really think the day was going to be okay, Sirius? It's your life in question, stop acting surprised when this kind of shit happens._

* * *

After _one wonderful_ ceremony for Kinsley (that's the cat for you), we all agreed to go to the Prongs' flat and Lily and James would join us for dinner, after she made herself more presentable.

So we were sitting in living room, Vivian in some lively discussion with Moony and Wormtail, me trying to find some record to put on, or in other words, dodging problems and awkward moments for some time. But then Moony just _had_ to ask her how's the mission going, just because he could, not aware of the fact I was in that crap with her, much to our dislike.

''Oh just fine, for a couple of days I should already meet those sweet little pigeons.'' She answered with polite smile, like she was discussing weather or something. Of course, only her could be calling Death Eaters, psychopathic murderers 'sweet little pigeons'. I almost smirked but then I realized what she actually said. She couldn't be that stupid. I mean, everyone knew me and Prongs were the best duelists in the whole Order. That didn't mean we were using Unforgivable curses, of course. I've never cast one of them in my life, nor I will for that matter. That's one of the reasons I was given this particularly hard mission, so I could catch some jerks if I could, harm them a little but not kill them or get myself killed.

''Wait, you think you can go by yourself, not even consulting me for the matter?'' My numbness was vanishing as I watched her casting a look at me like I was annoying schoolgirl.

''Oh, should I ask for your permission? Sorry, didn't quite realize that because, you know, you were so communicative in the last month.'' Oh, so it's my fault for not talking. Excellent.

''Yeah, and that's my fault, you not talking to me.'' I was glaring now.

''Haha, wanna talk about faults? Want me to remind you of our little sh-'' Well maybe she knew me well, but I was observing her too. I could see she was trying to be indifferent but her calm and seemingly cheerful voice was almost cracking. But Moony cut her off, seeing where this was going.

''Okay, never mind guys. Forget I asked. Did you hear about-?'' I could see Moony was trying to calm our spirits and change the topic, but what did he have in mind I had no idea, with James and Lily bursting into the apartment.

''Kinsley's aliiive! It's a Christmas miracle!'' Lily was yelling and smiling while Prongs looked like he wanted the Earth to swallow him.

''Not exactly a Christmas miracle, it's just… I can't even say it. Really, Lily, this could only happen to us.'' Prongs was scoffing and trying to take off his drenching cloak. When they saw our baffled expression, Lily realized it's time to explain.

''You see, it was a little misunderstanding. The car didn't get Kinsley, she came back home from some hunting or something just before.'' She was smiling again but I was even more puzzled.

''Wait, _so what did_ we bury today?'' I asked, now really not understanding.

''Oh well my parents were driving back from the mall and they saw something white and fluffy on the street…'' She trailed off, her cheeks burning.

''…A rabbit. We buried someone's dead rabbit. Please let's not talk about this to anyone. Thank you.'' Prongs said sternly.

I didn't know should I laugh or cry. This day was probably the freakiest one in the long, long, time. And what did I expect? It always has to be when this awful girl is around. I should really keep away from her. Especially now, when all we could do was fighting. And it wasn't interesting like before. It was nasty and terrible and I just kept myself unhappy because of her. This has to stop. So I just turned around and went outside, not even saying goodbye. This Christmas, I was going to remain Padfoot.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** kate3110, oh it's definitely weird (in my country too, here in Serbia Christmas is all about love and peace, like in other countries), but I had to ruin Sirius' Christmas muahaha :D That goddamn flu didn't defeat me, so here I am healthy, alive and with awesome chapter! (trust me, you'll like this one, it's full of action). So, ta-daaaaa :D

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 16

The day after New Year's Eve was probably the worst one I had in a whole year. And you know I had shitty ones. So I'm not saying this offhandedly. A horrible blizzard literally buried whole London in snow, it was cold and terrible and I just hated winter. Well, I started my hate after Hogwarts and its warm blankets, nice meals and much time for snowballing, of course. And now, since I became responsible fucking adult at least I had warm blankets and semi-nice meals (that's when Prongs and I finally gave up on cooking). But I didn't have fucking time. For snowballing, playing, resting, sleeping. Because I was supposed to do something with my life. And I was just an confused oaf.

''Padfoot! Wake up now!'' So much fucking noise. I really should just move out from this flat, it's like living in a mall. I covered my head with my blanket, groaning on the sound of Prongs' voice. I was hungover and the fact that it wasn't even dawn yet didn't do much help.

''Padfoot! It's Vivian, you have to get up!'' My stupid, slow mind didn't even realize how much alarming Prongs' voice sounded. But on this last statement, I opened my eyes at least.

''Oh for fuck's sake, we don't have time for this!'' He quickly conjured a vial of Sober-up potion and threw it on the place where my head was. Even if I had a blanket for protection, it still hurt when it hit my forehead. I finally dragged myself out of the bed, glancing at the clock-6:00 am. I groaned again.

''Ouch! What do you want this early, you git?!'' I hissed while opening a vial. I was grimacing at the terrible taste and forcing myself to swallow that terrible shit, when I almost choked on his words.

''I told you it's Vivian. They've got her, Padfoot. She left alone for the mission you two supposed to be going in two days.'' Prongs said gravely, while rubbing his temple. My breath hitched in my throat and I really couldn't make a coherent sentence.

''C'mon, get dressed. Moony is with the pack, Wormy is working on his mission and Lily and me are free today, so we're coming with you. We have to get to her before…'' I threw him so nasty look, that it was really a dare for him to finish that sentence. He clearly understood so he shut up and left me to prepare.

* * *

When we finally set off, I was feeling slightly sick with anticipation and fear. Thousands of thoughts were swirling through my head, thousands of questions wanted to be said but I was afraid that I would puke if I opened my mouth. Luckily, Lily, as observant as ever, saw my agony and started to explain our situation.

''She was supposed to celebrate New Year's Eve with us, but didn't show up, so I sent her an owl. It returned with my letter so I realized something's not okay. I went to her flat this morning at 4am when she still didn't send a word and her Patronus was waiting for me, telling me she had found out where Death Eaters' shelter is. So I quickly came back home to tell you all this crap, but you weren't there.'' How stupid could I get? I mean sure, it's not like I had known she was going to be crazy over-confident idiot and go on a literally suicide mission. But at least I could stay home, not go to that goddamn party and get myself sloshed. So, you see why this day started so beautifully. And it was just 6:15 am and I had an hour and a half of sleep. And it was so cold I was waiting for my breath to freeze. But I didn't feel any of it. I felt some goosebumps creeping on me and not because of the cold. Terrible scenarios of her hurting, or worse, dying were switching in my mind and I was cringing at each one of them.

We finally made it to her flat to see if she had left some clue where the fuck she could go. I had a general idea-I _was_ technically part of this mission, but we had to be sure. We barged in her apartment while I was internally cursing myself for being such a girl on the sight of the place of our first kiss. _It's not the time for your self-pitying! Focus! Move your arse!_ The other Sirius was yelling and it didn't really help to my already throbbing head. We were snuffling around a little, looking at her plans and documents and Prongs found our clue. It was the place magically marked on one of the maps, in the middle of woods in North Ireland. I knew exactly on which place she thought they would be so I frantically ordered my two companions to hold onto me and apparated us there. As soon as we arrived, Lily started casting some revealing spells and Prongs and I tried to rely on our animalistic senses to find out where she fucking disappeared. Really, we were just in the middle of the woods with snow storm hurling around us, with bare trees and huge nothing on our sight. But then I saw it. One big drop of blood, somehow not covered in snow. I sniffed it and recognized the smell-it was hers. And then I sensed a couple of more scents I didn't recognize and I picked it all up. There was a fight here. My insides flipped around when James and Lily came and James held his hand in the seemingly empty air. But his fingers touched something, obviously.

''We have to do some pretty serious revealing shit here, don't you guys think?'' Prongs got his wand out and started mumbling some wards. Lily picked up what he was saying so she joined him, with lots of complicating wand movements and jerks. I really couldn't focus to help them and I just waited there frozen, my eyes glued to the one red spot on the ground. And finally, some sort of closed tunnel appeared before us. It looked like one of those igloos, those round little houses, the only difference was that it was dark grey and made of stone. So clearly, it led to the underground, but how to open it? I finally regained my senses and tried to open it with magic-it didn't work, of course. But then another thing appeared, like some kind of door frame, only the cold wall was behind it. And on this door frame were carved some runes and me and Prongs never took Runes on Hogwarts, so it was Lily's turn to do something. She quickly pushed herself past us to have a better view and Prongs started to fuss around her with 'Don't touch it! Be careful! Don't say it out loud!' and then she shut him up with one look which awfully reminded me of McGonagall when we had turned her hair pink.

''This just… Doesn't make any sense… It's like some poem… _As long as air can't be seen… And sun rises on the east… We exist._ '' On the sound of her voice, on the place where the door should stand some words appeared. And I gulped when I saw them. They were _oh so familiar,_ and buried in my life like some awful disease.

''Toujours pur.'' Lily whispered and I closed my eyes for a second. Prongs recognized those words and gave me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.

''Always pure. Dragon eggs were just a cover-up. This is something bigger. They want to hide something for Voldemort.'' I said almost numbly. Lily was puzzled. After all, she was muggle-born so she didn't really have so much knowledge about my family. But Prongs was familiar with the topic, so he tried to explain.

''It's the Black family motto. They keep it like very important and the last remaining Black who isn't Sirius or his mother which we know isn't a Death Eater…is Bellatrix, now Lestrange, the most loyal servant of Voldemort. And this is some shitload of dark magic here so we reckon it had nothing to do with stupid dragon eggs.'' Lily nodded with understanding and sudden fright for her friend.

''…But how do we… Get inside?'' Lily was pondering and Prongs was pressing on the different places of this structure with his wand. My eyes were once again on the drop of Vivian's blood when it hit me and I swallowed a huge lump in my throat.

''Blood.'' It came out husky and hoarse and I was amazed they had even heard me.

''Okay, I'll just…'' Prongs started to roll up his jacket sleeve but Lily stopped him before I could.

''Maybe it has to be 'mudblood' blood, so maybe I should…'' but now I cut her off.

''No. This blood magic recognizes any kind of blood. I'll do it. One cut more, whatever.'' And before they could protest I rolled up my sleeve and withdrew my pocket knife I've bought and improved for my needs. I made a cut on my wrist and my blood splattered on the white snow, but when I brought my hand to the cold wall, nothing happened. Lily opened her mouth, probably to say 'see, it recognizes blood', but then another rune appeared.

'' _Write_.'' Lily translated it and I gulped once again. So they did _this_ to Vivian. To _my_ Vivian. It was a shame I admitted it on that place in that time. But she was mine and they were torturing her right now, maybe even killing her. And finally all numbness disappeared and one huge swirl of emotions caught onto me. And the main one was fury. I took my knife once again, seeing this is the only way. I turned the inside of my forearm and started to 'write'. It was so painful that I was almost happy to feel it, it was like a wake-up call. After some time, a couple of profanities and a lot of waking up, my left forearm was glistening in my blood, from my elbow to my wrist, but those words could be seen clearly. Those bloody words I hated so much. My blood was also glistening on the wall too, it filled carved words and the sight sickened me.

And finally, the stupid wall disappeared. We were standing in front of some stairs, leading, as I thought, to underground. We were creeping around for some time, with careful steps and shallow breathing. I was still sensing her smell and it led us to some kind of little hallway, with three doors surrounding us. One was a little ajar so we cast Disillusionment charm and I slowly sneaked up to see who was inside. It was the most innocent and cheerful lot I have ever seen-Lestrange couple, Dolohov, Crabbe, Goyle, some other young, probably new recruits, five of them, and to my horror, Greyback. I was praying to all higher forces that he didn't have his way with her. They were talking in hushed tones and then all of them apparated somewhere, leaving Greyback to wait for them. And just as I thought to step away and see what's behind the other door, something incredible happened. The door behind this terrifying creature burst open and she was standing there. With blood all around her lips and right forearm awfully cut with the same words as mine. With her hair messy and sticky with blood, white shirt with red stains and black pants ripped on her knees, which were also bloody and bruised. Her right leg was obviously broken and she was leaning against the door frame, grinning with blood-stained teeth viciously and holding someone's wand in her left hand.

I was so happy and relieved to see her alive, even in this awful state. I was even terrified a little of her vicious grin and burning blue eyes and when she started to speak, my breath hitched.

''You think that one arsehole was enough to control me? I would let you see what's left of him, but I don't really have time for that.'' Greyback was in shock, but he unfortunately, recovered quickly.

''Why, you little mudblood bitch! You'll stop grinning when I get my hold on you!'' He leapt to get her and she cast some jinx to hold him off. And just when I realized it's time to help her, I saw what was happening around me while I was gaping at her. The rest of the Death Eaters from that room were surrounding us and I somehow managed to ignore the whole battle. And just as I started to cast some curses Prongs looked behind us, to that room.

''Padfoot! Leave us, go get Vivian!'' I nodded and opened that door quietly, but I froze on the sight before me. Even if she was the most powerful little witch I had ever seen, Greyback was a beast. Just when I stepped into the room he ducked to avoid some curse she had thrown, grabbed her cut forearm with one hand and while she was yelping in pain he took her wand away.

''No wizard can deal with me! That useless stick is nothing, you stupid mudblood whore! We'll see who'll laugh when I fuck you 'til you cry and rip your sweet little throat off!'' No amount of Amos Diggory and my mother mixed together couldn't bring from me what this monster could with a couple of sentences. I was literally seeing white spots around me and when he threw Vivian on the floor, jumping on her and trying to rip her clothes off, I realized that no amount of curses will satisfy my fury. Maybe he was a beast, but I was too. I transformed into Padfoot and bolted to get him off her.

* * *

Vivian's POV:

I thought it was over. I was going to be raped and slaughtered like some helpless girl, killed while I was trying to get free from their grasp. Just when I felt that beast ripping my shirt and started to pray for this just to end, just to die already, I heard some growl behind me. I moved my head to the side to see a huge black dog with bared white teeth and startling grey eyes jumping on us. I screamed thinking it was one of them and this was just some sick part of my dying, but then I saw it digging its teeth into Greyback's back. He screamed in pain and I scrambled to move away. And then I became conscious what was going on around me. A whole wall was crumpled down and in the hallway were James and Lily, fighting with Death Eaters in unison. It was a miracle and I was so shocked that they came and managed to find me. But then my attention snapped back on that beast and Greyback. He was trying to break free and clawed and pulled this dog but it would not move. I could hear occasional whimper when he hit really hard, but that was it. And then the dog looked at me, barked and bit on Greyback's leg so hard that the blood started splattering on the wall. And in that crazy moment I remembered I was cuddling with this wolf-like thing in front of my flat that one time. And I was scared shitless from it right now. But then Bellatrix appeared with her maniacal grin.

''Thanks for bringing us fuuun, little mudblood. Just came to give you last regards before I kill one of those obnoxious brats.'' She came and stood above me, probably thinking what curse to use on me before finishing me off. And I tried to smoothly feel with my hand around the floor and take a wand Greyback took away from me. But she saw me and grinned even more broadly, making a baby-voice and taunting me.

''That's a no-no, you silly girl. Have to punish you now, sorry, not sorry. _Crucio_!'' This was the fifth painful curse they cast on me for two hours and I still felt like it never had hurt like this before. She stopped finally when I thought I was going to pass out from pain and laughed.

''I really admire you for taking down Ygnis, but I'm not that pathetic, you filth-'' But that dog jumped up from unconscious Greyback. Only it wasn't a dog anymore. It was Sirius. And I really wondered if I lost my mind with this last curse.

''Oh no, you don't. _Crucio_!'' I was watching in amazement and fright Bellatrix squirms and painful jerks on the floor in front of me. She was screaming in pain and when I looked at him, I saw something bigger then fury. Words can't describe his blizzard-like eyes and bared teeth, bloody from his encounter with Greyback. I was afraid of him like this. He was so powerful and god-like, so strong and so desperate to hurt. And maybe I'm sick, but it was a turn on for me. No, not a turn on… A realization. I care so much about this noble man who was risking his life to save mine and casting, for the first time in his life, an Unforgivable Curse. Because of me. He was looking at her pain in sick satisfaction and then he glanced at me. Suddenly, that furious psycho disappeared, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and lifted his wand. And Bellatrix was passed out on the floor next to us. I grabbed her wand and just when he took a step towards me, in the corner of my eyes I saw some other Death Eater coming. I panicked seeing he was lifting his wand and without warning Sirius, I ducked and cast a Stupefy spell, literally grazing Sirius' shoulder. In the same time Death Eater cast some curse so when my spell hit him, it aimed to the wall and it started to crumple. The Death Eater passed out and fell when stones of the wall buried him. _I just killed a man to save Sirius' life._ And the worst part was, I wasn't even sorry.

* * *

Back to Sirius' POV:

The rest of the battle was kind of blur. We kept hexing and cursing and even fighting in the muggle way. While battling, I found out Vivian managed to get free from that Ygnis guy when she pretended she was unconscious, so when he got close to her she kicked him in the place I didn't want to get kicked, ever. She stole his wand and then I saw her. Anyway. Now James had a huge gash on his shoulder blade, Lily's arm looked broken and I was really getting sick from blood loss. Someone again cast that goddamn _Sectusempra_ on me. Why did every battle have to finish with my blood loss? Vivian was crawling somewhere around us, hitting Death Eaters from below. And then I heard more voices and saw Moony, Wormy, Moody and even Dumbledore among the rest members of the Order. I smiled just when my knees decided they wouldn't support me anymore. I saw another Death Eater aiming for Vivian, cast a stunner silently and closed my eyes. I felt somehow content, in the middle of the battle, falling, firstly on my knees, and then sprawling on the floor. If this is dying, it is okay, even if everything hurts so much. Everyone's still fine. Vivian's f- _and then all became black._


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** kate3110 hhh I'm glad you liked it :D Of course they're not becoming a couple right away, I have to make some more dwelling dramatic moments, where's the fun without them, right? :D So here's the next one, not my favorite one, but it'll do to be some kind of crossover between important parts. :D

 **Disclaimer** : Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 17

Ouch. Ouuuuch. The first thing I felt when I came back from the dead was unbearable pain. Everywhere. I literally couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. So I was just laying there (I don't know where but it was soft and comfortable and it smelled clean), chilling with my throbbing limbs and immense pressure in the abdomen. And I realized I wasn't alone in here.

''Oooh, he's waking up! Padfoot? Can you hear us? Say something!'' I heard Moony's worried, almost parental voice.

''I….'' My voice was some mix of squeaky and hoarse grunt. Pretty attractive and manly, huh? I tried to clear my throat, winced because of the pain, and then winced because I made a sudden movement with latter wincing.

''I think… Even my eyelashes hurt.'' I mumbled trying to open my eyes and after some tiresome seconds, succeeding. My vision was blurred and my head started to hurt ( _hurt?_ _Really? This is a new feeling for me in the last hour_ ) from the lightness of my room. And then I saw snickering faces of my pals. All of them were gathered around my bed and I was really happy to see them well and alive, but I couldn't not to notice that Vivian wasn't amongst them.

''Okay, fill me in.'' I was still having problems with breathing, talking and keeping my eyes open in the same time, so I breathed my order out and making it sound rather pathetic. I was glancing curiously at my friends. We were in my room in Prongs' flat and it looked the tidiest I've ever seen it. Every single piece of clothing was nowhere on the sight, blinds were up and I could see weirdly clear sky and sun. I was lying in some new, white linen sheets with Moony sitting next to me on the chair with fading black eye and healing cut on the lip. Wormy was sitting on the floor on my other side, with some bandages on his forehead. Lily was sitting next to my feet and looking pretty much normal and healthy and Prongs was standing in front of me, with purplish bruises on his neck, like someone had choked him. All in all, everyone was in better condition than me.

''Well, not long after you passed out, all was over. Dumbledore really saved our butts down there, but unfortunately most of the Death Eaters managed to run away. After them hitting you with that nasty cutting curse and you passing out from the blood loss, we were trying to get to you but couldn't because of all of that mess and somewhere in the process they were tripping on your body and stepping on you. All in all, you have that deep gash on your abdomen which got a little infected, those nasty words on your left forearm which Madame Pomfrey had to bandage in a muggle way because we couldn't find a spell or the potion to heal it, two broken ribs and seriously injured right knee. And several minor injuries, of course.'' Moony was listing in a dismissing way, like he was talking about the weather.

''Oh, also you were asleep for five days, now.'' Wormy added casually. What's with my friends and not giving a shit about my wellbeing? Okay, maybe I was a little over dramatic now. They were looking after me for five days. But still, they could at least pamper me.

''Okay…And the rest of the Order? How are they?'' Maybe I am a major piece of shit, but I really didn't give a fuck about the rest of the Order at the moment. The rest of the Order for me was Vivian and I was just thinking how she was doing.

''Oh they're all right, no biggies. Prewett was pretty cool when-'' Wormy started to ramble and I wanted to smack him. And my favorite girl in the world Lily realized this on time, seeing my deathly glare.

''Vivian- _no_ _Wormtail, it wasn't that cool_ \- Vivian was the biggest mess of us all, but Madam Pomfrey patched her up pretty quickly. Right now she's just shaken and the only serious injury is that writing on her forearm, like yours. It will leave the scar, that's for sure.''

''Yeah Padfoot, don't worry, she's fine. I mean she literally didn't want to leave you-'' Prongs started with that mischievous glint I really hated but my insides started doing some flip-flops. But I couldn't hear the end of that sentence because Lily smacked him upside head and muffling his voice with

''oKAY GUYS, let's go, Padfoot needs some good sleep now.'' She yanked Prongs' arm and Prongs turned and winked before they left, with grinning Moony and Wormtail following. I just sighed, and for a couple of minutes amused myself with thinking what was Prongs trying to say. But I was too exhausted and sore so I decided to come back to that when I had a little more brain cells to use.

* * *

Vivian's POV:

I was scared shitless. When he fell from blood loss and I couldn't reach him, I was more scared then than several hours ago, when I was considering myself as a dead woman. He was here and saving my life, fighting until the last drop of energy and I couldn't even crawl to him. When we finally managed to get out of there, deciding it was the best to go to the James' apartment for safety, I was still feeling the need to throw up. And no, not because I was beaten up and traumatized with several attempts to get raped and murdered. It was because he was so pale and unconscious, looking almost…dead. I was literally shaking with fear and the only thought in my head was ''Don't let him die.'' I was repeating it like a prayer inwardly, not aware of my surroundings. Guys carried him into his room with Madam Pomfrey shaking her head and stomping behind them and I was sitting with Lily in the living room, feeling a huge lump in my throat. _What_ _the hell is wrong with me?_

''Hey, Viv… Don't worry, he'll get through this. He _is_ the tough one, after all.'' Lily was rubbing my back and trying to soothe me with calm and collected voice, but I could see almost panic in her eyes. I couldn't even try to decipher her comforting words. I was now staring in one spot on the wall. It looked like some dead spider or something. _C'mon Vivian, pull yourself together. He won't die. He won't-Oh my God, what if he dies? What if he keeps being stupid brat and finds it easier just to go away?_ I was looking at my hands now. They were so much trembling, that even if I tried to pick up that mug of tea Lily brought me, it would probably shatter. My left forearm was freshly bandaged and I realized I didn't even remember Madam Pomfrey fussing around me.

''Oh honey, you are so pale. You look like you're going to pass out. Drink the tea, please'' I was hearing Lily's pleading voice in the distance, but once again I failed to understand her. And then the door of Sirius' bedroom opened and Madam Pomfrey stepped out, looking exhausted. My head snapped in her direction and I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Thank Merlin for Lily and considering healer.

''He'll survive, don't worry. It's just that he's in terrible pains because of the potions for broken bones and that infected wound on his abdomen, so I gave him sleeping draught. Just be quiet around him. We hope for the best result.'' Lily nodded and slowly took my hand and leaded me to his room. And on the sight of his sleeping form, so peaceful and child-like, and so terribly weak, with that beautiful face now damaged with cuts and bruises _because of me_ , my state of shock finally crumpled. I broke down. I broke down in front of Marauders and Lily, not caring at all to show how much I hated myself. I fell on my knees sobbing so hard I was getting dizzy. They all ran to me, helping me to get up and trying to calm me down.

''I'm-so… so-sorry…'' I was mumbling through my hands while attempting to sit on a chair next to his bed. Thank Merlin for my understanding friends, they knew they should leave me alone, so they left the room. I really was sorry. For being arrogant and stupid enough to think I could finish it all by myself. For getting him into so much trouble. For not giving him credit for being such a beautiful person. For being only pest and pain in the arse for the majority of time. For ruining every chance to be at least a good friend. I was so, so sorry.

The rest couple of days were the terrible blur for me. I didn't remember anything except crying my eyes out and fussing around Sirius. I didn't even allow the others to come and help me. When I finally got a grip on myself and stopped being whiny jerk, I started to clean his room, just to pass some time. Then I cleaned his wounds with potions Madam Pomfrey had left I was just sitting, holding his hand just to feel him next to me, talking or singing or reading to him. I couldn't even sleep, or eat. Others begged me to get some rest, but I would just ignore them. And then, on the fourth day, he moved in his sleep. My heart skipped and I thought he was waking up. I started panicking, I don't even know why, but he just winced on his movement, slowly moved and made himself comfortable and then let out one small snore. I chuckled, and after what seemed like eternity, I could feel relief. He was really going to be fine. Just then I realized I didn't even change my clothes or took a shower for four days. I didn't even want to look at myself on the mirror. It was the time for me to leave, but before that, I had to speak to Lily. Fortunately, she was alone in the kitchen when I found her.

''Just promise me you won't tell him, _any of you,_ that I was here.'' I don't know why it bothered me so much, but I really didn't want him to know thet I had actually worried myself to death for him. In my eyes it just looked stupid, weak, vulnerable and humiliating.

''But why...? I mean that's nothing bad...'' Lily started confused, but I cut her off.

''Please. Just promise.'' She sighed, shaking her head and giving me one of those stern motherly looks.

''Fine. I promise. But you're making a mistake.'' I just nodded, told her to say hi to others and apparated to my flat. He's going to be fine. I am not needed anymore. On that thought I felt a pang of sorrow but I ignored it, took a long bath and ate like a beast and finally got to bed, sleeping peacefully and without nightmares. _He's going to be fine._


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** I'm sorry for the delay because I'm an irresponsible jerk... But here we are, the next one. We're slowly heading to the end of the story, so I had to put in something from the beginning-Sirius was actually warned that Vivian is as stupid as him in feeling department when he was spying on her and that guy. So you know, that guy's (Jo? John? It's troublesome to check) wish or curse or whatever you call it for Vivian came true... Anyway, here you go, only one or two chappies left! :D

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 18

The next couple of days were all about me lazing around and being still tired (okay, pretending to be tortured and hurting snowflake so I could have some more free days from work). Nevertheless, Madam Pomfrey would probably kill me if I tried to get up and go to the Ministry. Really, that's an irony-I'm afraid for my life because of a woman who had saved it several times. What to say, I'm pathetic human being.

Finally, five days after my five-day beauty sleep, I felt pretty normal and started to feel pretty restless. So, naturally, I decided to risk my luck with crazy healer and just get up and go to work. It felt so good to function like a normal person again, without Lily pampering you and Prongs making your life miserable. Because apparently I'm 'incapable buffoon a.k.a. the weakest of the four'. Well, hell no. You hearing, Prongs? I'm getting up and being a hero which I deserve to be! So what if I just have to drag myself to the office and do endless paperwork and reports from that day? So what if inside I was whiny little brat because that awful girl didn't even want to see how am I doing after I had saved her life? I tried to erase self-pitying thoughts from my mind as I gathered my things and headed for nice morning shower. Today had to be some good day, I could feel it. The weather was cold since it was January, but it was sunny and all trails of snow disappeared by now. And all I had to do was to go to work, do some crap and finally go out somewhere when I finish. So I was whistling while I was preparing myself, checked myself out in the mirror and got scared a little, but didn't really care (I lost some weight and I still looked a little queasy and I ignored my slight stubble because I didn't give a shit to lose my time on shaving while I was this cheerful). I came out of bathroom and headed to the living room, fully expecting grinning faces of my friends, waiting to tell me how glad they were because I finally joined them.

 _Well, ha-bloody-ha, Sirius, you hilarious git._ Just when I stepped out of my room with prepared grin, some bloody slipper flew just above my head and wiped my prepared grin off my face. And then I heard my dear friend's screeching.

''Moony, you fucking idiot! I gave it to you because I would possibly lose it! Her birthday is _just_ in three weeks, what am I supposed to do now?!''I instantly knew what was going on. Prongs was pain in the arse for a week because he ordered some really expensive pendant for Lily's birthday and when they finished it he gave it to Moony because, as you know, Moony is the normal one. Except he lost it. If I wasn't scared of Prongs' murderous glare and sorry for Moony's frightened face, I would probably laugh. Okay, I'm lying, I don't give a fuck about their incident, this is great. But then Prongs noticed me, and this time, slipper actually hit me right in the face.

''And what are you laughing at, git? Help us find it! Why did you send these people in my life!?'' Prongs was looking at the ceiling, talking to Merlin, God or whatever force he was trying to contact.

''Prongs, calm down, we'll find it. It has to be here somewhere, it probably just fell out of my pocket. I slept on the couch, just relax!'' Moony was trying to soothe Prongs who was looking like he was about to have a stroke.

''THEN MOVE YOUR ARSES AND START SEARCHING!'' he was screaming and I literally threw myself on the floor and started to look for the pendant under the couch. I glanced around me and saw Moony and Wormtail already trying to find it, with the look in their eyes similar to one of those guys who were having major traumas. Well, I probably looked the same.

''Hey, Prongs, I found that shirt you claimed I borrowed from you and never gave it back!'' Well, maybe my concentration was slipping but there were pretty interesting things under the couch. I picked the shirt up and saw Prongs' expression lighting up. Just like that, he wasn't mad anymore. He was so easy to distract, like some child.

''Ohhh, I missed it so much!'' He took it and even if it was under the bed for Merlin knows how long, he took off his pullover and put that shirt on. It was awfully dusty and I swear I saw some spider climbing up Prongs' ear. Oh well, if it makes him happy…

We were, by then, literally turning the flat upside down. Okay, not exactly literally but you know what I mean. And Prongs was starting to get all panicky and bulging-eyes-y again. The worst part was, though, when Lily barged in.

''What are you doing? We're going to be late for-'' But then she saw my arse because I was still kneeling in front of the couch, with my head underneath before I heard her coming, Moony was rummaging through the shelf, Prongs was having a slight heart-attack and Wormtail…was picking something off the floor. And eating it. And all our attention turned to him.

''Did you just eat something off the floor?'' Lily asked bewildered, Prongs closed his mouth and gave him disgruntled look, and Moony and I were just amused.

''What? I found some chocolate!'' I winced hoping it wasn't as old as I assumed it was. Lily shook her head looking defeated. I don't know how she puts up with our shit. Because with Prongs goes a whole new package of gits.

''Nevermind. What are you looking for, anyway?'' And then I was really sorry for Prongs. He looked like kicked puppy.

''Lily, I'm so sorry! I wanted to do something nice for you and of course I ruined it!'' He sounded so desperate that we all joined him, nodding.

''Just tell me what it is, I'm not going to get mad.'' Lily said softly.

''Well… It was supposed to be a surprise…'' Then James started talking all about him finding a man who could make beautiful pendants and ordering the one in the shape of the stag, and, of course, Moony losing it. He looked miserable when he finished the story. And Lily started to laugh. Really, she has even more inappropriate reactions to things than me, and I am a king of awkward.

''Did you…'' She was trying to regain her breath. ''Did you try with… Conjuring?'' When she said it our eyes widened, some of us paled and the other ones blushed. It's called transfer of stupidity. Then Prongs proceeded to conjure bloody pendant, then they started being all mushy and then I yelled they're gross and we're late.

* * *

I should have predicted in the morning that my 'some good day' would turn into a big load of crap, accumulating slowly until I drowned. It was just those silly stupid things which could make you feel crappy, even if they can't ruin your life. For example, when we set off, just when I stepped onto the street, some pigeon took a shit and it landed on my shoulder. Then I had to go back and change and of course I was late, and Moody wanted to hang my balls onto the fireplace (his exact words as a welcome-back speech). He was pissed because I was procrastinating even before my mission so he gave me huge stack of papers to fill in. Oh, joyous day. I couldn't even get out to have a lunch and I pretended I had to go to the bathroom just so I could have a little pause and take a smoke. And when once nice day finally came to an end and I tried to sneak out of the Ministry unnoticed by my mental boss, with Prongs and Lily right behind me, I stumbled upon the bane of my existence. And I couldn't not to notice the fact she looked much better than I did. And I really wanted to smack my head on the nearby lamp because I was trying not to look so excited to see her. I missed her. And I was simultaneously pissed off at her. Nothing new here. When Lily called out for her and she focused on us, surprised, almost happy expression crossed her face. But she quickly covered that up. Why does she keep doing that? I was so pissed at her. For not asking about me. For not caring if I'm okay. For ignoring me. For being major pain in the arse and absolute contrary to the every girl I had ever seen. For being so beautiful and smart and funny and mad and not falling for me. It frustrates me to no end, I'll probably go bald until my forties. Oh, how much I want to smack her and pull her into a kiss. But right now, the urge to smack her is bigger. Because she doesn't give a fuck about me and I'm being spoiled and immature prat. And I hate her. Really.

''You're welcome, even if you didn't even thank me.'' I drawled looking all haughty and bored, like I didn't care what she thought. But I was trying not to puke from my crazy nerves. Oh peachy, me and my personality disorders just hanging out in the most wrong time _ever_.

''It's not going to happen again, so don't worry.'' She said dismissively. Why doesn't she want to look me in the eye? Is she disgusted with me or something? Maybe she's scared I went rampage while saving her. I would be, on her place. Great, just great. On top of the all swirling emotions right now came guilt. And hurt because she's ice cold. And just then it struck me. What if I was wrong about her the whole time? What if she really was a heartless bitch she presented herself to be? Maybe I was just delusional. I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore, my annoyance took the better of me.

''What kind of person are you? I'm not asking you to care about me or something, but you could at least have some decency to ask if I'm alive or not. I certainly misjudged you. I hoped you weren't the biggest bitch I've ever met.'' I said it with cold sneer and badly covered disappointment. But maybe I was too harsh. Or maybe I wasn't. She was playing with my head for too long. I can't bear it anymore. And I was so taken aback with her expression. It changed. Her eyes darkened. She didn't look pissed or furious. She looked hollow and defeated. But not surprised. It's like she was waiting for this to happen. Her false coldness slipped away and I could see it clearly - depressed, painful look in numb eyes.

''Sirius, enough. Go. Now.'' Lily ordered strictly and just as I wanted to pass Vivian, she ducked her head and walked slowly past me, not saying anything. That pride in her step I liked so much disappeared. She looked smaller and humble. One wave of orchid and lavender later, and she was gone and I was standing with confused Prongs and angry Lily, realizing that, yet again, I was hurting because I hurt her.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N** : kate3110, oh, I love Vivian too much to kill her and I'm quite a fool for happy endings :D And I was thinking... I'll probably write a sequel, I have a pretty good idea about it. Here is second to last chapter, so enjoy. :D

 **Disclaimer:** Everything except the plot and my OC is borrowed from our queen JKR. :D

Chapter 19

Days were flying all around me and it looked just blurred to me; I fell in some awful routine without a power and strength for change. I was also being the major pain in the arse for all the people who were unfortunate enough to get on my way or even, god forbid, tried to talk to me. At least my creepy mood swings disappeared, only one mood was left- for sleeping and staring through the window. I was going to the Ministry, coming back home, eating just to survive, and not rarely drinking alone in my room. The only thing that gave me energy to even wake up was the fact that the war was getting pretty nasty, with new deaths every other day. But that was just my cursed circle- I was 'depressed' as Prongs had put it because of the times we were living in, because I was constantly afraid for my friends' lives and just because my life was shite. Oh, the small problem was that I have made myself believe that I have some inappropriate stuff (not feelings not feelings not feelings) for a girl who was possibly incarnation of Satan. But that's just minor inconvenience.

Anyway, here I was, sulking in a corner because they made me sit with them in the living room. Also, I was cranky because snow started with its pestering once again, so I just wanted to curl in my bed and sleep. But it was only couple of hours before Lily's birthday and of course, party would be held. It was supposed to be in Leaky and of course there would be a lot of people just to annoy me.

''Oh Padfoot for fuck's sake, it's been 20 days! Just talk to her already and stop being such a girl!'' Moony scoffed, trying to cast freezing spell on a butter beer he nicked from the kitchen and away from Lily's hawk gaze.

''I don't know what you're talking about.'' Of course I knew, but I didn't really want to admit it to myself either.

''Of course you know, you just don't want to admit it… Not even to yourself.'' Prongs piped in and I cursed him inwardly for knowing me so well.

''Look, guys. I don't want to be that pathetic, so just leave me be. She doesn't give a shit about me and I can't do anything about it. Don't plan on begging her, that's for sure.'' There, I admitted it, now shut up, all of you. _That means you too, inner Sirius._

''But you're so wrong. Oh Lily, please, we have to tell him!'' Wormy was all red and rosy and fidgety.

''Tell me what?'' I raised my eyebrow, asking in the same time with Lily's screeching from the kitchen.

''Don't you dare! We promised!''

''Promised what?'' I was just confused now, asking in the same time with Prongs' start of an argument.

''But look at him! He's miserable! Did you ever see him acting like this, over a girl no less?'' Now I was offended.

''Hey, it's not because of her!'' I defended myself in the same time when Moony piped in.

''Lily, you keep them both miserable because of your promise. She'll forgive you eventually.''

''Forgive her what?'' I was now annoyed. Why was I even bothering? No one even spared me a glance, like I wasn't in the room with them.

''Oh but we can't tell, we're her best friends! She trusts us!'' Of course they kept ignoring me so I just shrugged and took one butter beer.

''….Well… We don't have to tell him… We can write it…'' Prongs had THE glint in his eyes, and a little playful smirk on his face.

''…Technically… He's right, Lily. We can't argue that.'' Moony stated calmly, but with grin threatening to appear. Lily was deeply conflicted with herself, I could see that for sure.

''Okay. You're right. Write it.'' The look on Prongs' face was like she told him Christmas came early this year. He flicked his wand and the word 'Padfoot' came up in the air, right in front of my head, in sparkly yellow letters. I just raised my eyebrow. It transformed in 'Vivian', then in 'was' and then when I had read the rest of it I wanted to puke, jump from excitement and smack myself with the lamp because I was such a jerk to her, and to smack her for not telling me.

…'here all the time while you were unconscious.' And then he just gave up on writing and started explaining.

''She was at first in shock, and then when Madam Pomfrey had let her come into your room she broke down. She was crying far too long and then she was taking care of you, not even sleeping or eating. But on the fourth day she made us promise not to tell you a word about it, I don't know why, though.''

''And here we are, being trustworthy and loyal friends.'' Wormtail cut in, snickering. And I was in loss of words. With my eyes wide and mouth thinned and white, with butter beer clutched in my hand with white knuckles, I was a sight for sure. I could literally hear gears in my brain turning. I don't know how much time had passed with me resembling one big useless plant, but I heard them saying we should go because guests will start coming soon.

''I'll…'' I sputtered, not even blinking or giving other signs of life. ''I'll join you later.'' I managed to say, still looking at the one spot, not even feeling cold bottle in my hand or slight shivers all over my body. I knew they were a little worried but they left with doubting expressions and occasional glances in my direction.

* * *

I was the biggest idiot who had set a foot on this world. She actually cared about me and wasn't scared of my weird behaviour. She wasn't bothered with my ability to torture when blindly angered. She didn't care I had the biggest emotional handicap she had probably ever seen. But wait, she had it too. I mean, what kind of person doesn't want the other one to know when they care? Good God, I have to put some sense in her stupid little purple head. I quickly snapped out of my swirling thoughts and glanced at the clock. It was 10pm already and I was late for good two hours. Well, fuck. I quickly showered, dried my hair and put the first clean clothes I found-ripped jeans, band shirt (this time Led Zeppelin, for no reason, especially not because they were her favorites) and my leather jacket. I apparated in front of Leaky, cursing stupid snow and coldness.

I was standing for about a minute on the doorway, looking around and searching for her with my eyes. It was a good thing to be 6 foot tall, really. But then came my pals, already loud and tipsy and tried to force me to drink some suspicious turquoise liquid-which I would accept with great thankfulness, but right now I needed sober head and all of my wits with me.

She noticed me even before I noticed her and tried to look away when I caught her hurt gaze. She was, of course, beautiful, but Moony was right-she looked probably as bad as I. And then I saw the biggest bore of my life latching onto her and whispering something in her ear, but she didn't quite pay any attention to his ramblings. That was just a good enough proof for me. I bolted through the crowd, literally running and pushing every single person out of my way. When I finally reached her all eyes in the room were on me, probably thinking I was going berserk with the mess I made running around like a lunatic. They even stopped talking. Vivian opened her mouth to say something but I shocked her into silence with my move. I grabbed her forearm, the one with 'Toujous pur' engraved in it, and pulled her away from Diggory.

''…What in the…?!'' He started with wide eyes and anger washing over him, but I cut him off. I didn't have the time for his crap, now.

''She's breaking up with you. It's not you, it's her and she's sorry but I'm not, so bye.'' I said it hurriedly, loudly enough for whole place to hear it but quietly enough not to call it shouting. Of course I added famous Black sneer and haughty, dismissal look, turning around without waiting for an answer and pulling stunned Vivian with me. I should expect the hex flying in my direction with my huge kicking and stepping on his already hurt ego, so I wasn't surprised feeling the slight wind which was created by badly aimed hex, flying above my right shoulder.

''Oh for fuck's sake, I don't have time for this!'' I flicked my wand quickly facing him and my hex sent him flying to the counter. Everyone just gaped, including Vivian and I just pulled her again, out of the crowd and onto the lonely, snowy, dark street.

Unfortunately, just when I was about to tell her all I wanted to, her ability for speech came back. And of course it irritated me to no end.

''What the hell was that!? You can't just barge in my life like some lunatic and end the relationship I didn't want to end! What's the matter with you!?'' she shouted, ignoring the snow accumulating on her hair and eyelashes.

''Oh, cut the crap, White! What the hell is your problem!? Why would you even want to be with that jerk, when you can…'' I started shouting but I trailed off, realizing I gave too much information. I knew the blush spreading on my cheeks wasn't because of coldness. She was just annoyed as I was.

''I'm tired of you! I'm so fucking tired of you not doing what I think you want to!'' She was furious with my lack of eloquence. But I wanted to use the chance to question her previous noble motives and then running away. Maybe she was taking care of me so she wouldn't have to be in debt?

''Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you stop me for calling you…For offending you just so I could hurt you? If I knew you cared-'' I coughed. Too much, too sappy. ''-you took care of me, I would never…'' She cut me off, now really angered.

'' I don't care about you!'' But when her eyes widened in horror and I felt sudden disappearance of all adrenalin, rage and every powerful emotion from my body, I suspected what was going on. And then snow stopped falling and temperature fell even more and I had the urge to curl down on the road and die.

''…Dementors?'' She whispered and her frightened voice somehow snapped me out of my depression. It was still there, but panic and sudden urge to protect this annoying creature muffled it. And then we saw four black figures sliding down the road, feeling us, searching for our bare souls. Vivian grabbed my hand with hers, desperately trying to stand bravely on her feet and I still don't know if I helped her to be present, or she helped me to get to my senses when I felt her hand in mine. Soft, cold and desperate. And I looked at her and there she was, my happy thought holding my hand, fighting on my side.

'' _Expecto Patronum!_ '' I shouted and huge sparkly dog, my Padfoot, came out of my wand, aiding me in trouble. I heard Vivian casting her own spell, but what appeared confused me, frightened me and made me even happier in the same time. Huge sparkly dog. My Padfoot. Her protector. I was like thunderstruck, suddenly remembering what that meant. She was as shocked as I was and she barely had a mind to guide her Patronus around, urging dementors to quickly go away. When they finally disappeared, we stood there like some confused fishes, still shocked into silence. But Vivian recovered quickly and again turned to me, not even trying to cover her annoyance.

''What was that!? Why is it a dog!? It was a squirrel! What have you done to me, you stupid jerk!?'' She was yelling, getting all red-faced and I would be scared if I wasn't so self-satisfied. I felt my mouth forming one big, shit-eating grin. She scowled even more.

''It's because I'm part of youuu, it's because you caaare'' I was singing. Yup, singing. _Really smooth and badass, well done, Sirius._

''No. No I don't, shut up.'' She was still scowling but blushing furiously, dropping her look down on the street, but I could see something else… Fear? Excitement? Realization?

''Of course you do, you fancy me. You maybe even lo-'' I was still grinning like a madman and I knew I was behaving like an idiot, but I just couldn't stop.

''Don't you dare to finish that! Wipe that awful grin off your face!'' But when I continued ignoring her she leapt to me and I was hoping she would hug me or something, but of course she didn't. She started smacking me all over my chest and I had to grab her hands to stop her, now openly laughing. And I couldn't not to notice how close she was standing. I could feel heat of her body and again, I could see all of her freckles and all the patterns in her blue eyes, now almost black with those huge, dilated pupils. God, how I missed this.

''Stop laughing! I hate you!'' Of course she had to be loud and annoying again.

''Oh but you know that's a lie. Actually you hate the fact that you don't hate me.'' I was still holding her wrists, still too damn close, but stopped laughing, leaving just playful smirk on my lips.

''God, how you annoy me. Shut up!'' She was a little bit quieter but still loud enough to show how I annoyed her. And then I moved even closer, just an inch separating us. I looked down at her, all trails of smirking disappearing and whispered more hoarsely then normally (what's wrong with my voice suddenly?)

''Make me. _I dare you_.'' She looked up at me with wide eyes and alarmed face, probably flashbacks of the best and the worst night of my life coming back to her memory. And then she grabbed my head and pulled me down, closer. I thought I'm on my way to death, with the feeling of something awfully alive in my abdomen and I think this it the beginning of having a stroke, my heart is fucked up. She was kissing me with the same passion like that night. Almost as if she really hated me. I had to test that so I pulled away and she was embarrassed and humiliated, probably thinking I didn't want her _. Oh you're so, so wrong, as always._ Now _I_ kissed _her,_ with painfully slow pace and she moaned in my mouth and I felt my heart skipping a beat, again, feeling some shivers going down my spine and finally, feeling familiar buck in my knees and painful arousal starting to spread, from my lower stomach through my whole body. She pulled away and didn't even open her eyes, just whispered or sighed (I can't even concentrate enough)

''Sirius,'' On the sound of her voice whispering my name like that, I was positively hard, looking probably like a regular horny teenager, which I actually was but never mind now. ''Let's go.'' I obeyed gladly, aparating us to her apartment.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N** : Haaaallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah hallelujah! (you know that one song when something is epic) So, this little babe of fanfiction is officially done! Buuut I decided I will write a sequel for sure :D It's going to be about much older Sirius, and it will probably be more angsty and less funny (all with Sirius' moods) Now, kate3110 thank you for all of you kind reviews, you really, reeeeaaally made me happy and giddy :D And Lara, thank you too, I saw you review a little bit late, sorry :D So, I have to warn you about this one, it's very smutty so don't read it until the end if you are not into that :D And sorry for late update, this week was one living exhausting hell for me so I missed one Saturday, sorry about that :D

 **Disclaimer** : You know...

Chapter 20

When that awful, familiar feeling of something sucking all the air from my lungs and crushing my muscles disappeared, we found ourselves in the hallway of her building. I was still hugging her desperately and I could see something dark and, I hoped, naughty in her eyes. I was trying to relax but that damn excitement took a better of me so I was all flushed and fidgety, waiting for her equally fidgety and nervous wand movements to stop, so we could finally enter the apartment. And when all the wards were finally off and door handle clicked approvingly, she grabbed me for the collar of my jacket and literally pulled me in. I refused to be pulled like some dog on the leash (no pun intended), so I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me, instead. Suddenly, we were very close to each other, just like earlier on the street. I heard her heavy breathing and took a good look on her, like I was meeting her for the first time in my life. She just stood there, with her hand on my collar and other still holding her wand, with her flushed cheeks and still cold nose, disheveled purple hair, wide, dark blue eyes and bruised lips from our earlier activities. In that moment the only thought cruising through my almost blank mind was, oddly enough, the realization: She's finally mine. Nothing more, nothing less. Of course I wanted to touch her and shag her and talk to her and argue with her because she's an idiot. But these were just some errands to do later. Now, I could just stare and marvel at this beautiful creature. After a couple of seconds (might as well been years), the temptation for her lips became stronger than my pathetic poetical moment, _I am_ a guy, after all. And just when I leaned down to catch her lips with mine, thinking I couldn't be luckier in my life, she fucking pulled away. _Way to go, you pest. Of course you had to ruin it._

''Wait, wait, wait. We have to talk first.'' She said it so hotly I had to bite the inside of my mouth not to ravish her right there. She breathed it out, like she didn't want to talk either, but we had to do it. She sat on the couch waiting for me and I groaned. Really, it wasn't the best talking timing when one of us was aware of every fucking atom in his body, with almost empty mind and _huge_ problem down there (so what, I'm flattering myself a bit now). I gulped and breathed in, trying to calm myself down.

''Right. W-we do that.'' I stuttered and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to think of something non-sexual. _Butter beer. That's fine, butter beer is fine. Although when it's cold it looks like it's sweating in the bottle. Vivian will be sweating later, little water drops on that smooth bod-Enough of that!_ _C'mon, something else!_ I opened my eyes in search for something normal and just plainly boring, trying not to look at those lips and now jacket clad little body in that tight dress. _Just imagine ripping that little linen cloth off her. Stop! Look at the kitchenette. Nice, clean, homey. Nothing special, you can cook there and-look, a counter! Just imagine sitting her on that thing with her long legs wrapped around your-_

''Black? Are you having a seizure there?'' She was looking at me all skeptical and bemused. But that hoarse voice… God, I'm screwed.

''Give me a minute. I'm peachy.'' I dismissed her with a grimace while I was trying to act normal and caught her looking down on the little tent in my pants. She understood and chuckled.

''Ok, I know what's the problem. We deal with the talk thing quick, so later we can…do more important things, ok?'' I nodded trying to look solemn.

''…I assumed guys told you about…'' And suddenly my concentration jumped and I realized how much we had to discuss.

''Why did you keep it a secret? Why didn't you dump Diggory earlier? Why didn't you say _something_?" Simultaneously with my concentration, my frustration with her grew. But the next thing, one little sentence she said, struck me.

''…Why didn't you?'' She asked me quietly, searching for my eyes, studying my bewildered face. Deep blue finally met grey.

''…I…'' I gulped. How to explain that I was emotionally unstable brat, just like her? ''…Fear. You know.'' Did I just say that? Did infamous notorious Sirius Black just admit to some purple weird chick that he was afraid of all the things she could do to him? What the fuck is wrong with me? What I said struck her at the same time with my internal battle. She looked confused at first, than shocked and then… _loveable_.

''…I know.'' And I knew she had the same problem, too. That's why I lov- _cough_ liked her so much. Those long bony fingers with blue fingernails touch my cheek, then my nose, then my jaw. She smiled. I melted. I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingers. It felt just right. Vivian closed her eyes, sighed, whispered huskily ''Come here'', and led me to her room. At that point, I knew I couldn't turn back. Even before we reached her bed I grabbed her from behind, circling her waist and kissed her like it was my last kiss in this life. I literally drank her as she gasped in my mouth. My hands traveled from her stomach to her hips, then her thighs. She turned around, sneaked her hands around my waist and pulled me on the bed with her. It was going so quickly and almost roughly, with my lips now sucking on her collarbone and hands desperately trying to take off my jacket and shirt and her dress at the same time. I really wanted to… You know, make love to her and all that crap, slowly and carefully. But it looks like we were not that kind of people. I felt her hands messing with my hair and then they were trailing from my neck to my, now finally naked back, tracing my scars and leaving shivers down my spine. Now was my turn to gasp. And when her hands crept to my belt buckle trying to get rid of my pants, I knew I was as good as dead in my brain.

* * *

Vivian's POV:

I think I am the luckiest girl in the whole fucking world right now. One gorgeous young man was on me, trying to slip my dress down my legs, biting my neck and probably leaving marks, bucking his half buttoned and unfortunately still hidden in pants erection on my already soaking panties. How? How can be one person this good at everything? He was occasionally glancing at my flushed face with lust driven eyes and messy hair, making me even wetter with just one look. He was a walking perfection and I was finally able to call him mine. And, with a little unnecessary satisfaction and pride, I knew I was his first. I was the first of the most beautiful man in whole wizarding world. And I could touch that beautiful angular jaw and that capable thin mouth and that aristocratic high cheekbones and that perfectly shaped nose with just a little curve on it. God, he was such a beauty. Tall, dark, lean and handsome, right now hovering above me and still pressing his hard member against me while kissing me roughly and then, after my little whimper, giving me that wolfish grin. He could pretend he was a child from the streets all he wanted, he could try go away from his royal blood, but his royal blood would never leave him. He had a face of a prince and that posh speech that made me hot and bothered since I heard him talk for the first time. He was just perfect to me, even right now, when he was cursing huskily and finally succeeding to take off all of my clothes.

''Fuck, you're perfect'' He whispered hoarsely and I smiled at our telepathy until I felt his lips trailing soft kisses on my abdomen and grazing his teeth on my hardened nipples. I gasped and closed my eyes tightly, feeling his hot breath on my breast, his right hand on my other breast and his left hand creeping to take off the remaining part of my clothes-my soaking, ruined knickers. He teased me and stroked me still not removing lacy cloth and I was moaning, my body arching and begging to be taken. He was smirking against my skin, but growled when I pushed myself up and started grinding against tented jeans. He really should just take that off, now.

''Si-ri-us'' I was moaning in my sweet expectant torture. ''Just…Get naked'' I panted out and he tried to chuckle, but couldn't because he was getting as desperate as I was. He quickly stood up and pulled his pants down and I already missed his lips on my skin, but then I looked at him, all lean and sporty, with inked skin and those not so big but still existent muscles, struggling to set free and my mouth watered. And then he kicked his boxers down his legs and my eyes widened at his rock hard, pretty big member standing on its own, with a little bit of precum on its tip and veins outlined on its velvety skin. I felt slight pulsing in my core as he crawled back to bed and positioned himself between my legs. The heat around me came back with his closeness and I bucked my hips up, now desperate to take him in. His tip touched my little bundle of nerves and I wouldn't be surprised if I came with that small contact. But, unfortunately I didn't. I was on the beginning of probably best sex in my whole past, present and future. Sirius was kneeling between my legs with his back straight and only contact between us was his hand on my breast. He was panting, I was squirming, and he finally took his, now even bigger cock, guided it to my opening, took a long, slow thrust and I almost screamed. He growled and pulled out, then pushed in my wet folds again, now gazing at me sprawled down and whimpering. He caught my look and I have never seen nothing sexier than this young man, fucking me with painfully slow pace, eating me with his starving stormy, now almost black eyes. When he finally started to thrust faster and stronger and I started to climb to my climax, he pulled out completely and began painfully slow torture again. He was fucking like he smoked cigarettes, dragging it out and enjoying every single moment. One of his slow moves led his harder than ever cock straight to my sweet spot and I cried out. I needed my release, I was literally on the brink of tears.

''Fast… Faster, please'' I was one huge whimpering mess, but my voice made wonders to him. He moaned quite loudly, cursed and started a little quicker pace. He knew I was in torture and he enjoyed it, sadistic jerk. But I couldn't wait anymore, I just wanted to see those white spots and feel every single spot on my body trembling. So I pulled myself up, now I was somehow in his lap and I started to move simultaneously with him, setting much quicker and rougher pace.

''Vivian… Don't… Can't… Going to cum.'' He was mumbling while biting my shoulders and listening my slight screams while I was pounding simultaneously with him on his, now twitching cock. And then he hit the spot. Once, twice, trice. His hand crept down and his thumb pressed my clitoris. I was now really screaming and losing control over my body. The strongest orgasm I had ever felt hit me so hard I thought I was going to pass out. For a moment I really lost my mind, screaming and yelling

''Sirius, here it is! Oh my God!'' My walls were clenching around him and right in the middle of my seemingly never ending orgasm I felt his cock twitching madly inside of me, him cursing now loudly while growling and pounding into me uncontrollably, and finally I felt hot semen spraying into me. I fell on the bed breathing heavily with him still in me, now laying on me and crushing me with his weight. I pushed him off me, he rolled on his back, laying right next to me, looking at the ceiling and panting. I really didn't want to move so I just turned my head for an inch, so I could look at him. His hair was now sweaty and sticking to his forehead, his mouth forming some goofy half-grin and his chest heaving strongly, still trying to catch some air.

''What…the hell was that?'' I rasped out, tired and happy and satisfied on the best way possible.

''…I have no idea.'' He was smiling for real now and I started to chuckle. He laughed too, so we were just awkward giggling people who didn't know what to do next. When I calmed down a little I got a serious expression, when strange fear gripped me. What if he leaves again?

''What now?'' I managed to squeak shyly. _Seriously? Now you're shy, Vivian? Now, after all that you've done minutes ago?_ He turned and looked at me, grin disappearing off his face for genuine expression to replace it. My heart skipped.

''Now we sleep.'' He said it quietly and pulled me to him. My head was on his chest and his left hand was wrapped securely under and around my waist while his right hand traced some nonexistent pattern on my thigh. I felt that fear slowly shifting, but still standing by.

''Stay.'' I tried to order but that came out as plead. I winced at my own vulnerability.

He stopped drawing patterns on my thigh and instead pulled my chin up to meet him in a chaste kiss. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. I knew he would stay.

* * *

Sirius POV:

Weak sunrays woke me up the next morning, naked and exhausted but awfully happy. This time I knew exactly where I was and whose arm was draped around my torso. She was sleeping on her side of the bed, probably moving sometime in the night, with content expression on her face. She was beautiful and her skin had some yellowish glow and I really wanted to touch her. And then I realized I could whenever I wanted to and smiled. I traced my hand from her cheek to her neck, then her shoulder and placed it on her little waist. She opened her eyes only to meet mine, content and sleepy, mirroring hers. Without any trace of fear and panic. I was so proud at myself in that moment, seeing how happy she looked. She scooted next to me and kissed my cheekbone, nose and corner of mouth. I just kept smiling, the lovesick git I was.

''Hey'' She whispered hoarsely and smiled back, sleepily.

''Hey'' I whispered back, loving her tired face and tangled hair and silky skin and warm body. Loving? I had to know. I had to ask. I asked that question so many times before, but with different answer.

''Is it like… Love or some crap like that?''

''Yeah… This time it is.''

THE END


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